Would You Convert for Love?

“A religious man is a person who holds God and man in one thought at one time, at all times, who suffers harm done to others, whose greatest passion is compassion, whose greatest strength is love and defiance of despair.” ~Unknown

I've been thinking about this question for quite some time. Yes, you are all assuming right. I'm interested in guy who is a different religion. While the whole thing is simple yet complicated, I couldn't help but ask myself, if I feel in love again, would I be willing to convert to be with him? And, no, I'm not in love with him. Attracted and enjoy his company better describes how I feel right now.

A simple Google search – you should know by now that I Google everything - on this question compiled a large number of websites and forums. Of all the sites I clicked on, the answer was “No, I would not convert for love.”

The reasons varied. One writer stated that asking to convert would be “a violation” of the basic principles of relationships: understanding and respect for each other. Another spoke about how it would hurt her family to marry outside of the faith, even though she admitted that neither her nor family were religious. Another woman said “if you are truely in love, then why should that person have to change anything at all.” And, a man wrote “i consider my religion to be a huge part of my identity, and I would never be able to give that up for someone.” One entry believed that it was a selfish request to ask another to convert?

Having dated, married, divorced and now dating again, I can honestly say that there is a possibility that I would convert for the right set of beliefs and the right man. There are some that would say that I am not a true believer if I am willing to leave Sikhism. To them, I would say, try carrying my heart around for a day.

For a relationship to survive, it requires the right ingredients; the perfect mix of chemistry, personality, sense of humor, attraction (physical, emotional, mental), beliefs and values, goals, family approval, religion, career/money, compatibility, respect, understanding and acceptance. Do you have any idea how difficult that is to find in a man?

It is not my lack of faith that tells me its okay to convert but because of my strong faith and belief in God that I think its okay to convert. Religion is a relationship between you and God, something that guides you, teaches you how to love God and people, helps you build morals and beliefs, differentiate between right and wrong. I believe that as long as you have the love and respect for God, as long as your world view and path are similar, what difference does it make what you call Him and in what religion’s name? (Now, I do agree with the Google entries that one should not convert only for their partner, but should do so out of respect and belief in the religion.)

Sikhism has taught me a lot and made me the person that I am today. For example, Sikhism has taught me that there is only one God, devotion, avoid the five vices (I'm able to avoid 4 of the 5) and embrace the eight virtues, about justice and equality, charity and donation, and daily devotion. To enjoy all that God has given to us – the ability to use reason, our loved ones, our homes and being able to jump in a puddle right after it rains (yup…did that over lunch today! It was so much fun…I encourage all of you to go out and jump in a puddle, make a big splash! Don’t worry…it’s only water and it will dry.)

One of my earliest conversations with my Dad was about the concept of one God. That each of us take different paths and call Him by a different name – Jesus, Ram, Allah - but each path, with its principles and belief, and each name ultimately takes us to God. The scriptures teach us “Blind or poor, He is support.” Isn’t this what all religions teach us? So, why the separation?

My life experiences and my divorce have taught me a lot. They have pushed me away from my faith and then back towards my faith. They have taught me how important love, respect and acceptance are in a relationship. My ex (oOoOoOo…first time using that phrase) and I were the same religions, spoke the same language, shared the same background, but it wasn’t enough to save the marriage. We had different worldviews, goals in life, expectations of the relationship and personalities. I was going left and he was going right. No amount of faith in God was going to save our marriage because we had lost the faith in each other and in the “us.” After feeling unloved and unappreciated for what feels like an eternity, for me love is very important in a relationship. Love is what binds the two people together.

Yet, I know couples of different races and religion who have faced, and continue to face, hurdles in their marriage and as they raise their children. Because of the love and respect they have for one another they are surviving. Actually, looking at them, I believe they are living, enjoying each day with one another and in love; I was the one trying to survive in my marriage.

When I think of converting one’s religion for love, I always think of my sweet, beautiful friend and her wonderful husband, let’s call them Saheli and Derek. After dating for quite some time, they decided to get married. Derek was honest that he wanted his children to share his faith. Saheli saw in him the husband that she wanted and the devoted father that she knew he would be and agreed. Now, she faced her challenges and lectures from both family and friends but she is happily married with two beautiful, intelligent little children. She has her daily struggles in being a wife and a mother, but her faith is strong. Derek and Saheli survived this hurdle because of their love, respect and acceptance of one another. She is still the same wonderful person I knew, only happier - living her life in love with her husband, her children and faith. Isn’t this what religion teaches us? What God wants for each of us?

I recognize – trust me I really, truly do recognize – that relationships are complicated regardless of religion. Making the decision to convert one’s religion is not something to be taken lightly. I believe it is absolutely vital that you have faith in God, but also see the value of your significant other’s religion and its basic tenets. Just as important is your faith in your potential partner. I don’t think converting just so I can have a boyfriend or husband is right. I’m looking for the right combination of love for my man and in his religion to make the plunge.

And, for the right man, I am willing to go pretty far for love.

Perhaps, I’m naïve or being overly romantic. But, at the end of the day, I just want to be with that one person that loves me, regardless of religion and race. I am a good, honest, imperfect person looking for love. Real, unconditional, insane, goofy love which is difficult to find and if I find it I don’t want anything to stand between us. And, I would assume if I have strong feelings for him than it is because of some common world view. So how can I not embrace his religion, isn’t it what made him who he is today? Is it not what made me fall in love with him?

(For the curious at heart...the man that I'm interested in, well...he's a wonderful man who wants to be with someone of the same religion. I hope he finds who he is looking for! Now, if he changes his mind about me...and if he doesn't, then....)

Your turn: would you convert for love? Comment here or email me at desigirlhouston@gmail.com.