The Hardest Things to Say

At home, sick in bed...damn strep throat...my delirious mind wandered. I remembered a MySpace account that I had started months ago. Below is an entry from that account (I've changed the wording a little, but the message is still the same...only speak from your heart). I stopped maintaining that account because I started this blog, but I think this entry is still relevant!

The three most difficult things to say are:

I love you!

I'm sorry!

I need your help.

Such easy and simple words that can be uttered in a moment. But, they are truely the hardest to say because they must be said from the heart and show your vulnerability. Uttering these words in a moment's notice, one fails to recognize their importance and then betray their meanings.

If you say "I'm sorry" and then follow it by not learning from your mistake or changing your ways, are you really sorry for the pain that has been caused? Or, are you just sorry for the present level of discomfort that you now feel? For getting caught for being selfish or doing something wrong? By saying "I'm sorry" simply because its the right thing to do, it is meaningless! Sometimes not apologizing takes as much courage as apologizing - defending your beliefs, your values, your actions is important too. A true apology is filled with empathy, consoling, and a desire to do/be better in the future.

If you say "I love you!" but then you ask for constant change, criticize, belittle, ashame, ignore and yell. Or, you are with that person because you think it's the right thing, for children, for parents, for society. That is not love. That is you being unfair to two people - yourself and the other person. Love is unapologetic, forgiving, accepting, calm, warm, comforting. Love is what brings the best out of you! If when you say "I love you!" doesn't make you smile or make the other person smile, it is not true love. And you both deserve better. Let them go so that both of you can find your true love.

If you say "I need help", it shows your courage to persevere! It shows you are a strong person who recognizes her weaknesses and despite them you want to overcome your challenges. And, when you make this request and it is followed by finger pointing, feelings of shame or regret, then realize that it is not you. But, rather it is the other person. They are not worthy of your honesty or friendship and they do not see you for the real person that you are.

Over the years, "I love you," "I'm sorry," and "I need help" have become some of the simplest phrases in my relationships. Whether they are whispered or shouted from the rooftop, whey speaking from the heart, there is honesty, love and trust in all of them! And, I hope when they are said to me, they are only said from the heart. Coming from any other place is only devaluing the relationship.

If they can not be said from the heart, then I wish they not be said to me at all!