That’s not quite the question that the film asks but that’s how I felt leaving the movie theatre. A spur of the moment plan (yup…I’m a dare devil...watching a Bollywood movie on a Tuesday night) made with a girlfriend started off with me getting lost on Highway 6 and ended up with me crying at the theatre. But, her cousins walked out laughing and exclaiming how cute the movie was. They are young, attractive, recently graduated from university and the eternal optimists when it comes to love. My girlfriend and I are desperately trying to hold on to the belief that a prince charming will sweep us off our feet and onto a beautiful white stallion…or a red mustang ;-)
Love Aaj Kal (LAK) starred Saif Ali Khan, Deepika Padukone and Rishi Kapoor. It really was a cute love story. It showed how the power of love transcends generations. It portrayed that love always will be, continues to be and still is a powerful emotion that binds two people beyond logic and rationale. It can make a sane person insane and a irrational person completely rational. Times and relationship dynamics have changed, but the need for the emotional and bond is still quite alive. Actually, I feel more needed today than ever before.
The story follows two couples – Jai and Meera in modern day London and Veer and Harleen in Dilli of the 60s. I’m not going to talk much about the story lines because I would recommend the film for you to watch, but LAK did raise some interesting questions and thoughts in my mind.
In today’s age of facebook, booty calls, match.com, shaadi.com, youtube and the need to meet immediate gratification, is romance dead? Have we forgotten how to tell those close to us that we love them – how much they mean to us? Did we ever know how to do this? Do we always keep the very thoughts that want to come exploding out of our hearts, our minds and our souls a secret not only from ourselves, but from those the most dearest to us? If so, why? Have expectations become harmful to a relationship? Can you imagine what would happen if we just opened our mouths and uttered the simplest of words with love and honesty…I’m sorry! I love you! I miss you! I need you! I want it to be you! Rescue me and I’ll rescue you!
And, how is that in our parents generation despite the challenges, despite the personality differences, despite the BS, they were able to stay together and build a home and family? With all the conveniences of modern day society, how is that we are not able to do the same? How is that personality conflicts and personal desires become so significant to create a distance that the Grand Canyon would seem a speck of dust?
How is that we made love so very complicated?
I have no answers to any of these questions. I suppose for now, It just is what it is. I’ll keep holding on to the belief that someone who loves me will whisk me away. And, after watching LAK, I realized that I do want the old school love story…simple, caring, innocent, lasting. The modern day romance seems full of drama and difficulties.
I cried near the end of the film because it hit so close to home. Watching her move furniture around by herself, wipe the makeup off her face at the end of the day and try to maintain the belief that her love will come back to her when he realizes that their love is real and strong released the tears. Whether it was my marriage or the new guy, my feelings were genuine. I wanted to care for them like no other.
I have gotten several emails, calls and talks about the entry about converting for love. The responses have been quite interesting, ranging from support to being in awe for the honesty to what the hell were you thinking to the guy’s a jerk, and if he loves you then he will accept you as you are. Concerns about being on a rebound, am I not concerned about what people would say, this is not the right guy, that I’m dating too soon, that I got played and that I lost my mind.
So let’s clarify a few things. I wasn’t dating him I enjoyed his company and was interested in getting to know him better. Where that was going to go, I don’t know. I’ve been having an internal debate about when is the right time to date after a separation/divorce. I think it’s different with each person, but in my situation, it is right now. Unfortunately, our marriage had been over for years. We lived together, went out together, but we were miles apart. It was a very lonely marriage. I’ve done all the grieving, crying and sadness that I can do and need to do so that I can move on. I’m ready. I’m still not saying commitment or relationship. Rather, I’m saying that I’m ready to meet people, go out, have fun and enjoy. While I’m enjoying we’ll see what happens. I’m ready to find somebody who enjoys my company as much as I enjoy his. To be with someone who wants to live and love life as I do. To teach me and help me grow.
He wasn’t a rebound. A rebound is someone I would have used to mend my “broken heart”. And, I had done that the day I told that ex that it’s time to separate and move on. The minute I uttered those words, my heart felt relieved…literally like a massive boulder had been left from my chest; all the pain had gone. After having been with my ex for six years, its natural to think of him, but I don’t think of him daily, I have no ill feelings towards him or our relationship and I’ve grown since we separated. My feelings for the new man were genuine and no, he is not a jerk. But because I care for him, I am choosing to respect his feelings of wanting to be with someone of the same faith.
Yes, sometimes I do think that he played me, used me, had his fun and moved on. When I get stuck in those thoughts, I remind myself of how he treated me kindly. Besides, thinking of him in this way isn’t going to make things any easier for me. My heart just can not believe that he is a jerk or a player. I believe it was the situation, not him or me. And, if he did turn out to be a player…well, that doesn’t say much about my judge of character, now does it? I do wish he would have called me once just to see how I’m doing. Oh well. There is no point thinking of that now.
And, yes I do agree that in a healthy relationship there is love, acceptance, understanding and respect of my differences and strengths. But, when making the choice to marry and start a family, some logic is important. Understanding and agreeing what faith will be practiced in the home, language, expectations for clothing and food, what will the children be named…these are important details to discuss prior to marriage. Once those initial expectations are laid out, then we can allow the trust, respect, and love build on the marriage.
I think desi weddings are beautiful and fun, but we often get so wrapped up with the four days of parties and the details of the color scheme, the perfect entrance walk and the perfect wedding jora, that we forget to focus on the marriage. I’ve learnt that discussing day-to-day expectations with family, career, money and spending quality time is so much more important then having discussions of centerpieces.
I have learnt a lot about myself, relationships and compromise through my marriage, divorce and other life experiences. I still believe that for me as long as my world view, what I want for my future and for my children and general philosophies match, I would convert. Whether my children are named, Sukhdeep, James or Imran, I will still love them. Whether I’m wearing a salwaar kameez or jeans, I will still respect him and his parents as best as I can. Whether I’m saying it in Punjabi, Hindi, Urdu or French, my love for my partner will be strong and pure. And, whatever name I use in my prayers, I will still have faith in the One Supreme God to guide me between right and wrong. Why? Because I believe love, respect, trust, understanding, honesty and sense of humor are the pillars of a strong relationship.
It’s like Noah said from the Notebook: “It’s going to be really hard; we’re gonna have to work at this everyday, but I want to do that because I want you. I want all of you, forever, everyday.”
A very wise, wise, friend said “someone may not show their love in the way you expect, nonetheless, it doesn't mean that their love for you is not unconditional or true.” That is what relationships are all about. Love is selfless, with no ego, true and simple. Marriage is complex, full of adjustment and compromise. But, a marriage with love and respect will remain strong and lasting.
So, I will enjoy what I have in my life today and wait for someone who can offer me what I’m looking for; who will make a place for me in their heart. Until then, its dinner, movies, dancing, Masti and virgin Pina Colada’s with some amazing ladies!!!
Tell me what your thoughts are about LAK. Comment here or email me at desigirlhouston@gmail.com
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