I Love Lists - this is My Ultimate List

I recently discovered a blog called Ruby 40. Ayesha Haqqui, editor of Bibi Magazine, has written a list of 40 things that she hopes to accomplish now that she has turned 40. Before becoming officially old (she said it not me =) she hopes to cross of the items on her list. Ayesha cites numerous reasons such as social pressures, fear and procrastination, for not having done these things so far. Having found a balance between work and play, she is now tipping the scales towards play, self-awareness and finding happiness in the simple pleasures.

So, inspired by her for embracing her singledom, independence and passion, here is my list of things I hope to accomplish before I turn 40. Surprisingly, this was a tough little list to write up. While some things on my list may seem extravagant – such as the African Safari – they are actually not. They are simple pleasures to make me smile and to feel FREE.

I believe as I accomplish each item on my list, I will be one step closer to freedom, happiness, contentedness and peace. I will be one step closer to having loosened the shackles of fear, expectations and demands that I have placed on myself and that Desi culture imposes on Desi women. As I find peace and contentedness with life today, I will find myself in a state of peace and excitement as I experience this list.

1. Go on an African Safari.
2. Pet a tiger.
3. Break my shyness.
4. Stop being afraid to love again.
5. Jump in a waterfall.
6. Ask a guy on a date.
7. Take a hot air balloon ride.
8. Travel to Asia.
9. Ride an elephant.
10. Go skydiving.
11. Learn a new language.
12. Write a book.
13. Send a message in a bottle.
14. Walk the beach in Dubai.
15. Walk across the Golden Gate bridge.
16. Get a puppy.
17. Get my belly button pierced.
18. Get in shape.
19. Harass…I mean call my sister more often.
20. Make someone laugh everyday.
21. Buy a condo to build a home.
22. Put up more pictures.

If you had a list what would you put on it? Can you think of anything else that needs to be on my list? Post here or email me at desigirlhouston@gmail.com.

For the Love of Shoes

“It’s really hard to walk in a single woman’s shoes – that’s why you sometimes need really special shoes!” – Carrie Bradshaw, Sex and the City

Shoes.

I’m truly one of those of those girls who can never stop loving shoes, purchasing shoes and admiring shoes! No matter where I am in life, all is well at the sight of these pretty little things! I love everything about them. The colours, the fabrics, the styles, the height, the sex appeal...each shoe has its own little personality.

I love how shoes have the ability to take an outfit from drab to stylish. One of my staple outfits is my favorite jeans, t-shirt, statement earrings and my killer heels.

Shoes can not only transform a plain Jane/pindu outfit, but also plain Jane/pindu kuri herself into a stunning Bollywood Diva. High heels make your legs look long and slender, you stand taller and exude confidence and sex appeal.

The one thing I do hate about shoes – they can often be very, very uncomfortable resulting in pinch toes, calluses, sore heels and knees, and sweaty and swollen feet.

So, over the many, many steps that I’ve taken in my beautiful shoes, here are some lessons learned that have made it easier to wear my lovely shoes. Hope this helps other shoe lovers!!

1. Always, always, always buy shoes that fit. Many a times I have bought shoes that were too tight or too loose simple because they were “cute.” I have found no savior product that will make the shoes fit. Wearing shoes that are not the right fit is uncomfortable and a cause for pain whenever you realize you can’t wear them.

2. Always wear you new shoes around the house to break them in.

3. When walking in high heels, take smaller steps. Not only does it help me balance on my heels, but it takes the pressure off the balls of my foot.

4. Pedicures. Regular pedicures are a great way to manage the calluses and get a quick foot massage. Trust me, the smaller the callus, the less the pain.

5. In recent years, there are many different insole options. Invest in a pair of insoles for your high heels. With all the products and sale gimmicks, the best is to try on a few different types. We all have different feet needs, so insoles will feel differently to each of us.

6. Pediegg and Epsom salt. In between my pedis, I will soak my feet in Epsom salt and give my foot a quick rub down with the Pediegg.

7. Peppermint foot spray. The Body Shop Peppermint Cooling Foot Spray to be particular. It’s a great way to give your feet a quick pick-me-up during the work day.

8. Naturalizer and Lifestride. While I love my stilettos, a 8-10 hour work day on my feet are not the best time to wear my favorite stilettos or pumps. For those days, I wear my Naturalizer or Lifestride’s. Both of these shoes are well known for the their “shoe technology” that makes amazingly comfortable shoes - Naturalizer boasts their N5 “shoe comfort technology” – and have come a long way with designing sexy shoes. No one believes my red stilettos and black gladiators are from Naturalizer.

9. Look for shoes with either a platform that supports the front of the shoe or a thicker heel to increase support.

10. Carry a few band-aids in your purse just in case you develop a blister or rubbing.

11. Wear different shoes every day; if possible, alternate between flats and high heels. Not only does this help your shoes last longer, but it also allows your feet to rest up inbetween high heels.

What are your tricks to making your favorite sexy shoes comfortable? Post here or email me at desigirlhouston@gmail.com.

Platonic Friendships - "Just Friends" or Hidden Desires

"Each friend represents a world in us, a world possibly not born until they arrive, and it is only by this meeting that a new world is born." - Anais Nin

The last few weeks have really pushed me to answer this question: Can boys or girls be friends? Actually, the question should read “can single adult men and women be “just friends” or are there hidden desires and intentions?

I am strong believer that men and women are capable of being “just friends”. I’m not referring to the friendship that many ask for or attempt following a break-up. I’m referring to the strictly non-sexual, trusting bond that can form between a man and a women…gender has nothing to do with the friendship. It’s a friendship based upon mutual trust, respect, understanding, shared sense of humor and values. It’s an innocent friendship that is supportive, non-judgemental and full of love.

BUT…yes, there is a big but…I’ve realized that it is not as simple for the world as it is in my mind.

I’ve always valued my friendships with my girlfriends. Its an unconditional support that families, boyfriends or husbands can never offer. As one girlfriend said today, “I would feel lonely without my girls.” I also value the companionship and support that only a man can offer. I recognize that the complexities of his love are comfort that only he can offer.

One of my favorite relationships has always been (what in my mind’s eye) has been is the innocent friendship that exists between a man and a woman. There is no romantic love or sexual attraction; it is simply a friendship that offers support, guidance and truth; a friendship that encourages both to promote the good and happiness for the other. It’s a simple friendship.

Unfortunately, society and our Desi culture dictates the expectation that men and women can not be “just friends.” There must be more. Harbhajan Mann’s first film Jee Aayun Nu had a song that describes my thoughts perfectly, Aksar Lok. (If you haven’t heard it, I strongly recommend youtubing it.). The song is simple. It asks for the two to find a name that will define their relationship so that it can be legitimized and understood by outsiders.

Take a look at our pop culture that we were raised in: Harry Met Sally; Diane and Sam from Cheers; Monica and Chandler from Friends; Maine Pyar Kiya; Hum Aapke Hai Kaun; and Parineeta. Not to mention our own Desi parents questioning if we “like” the boy that we’re studying with. So, it is no wonder that as adults it is difficult to comprehend that single men and women can be “just friends”. That a guy making small talk at the cash register is doing just that…small talk. Or, that a girl who is being friendly can be simply friendly, not flirting.

I believe adult men and women can be friends. There are just a few IFs that need to stated to lessen the confusion:

1. If they’ve known each other for years, perhaps even met in college. There seems to be no confusion about the dynamics of the friendship.
2. If neither person has no physical or sexual attraction to the other.
3. If its been clearly stated and understood that there will be no dating or sex.

I’m not being naïve about the dynamics that exist between men and women. I agree that oftentimes there is sexual tension between men and women. As one “just friend” said, 80% of the time the guy is interested in more than just friends. And, while I can’t control how others will interpret my actions or intentions, I have learnt that I need to do what I can to minimize misunderstandings so not to lose good “just friends.”

A single woman and a married woman can both interact with the same man in the exact same manner. The married woman will be seen as off the market, just being nice. The single woman will be questioned if she is flirting, leading the guys on, looking to get laid.

I recognize that as a newly single woman living alone in a city far away from her family, it will be difficult for many to understand that I’m not dating or interested in or wanting to have sex with every man that I speak with. I recognize that while I’m planning group dates for movies or arcades, that my actions may be interpreted as “interested” in one of the guys. I recognize that as independent as I am and as progressive as I’d like to think our culture is, I will always have to manage these impressions by strangers, friends and family alike until I have a man standing next to me to say “she’s with me."

While I’m not trying to minimize the complexity of the platonic friendship, what do you think? Can men and women be just friends? Post here or email me at desigirlhouston@gmail.com

Miss America is Mulsim....so what?

Miss America 2010 winner is Rima Fakih, an Arab-American. Almost 72 hours since she won the crown and the controversy and debates have already begun. Pictures surfing of her pole dancing, riske lingerie pictures and critics questioning her Americanism or her representation of Islam or an Arab-American.

I have no comments for the pictures. Actually I do. I thought the lingerie pictures were tastefully done. Art work actually. The camera does enjoy taking pictures of her. The black and white shots were amazingly taken by the photographer. And, that’s all I have to say. Controversy has not been shy to the beauty pageants in recent years so I don’t see why discussing controversy here will be important.

But, what is important is the many who are questioning her Americanism or her adequate representation of Islam.

Rima Fakih will be representing USA in the Miss Universe pageant because she is an American. Her parents immigrated to the USA, however, she was born and raised Michigan. Since winning the crown, she has repeatedly stated that her household is a liberal Muslim family that follows both Christian and Muslim religious traditions.

No one has asked any questions about what makes her as American as apple pie for her to bear the crown of Miss USA? She was born the USA. She went to USA colleges and attained degrees. She wore the gown and gracefully walked the stage, even catching herself while she stumbled. She wore the bathing suit and strutted across the stage. She answered the “controversial” questions about birth control. What is un-American about her that she not don the crown?

I also believe what this win has shown is that the white, blond, blue eyed beauty standards are of yesterday. Today’s American beauty standard is very different – dare I say its Brown!! I believe Miss America Rima Fakih is demonstrating the new beauty standard for American women – curvy, dark haired, brown, confident and smart!

As a non-Mulsim or non-Arab-American, perhaps I shouldn’t state my opinion of the second controversial debates surrounding Sunday’s beauty pageant. But, since this is my blog, I will!! In grad school, I was taught to remember “there is diversity within diversity.” It simply means that within any group of people there is great diversity; there are different people, languages, lifestyles, cultures, and liberal and conservative beliefs.

The Muslim community is one such example. Being Muslim does not imply that all followers of Islam will hold the same beliefs, values or lifestyles. They may not speak the same language; one may wear the full burqa, another a headscarf, while others are comfortable in bikinis; one may believe that they can hit their wife and others hold women in high esteem. The only thing in common is that they all identify as Muslim.

While I understand that Islam encourages modesty – actually all faiths do – wearing a bikini or a short skirt or a tank top, does not mean that a woman does not have respect for her religion or God. I believe importance should be placed on our deeds, behaviors, expressions of love and friendship, understanding of good, bad and ethics, and ability to forgive. Not the clothes that I wear or the language I speak or the country I was born in. I believe that Arab-American/Muslim community should be proud that this young woman was able to break barriers and positively represent herself and her community in the international arena as a smart, sassy beautiful Arab woman, not as a terrorist.

(I do have issues with beauty pageants and what they are teaching young girls; however, that is not the topic of this entry…perhaps another day I will mention the unrealistic standards of beauty, the love South Asians have for the light skinned beauty queen and how walking in a gown or a swim suit is not the only thing that should be used to determine beauty standards.)

Unfortunately, whether she wants to or not, she will be recognized as an Arab pageant winner, not as an American beauty queen.

On Sunday, as the Miss America pageant was airing on TV, I was at the Houston Palestinian Film Festival which had aired too films on taboo topics – breast cancer and honor killings. As I walked out of the theatre thinking of the many innocent women who died because of false accusations and then heard of the criticisms surrounding the beauty pageant, I couldn’t help but think, is religion and culture making us stronger or weaker?

Perhaps it was the films or the frustration with so many being upset with Rima’s win or my own personal experiences, but I feel that culture and religion have made us weaker. Both culture and religion help develop values, beliefs and paradigms in which we shape our everyday lives and the big picture. They help us learn who we are and shape who we want to be. They provide us an understanding of right and wrong. But, as we are learning all this, religion and culture place the individual in a box, one in which only those four walls are seen and heard. Reason does not exist.

All we see is that which we live in, said to us and taught to us. It is that very ignorance and blind acceptance of truth that weakens a person. And, ultimately a community. Be proud of who you are, but don’t forgot to respect AND accept the other for who they are. I believe, once the walls of religion and culture are torn down we all have the same goals – to be happy!

The "IT" Accessory of Spring Summer 2010

I’ve gone back and forth about what my favorite accessory for spring/summer 2010 is. Hands down it’s the feather headband. I love it!!!

Headbands have been around since the days of Jackie O and Audrey Hepburn. Even Bollywood wasn’t spared in the 60s and 70s with tinseltown’s ladies were seen with a headband in jeans, salwaar kameez and saris. I still love the look of the poof or bump-it paired with a simple headband or scarf.

Just like everything else, the headband was re-created by adding feathers and crystals. It's the easiest way to complete an outfit: pair it with jeans and a t-shirt or with a dress. You can wear this to work or brunch with the gals or a Friday night date. This accessory truly pulls an outfit together and makes a strong Tashaan statement.

As you can see from the pictures below the options are endless. You can choose the elegance of the peacock feather (my personal favorite) or the uniqueness of the ostrich feathers; have it fall on your whole head or a skinny headband; or have it lay flat or swing in the air. Choose one that complements your hair colour, with vibrant colours and one that reflects your personality. (I could never pull off the red and black headband, but love the blue peacock feathers).

You can find my favorites at Bebe, Aldo Accessories or Icing by Claire's.











What’s your favorite accessory for this spring summer? Post here or email me at desigirlhouston@gmail.com

Houston Happenings!

So many fun things happening in Houston that I wanted to tell you folks about...maybe I'll bump into some of you tashaan fashionistas there!!! Check it out below.

May 21 @ Pravada - Dance the night away with Bollywood, bhangra, top 40, hip hop and more Bombay's DJ Akeel and Houston's DJ Scoop, DJ Chani, DJ Samia and DJ Manu. Purchase your tickets at sulekha.com

May 22 @ Sugarland Marriot Town Square - Trunk show and exhibition with stylings from AURA by Noureen Dhanani, EN VOGUE by Sana and Shireen, A.R. DESIGNERS by Arefa Merchant and IMPRESSIONS OF INDIA by Neelam Tejpal. If you're looking for original sarees, pakistani salwaar kameez, antique jewellery and evening bags, then this is the one-stop show for you. For more info, contact auradesignstudio@yahoo.com.

May 22 @ the Arena Theatres. Listen, dance and enjoy the original, awesome voice of Sukhwinder Singh. Singer of amazing hits like Chaiya Chaiya, Jai Ho and many more. Call or visit humtumcity.com for ticket information.

Of course this does not include the amazing art & museum exhibits, zoo trips, art crawl & scavenger hunt, art car show, movies (Housefull and Iron Man 2), Sunday Funday's, coffee shops, brunches and sheesha nights that I'll be enjoying with my favorite people!! Seriously, hopefully I'll see you out n about.

Ciao!!

What are you doing in remaining May weekends? Email me at desigirlhouston@gmail.com or post your comments here.

Bad Habits that Can Age You

During my lunch hours, I love to spend my time de-stressing from a hectic morning by reading articles from various online magazines. I came across one today that got me thinking. The article, from TimesofIndia.com, was titled “4 Bad Habits that can Age You 12 Years.”

The article cites the following as the 4 big no-nos that can age us:

1. smoking
2. excessive drinking: 3+ per day for men and 2+ per day for women
3. poor diet: eating less than three services of fruits and vegetables.
4. less than two hours of physical activity per week.

Eeeeeeeekkkkk!!! I have 50% of the bad habits. I will need to increase my fruit and veggies and my physical activity.

While I agree with these four habits as leading causes for some of America’s greatest health concerns (heart disease, diabetes, obesity, cancer…just to name a few), it got me thinking, bad habits that age are not just those that harm our bodies, but also habits that can harm our mind and soul. Have you seen how people who are mean look so much older than the sweethearts of your life?

Here is a list of what I feel are our mind and soul’s “bad habits” that can age us.

- having a short fuse
- being jealous
- low self esteem
- materialistic values or ideals
- depression or anxiety
- relying on others for emotional, physical or financial support
- no intimacy
- being in a unhealthy or abusive relationship
- not seeing our personal value
- negative attitude
- wearing clothes that do not fit our bodies or that are age inappropriate
- not being able to appreciate the little things in life
- polluting our planet
- lack of faith
- not being able to forgive
- being isolated
- not participating in meditation or prayer
- not participating in regular medical check ups

What do you think are the bad habits that age you? Post here or send me an email at desigirlhouston@gmail.com

Your Most Important Accessory to Your Favorite Dress

“You know it's a bad day when you put your bra on backwards and it fits better.” - author unknown

A gf of mine made a comment recently which inspired this post. Suchi muchi, I love this girl but her one innocent comment during some boob banter spoke the truth to so many women. She said something along the lines, "I spend hundreds on a dress but never go and buy the right bra." So true!!!! I’m not saying that my wardrobes are perfect, but one of my pet peeves is the ill fitting bra - that was me yesterday...I was so frustrated with my bra yesterday...couldn't get it to work with my one strap top and then hide the bra lines! I check the bra and boob situation in the mirror several times over!! Bra straps that show, wearing the wrong color, bra bridge sticks out, nipply under a sheer top or the back strap that shows on a low back dress.

It is sooooo very important to wear the right bra. Your bosom buddies will thank you for this little lesson. The right bra will not only be comfortable, but will give you that little umph in the cleavage, make you stand taller, make you look slimmer, offer better support and improve your shape. Plus, when wearing a stunning Marciano dress, no one wants to see bra straps, bra bridge, bra lines or a neon pink zebra print bra – a good bra fit will make your clothes look better!!

Here are what I think are a must in every Tashaan lingerie closet. They help me take my clothes to the next level….or shall I say to the next cup!

Beautiful You Breast Petals. They are great!!!! These are ideal for when you have something with a deep V or backless. They will prevent those awkward nipply moments with the AC turns on. Simply place over your nipples. They are easy to take off and come with a carrying case. Con: They do not offer any lift or umph.

Beautiful You Backless Strapless Bra. I’ve tried many backless, strapless bras and this is the best!! It has never fallen down – even after a night of dancing - and (with practice) gives great umph. Simply follow the directions on the box. I purchased mine at Target.

Very sexy VS bra – My favorite bra for everyday!! It’s Victoria Secret’s Very Sexy Bra…need I say more. Because they are so expensive, I usually purchase in simple colors so that I can wear them with white, beige or sheer fabrics.

Perfect Strap. Great for tops/dresses with a racerback or T-back design. It’s also very useful for adding extra umph or creating a better fitting bra - helps the straps and lifts the bra/cup.



Frilly, sexy little things. Not only do we feel a little sexy and naughty during the day, but they are great fun for your John Abraham (I wish) to take off at night....or go bra-less :D !! I think we all need a few of these to bring out our inner Bipasha.



BTW…if your wondering if you are wearing the right size, I generally get the ladies at Victoria Secret to help me find the right size when I feel uncomfortable in my bras. And, here’s a helpful article on how to find the right bra size: http://www.liv.com/right_bra.php

What are your favorite bras? Must have accessories? What does your man say about bras? Post on the blog or email me at desigirlhouston@gmail.com.

Ummm.....I'm Back Again!!!!

"Its going to be really hard; we're going to have to work at this everyday, but I want to do that because I want you. I want all of you, forever, everyday." Noah, from The Notebook

Soooo...yet again...i was on a hiatus. But, I'M BACK!!!

Here's what I've been doing the past few months...ready...it's a doozy!

I finalized my divorce, learned to stay strong, developed an amazing new relationship with God and spirituality, started volunteering and really feeling like I'm making a difference in the world, met some amazing new girlfriends, found an apartment, furnished it, got out of debt, started dating, stopped dating, then started dating again, met a great guy, found a new job, found another new apartment, broke up with a guy, lost my faith and am now getting ready to move closer to the city, start my new job and have currently banished anything that has a penis from life.

I didn't check my blog for quite some time. So, naturally there were several emails and comments that I hadn't responded to; I will respond to your emails. Not so surprisingly, the one blog entry that keeps getting comments, questions and emails is the one on converting for love. Rather than answering all questions and concerns, let me fill you in a little closer to what has been filling my time (btw...if you can, click on one of the advertisements to the right now...help a single gal out....need new shoes =)

In addition to the job hunt, apartment hunt, get out of debt plan, volunteering, girlfriends, meditating, I met a guy. Even before dating. I met him through a girlfriend so felt a little confident that he might be normal. The first time I met him was a group event...I had my girlfriends eye him too. Then had some other friends ask around and get the dirt. Census: he's a nice guy, funny, friendly, down to earth, volunteers, doesn't drink...you'd like him. Give him a try. So, I did. Every time we hung out, we talked for hours about everything and yet nothing important. He was funny, fun and easy to be with. As time passed, my feelings grew, made sure he knew what my feelings and expectations were every step of the way. He said his feelings and expectations were the same. I was now invested. It wasn't perfect, but I was happy. And, if I had any concerns, I would talk to him and he would do his best to address my concerns or fears.

BTW, did I mention he was Muslim.

That's right....screeching halt! Hold all those horses!! Am I seriously doing this again? Have I lost my freaking mind? Clearly the answer to this is obvious - YES!! After being rejected by my husband for who I am, getting rejected by a Muslim man for who I am, am I really trying to build a relationship with another Muslim man? Again, the answer is obvious - YES! And yes, you are right....I'm a moron!

I saw the issues, concerns and fears about dating someone who is Muslim, but because I believed that things between us were easy, fun and compatible and because I had the desire to try to make things work, we would support each other and figure it out with the families. And, quite honestly, in my eyes, the other concerns weren't that relevant. I believed and still believe (amazingly throughout all this heart break) that when you care for someone and are trying to build a relationship, you have to be honest with yourself about what you're willing to compromise on and what you're not. In my case, at that point in time, there was nothing that I felt I was giving up or truely compromising. I was simply accepting this man for his amazing strengths and human faults.

Unfortunately, as is my history, my past, my luck, my kismet, my bad luck, my choice in men, my stupidity in believing in Bollywood endings...call it whatever you want...there was something else in store. After creating some precious memories, he told me with sadness, "we need to move on because my family wants a Muslim girl." Hmmmm. What do you say to that? I remember saying so many things: "Let's just try;" "please change your mind;" "how do you know they won't;" "we were happy though"...oh how my desperation and utter sadness/grief/fear of losing this man took over me. I begged him to change his mind. He was adament that he won't.

It took me a few days, but I finally accepted his decision.

I don't have closure, so I'm not going to add here what I want to say to him. But, I will tell you what I think about religion and love…since that is what so many of you have asked me about. So here is what I think:

1. If you know religion is an important part of who you are and to your family, then please don’t look at, date, consider or fool yourself about dating someone who is a different faith. You will only hurt yourself and the person that you care for. To stand by the person that you care for and support them in the face of wanting a relationship, religion and family requires a strong sense of who you are and strength to answer many questions. If you don’t think you can do it, then don’t go any further. STOP now while no one is hurt.

2. If religion is important to your family, but you can still see yourself with this person, then do the right thing, STAND UP FOR HER/HIM. It will not be an easy battle, it will be difficult for you, your partner, parents, family, siblings, grandparents and friends. It will be a long battle. Start slow. Tell you family this person is your friend and introduce them. Tell everyone that s/he makes you happy. Teach each other about the beliefs, customs and value that your families hold. Be open to learning; accept and embrace with dignity and true love. Involve your partner in your family events, customs, prayers and gatherings. Slowly introduce this person as the person you love. Address everyone’s fears. Show your families and your partners that there is a way to make this work.

3. As early as possible, as early as you can, begin to have the tough conversations with your girl/boyfriend about the role religion will have in your life. I would suggest by the second or third date (again, you should only be going on the second or third date if you have the courage to confront your family about your relationship choices). Beliefs or customs that are important to you, how your children will be raised, will there be a dominant religion in the home, customs that you wish to continue to follow and what both of you think about converting. This conversation is not about making demands, but moreso focused on what aspects of your religion and culture are important to you in your relationship, your concept of family and your future.

I once thought religion was the true definition of love. That there is nothing more pure, true or innocent as love, especially the love you learn through devotion and faith in God and through devotion and faith in the man you love. I’ve since learnt that love and religion are two very complicated factors in one person’s life. I’ve seen couples where it has worked out – Christian/Hindu; Christian/Muslim; Jewish/Christian; Sikh/Christian. It was not easy and it was a long road for my friends; but, it worked for the best. They are all happily married (who doesn't have disagreetments) with beautiful children, homes filled with love, and shared goals and values. There are reasons that these marriages work: open communication, love, understanding and acceptance, chemistry, a sense of “we” and partnership, and clear understanding of expectations for everything that is important to a person. The differences that were present didn’t matter to them because when the day is over, they are winding down with each other, their relationships are great, easy, fun & their values, beliefs and customs enmeshed on its own.

And, above all else, there was courage, desire and a want to make it work because they saw that this person was one of their answers to finding happiness.

Thoughts? Opinions? I know you have some. Post on the blog or email me at desigirlhouston@gmail.com.

Stay tuned for more of my dating woes and the lastest fashions for 2010!!

Love Aaj Kal - Is Love Really this Complicated?

That’s not quite the question that the film asks but that’s how I felt leaving the movie theatre. A spur of the moment plan (yup…I’m a dare devil...watching a Bollywood movie on a Tuesday night) made with a girlfriend started off with me getting lost on Highway 6 and ended up with me crying at the theatre. But, her cousins walked out laughing and exclaiming how cute the movie was. They are young, attractive, recently graduated from university and the eternal optimists when it comes to love. My girlfriend and I are desperately trying to hold on to the belief that a prince charming will sweep us off our feet and onto a beautiful white stallion…or a red mustang ;-)

Love Aaj Kal (LAK) starred Saif Ali Khan, Deepika Padukone and Rishi Kapoor. It really was a cute love story. It showed how the power of love transcends generations. It portrayed that love always will be, continues to be and still is a powerful emotion that binds two people beyond logic and rationale. It can make a sane person insane and a irrational person completely rational. Times and relationship dynamics have changed, but the need for the emotional and bond is still quite alive. Actually, I feel more needed today than ever before.

The story follows two couples – Jai and Meera in modern day London and Veer and Harleen in Dilli of the 60s. I’m not going to talk much about the story lines because I would recommend the film for you to watch, but LAK did raise some interesting questions and thoughts in my mind.

In today’s age of facebook, booty calls, match.com, shaadi.com, youtube and the need to meet immediate gratification, is romance dead? Have we forgotten how to tell those close to us that we love them – how much they mean to us? Did we ever know how to do this? Do we always keep the very thoughts that want to come exploding out of our hearts, our minds and our souls a secret not only from ourselves, but from those the most dearest to us? If so, why? Have expectations become harmful to a relationship? Can you imagine what would happen if we just opened our mouths and uttered the simplest of words with love and honesty…I’m sorry! I love you! I miss you! I need you! I want it to be you! Rescue me and I’ll rescue you!

And, how is that in our parents generation despite the challenges, despite the personality differences, despite the BS, they were able to stay together and build a home and family? With all the conveniences of modern day society, how is that we are not able to do the same? How is that personality conflicts and personal desires become so significant to create a distance that the Grand Canyon would seem a speck of dust?

How is that we made love so very complicated?

I have no answers to any of these questions. I suppose for now, It just is what it is. I’ll keep holding on to the belief that someone who loves me will whisk me away. And, after watching LAK, I realized that I do want the old school love story…simple, caring, innocent, lasting. The modern day romance seems full of drama and difficulties.

I cried near the end of the film because it hit so close to home. Watching her move furniture around by herself, wipe the makeup off her face at the end of the day and try to maintain the belief that her love will come back to her when he realizes that their love is real and strong released the tears. Whether it was my marriage or the new guy, my feelings were genuine. I wanted to care for them like no other.

I have gotten several emails, calls and talks about the entry about converting for love. The responses have been quite interesting, ranging from support to being in awe for the honesty to what the hell were you thinking to the guy’s a jerk, and if he loves you then he will accept you as you are. Concerns about being on a rebound, am I not concerned about what people would say, this is not the right guy, that I’m dating too soon, that I got played and that I lost my mind.

So let’s clarify a few things. I wasn’t dating him I enjoyed his company and was interested in getting to know him better. Where that was going to go, I don’t know. I’ve been having an internal debate about when is the right time to date after a separation/divorce. I think it’s different with each person, but in my situation, it is right now. Unfortunately, our marriage had been over for years. We lived together, went out together, but we were miles apart. It was a very lonely marriage. I’ve done all the grieving, crying and sadness that I can do and need to do so that I can move on. I’m ready. I’m still not saying commitment or relationship. Rather, I’m saying that I’m ready to meet people, go out, have fun and enjoy. While I’m enjoying we’ll see what happens. I’m ready to find somebody who enjoys my company as much as I enjoy his. To be with someone who wants to live and love life as I do. To teach me and help me grow.

He wasn’t a rebound. A rebound is someone I would have used to mend my “broken heart”. And, I had done that the day I told that ex that it’s time to separate and move on. The minute I uttered those words, my heart felt relieved…literally like a massive boulder had been left from my chest; all the pain had gone. After having been with my ex for six years, its natural to think of him, but I don’t think of him daily, I have no ill feelings towards him or our relationship and I’ve grown since we separated. My feelings for the new man were genuine and no, he is not a jerk. But because I care for him, I am choosing to respect his feelings of wanting to be with someone of the same faith.

Yes, sometimes I do think that he played me, used me, had his fun and moved on. When I get stuck in those thoughts, I remind myself of how he treated me kindly. Besides, thinking of him in this way isn’t going to make things any easier for me. My heart just can not believe that he is a jerk or a player. I believe it was the situation, not him or me. And, if he did turn out to be a player…well, that doesn’t say much about my judge of character, now does it? I do wish he would have called me once just to see how I’m doing. Oh well. There is no point thinking of that now.

And, yes I do agree that in a healthy relationship there is love, acceptance, understanding and respect of my differences and strengths. But, when making the choice to marry and start a family, some logic is important. Understanding and agreeing what faith will be practiced in the home, language, expectations for clothing and food, what will the children be named…these are important details to discuss prior to marriage. Once those initial expectations are laid out, then we can allow the trust, respect, and love build on the marriage.

I think desi weddings are beautiful and fun, but we often get so wrapped up with the four days of parties and the details of the color scheme, the perfect entrance walk and the perfect wedding jora, that we forget to focus on the marriage. I’ve learnt that discussing day-to-day expectations with family, career, money and spending quality time is so much more important then having discussions of centerpieces.

I have learnt a lot about myself, relationships and compromise through my marriage, divorce and other life experiences. I still believe that for me as long as my world view, what I want for my future and for my children and general philosophies match, I would convert. Whether my children are named, Sukhdeep, James or Imran, I will still love them. Whether I’m wearing a salwaar kameez or jeans, I will still respect him and his parents as best as I can. Whether I’m saying it in Punjabi, Hindi, Urdu or French, my love for my partner will be strong and pure. And, whatever name I use in my prayers, I will still have faith in the One Supreme God to guide me between right and wrong. Why? Because I believe love, respect, trust, understanding, honesty and sense of humor are the pillars of a strong relationship.

It’s like Noah said from the Notebook: “It’s going to be really hard; we’re gonna have to work at this everyday, but I want to do that because I want you. I want all of you, forever, everyday.”

A very wise, wise, friend said “someone may not show their love in the way you expect, nonetheless, it doesn't mean that their love for you is not unconditional or true.” That is what relationships are all about. Love is selfless, with no ego, true and simple. Marriage is complex, full of adjustment and compromise. But, a marriage with love and respect will remain strong and lasting.

So, I will enjoy what I have in my life today and wait for someone who can offer me what I’m looking for; who will make a place for me in their heart. Until then, its dinner, movies, dancing, Masti and virgin Pina Colada’s with some amazing ladies!!!

Tell me what your thoughts are about LAK. Comment here or email me at desigirlhouston@gmail.com

The New Sari

There have been quite a few posts, emails and calls about my last entry. I will respond to what everyone has said…I’m just mulling over all that has been said and that I’ve experienced in the last few days. I will post a response soon! And, your thoughts, opinions and well wishes are truly important to me! Thanks. In the meantime, I hope you enjoy this!!!

Just like all Desi fashionistas, I love the look of the sari. It is a classic, timeless style statement. Whether it is yesteryears beauty Sharmila Tagore or Naagin Sri Devi or a beauty queen like Sushmita Sen, the sari complements all time periods, generations and style statements. You can wear a sari from your mom’s closet or a designer piece like SatyaPal - it is always feminine, timeless, elegant, traditional, innocent, classic and shexxy!

Unfortunately, I hate wearing saris. I love how they look on; a sari can hug the right curves, hide the wrong curves and with the perfect pleats and pallu add innocence and sensuality to a woman’s Tashaan. But, I hate wearing them.

(a) I don’t know how to tie a sari (I will admit that on one occasion I even you-tubed and googled the steps to tie a sari…it took me 2 hours!!! But the hostess dragged me to the bathroom because she needed help tying her sari and she wanted her pleats to resemble mine!!)

(b) I don’t know how to walk in sari – all that fabric inbetween my legs swooshing about…aaarrrggghhh!! I feel like I’m going to trip. The kick-step-kick-step is too much while trying to walk in stilettos in a sari holding a plate of samosas and trying to follow a conversation.

(c) I don’t know how to hold anything while trying to carry my pallu. No camera, no purse, no food, no drink. I can't imagine having a little one to take care of.

(d) I don’t know how to dance in a sari. Bhangra is not meant to be with the pleats flying about and the pallu all over the place. And, I have that fear of tripping in a sari (A Bollywood rain dance can only be done in a sari though).

(e) I don’t know how to pee in a sari!! Enough said.

This is why I only wear a salwaar kameez, chooridaar, or a lengha. They are so simple and less complicated. I know how to wear them, how to walk, can hold anything, can dance, can pee and feel fully clothed!

So, needless to say I was in a panic for my sister’s wedding. I didn’t want a sari and I knew the lengha that I wanted would come with a pricetag (I’ve been told I have expensive taste…I think it's because I recognize quality and Tashaan). So I ventured to Poshak in Houston, where Designer/Owner Sameera made the perfect lengha for me – simple, beautiful and a complete expression of my Tashaan! (The amazing part was she created the design for my blouse in less than five minutes after listening to what I wanted and needed! It was perfect!)

But, if I had known about this new sari/lengha combination I would have jumped on it!! And if you knew about it, shame on you for not sharing the secret!!! The lengha-sari is the perfect fusion of the sari and lengha in one outfit.

The lengha-sari is a sari without the pleats - it looks like a lengha with a pallu. Rather than the pleats at the front, the lengha sari is adorned with a variety of embellishments, patterns, paneling and colours. The pallu is draped just as you would a traditional sari. It’s ideal for me!! It has the ease of a lengha, with the timeless beauty of a sari. Here are some of my favorites online. (Somebody have a party so I can order one!!!!)




What do you think of the new lengha-sari? Would you wear one? Where? Post your thoughts (or pictures of you in your favorite a sari, lengha or sari-lengha) at desigirlhouston@gmail.com

Would You Convert for Love?

“A religious man is a person who holds God and man in one thought at one time, at all times, who suffers harm done to others, whose greatest passion is compassion, whose greatest strength is love and defiance of despair.” ~Unknown

I've been thinking about this question for quite some time. Yes, you are all assuming right. I'm interested in guy who is a different religion. While the whole thing is simple yet complicated, I couldn't help but ask myself, if I feel in love again, would I be willing to convert to be with him? And, no, I'm not in love with him. Attracted and enjoy his company better describes how I feel right now.

A simple Google search – you should know by now that I Google everything - on this question compiled a large number of websites and forums. Of all the sites I clicked on, the answer was “No, I would not convert for love.”

The reasons varied. One writer stated that asking to convert would be “a violation” of the basic principles of relationships: understanding and respect for each other. Another spoke about how it would hurt her family to marry outside of the faith, even though she admitted that neither her nor family were religious. Another woman said “if you are truely in love, then why should that person have to change anything at all.” And, a man wrote “i consider my religion to be a huge part of my identity, and I would never be able to give that up for someone.” One entry believed that it was a selfish request to ask another to convert?

Having dated, married, divorced and now dating again, I can honestly say that there is a possibility that I would convert for the right set of beliefs and the right man. There are some that would say that I am not a true believer if I am willing to leave Sikhism. To them, I would say, try carrying my heart around for a day.

For a relationship to survive, it requires the right ingredients; the perfect mix of chemistry, personality, sense of humor, attraction (physical, emotional, mental), beliefs and values, goals, family approval, religion, career/money, compatibility, respect, understanding and acceptance. Do you have any idea how difficult that is to find in a man?

It is not my lack of faith that tells me its okay to convert but because of my strong faith and belief in God that I think its okay to convert. Religion is a relationship between you and God, something that guides you, teaches you how to love God and people, helps you build morals and beliefs, differentiate between right and wrong. I believe that as long as you have the love and respect for God, as long as your world view and path are similar, what difference does it make what you call Him and in what religion’s name? (Now, I do agree with the Google entries that one should not convert only for their partner, but should do so out of respect and belief in the religion.)

Sikhism has taught me a lot and made me the person that I am today. For example, Sikhism has taught me that there is only one God, devotion, avoid the five vices (I'm able to avoid 4 of the 5) and embrace the eight virtues, about justice and equality, charity and donation, and daily devotion. To enjoy all that God has given to us – the ability to use reason, our loved ones, our homes and being able to jump in a puddle right after it rains (yup…did that over lunch today! It was so much fun…I encourage all of you to go out and jump in a puddle, make a big splash! Don’t worry…it’s only water and it will dry.)

One of my earliest conversations with my Dad was about the concept of one God. That each of us take different paths and call Him by a different name – Jesus, Ram, Allah - but each path, with its principles and belief, and each name ultimately takes us to God. The scriptures teach us “Blind or poor, He is support.” Isn’t this what all religions teach us? So, why the separation?

My life experiences and my divorce have taught me a lot. They have pushed me away from my faith and then back towards my faith. They have taught me how important love, respect and acceptance are in a relationship. My ex (oOoOoOo…first time using that phrase) and I were the same religions, spoke the same language, shared the same background, but it wasn’t enough to save the marriage. We had different worldviews, goals in life, expectations of the relationship and personalities. I was going left and he was going right. No amount of faith in God was going to save our marriage because we had lost the faith in each other and in the “us.” After feeling unloved and unappreciated for what feels like an eternity, for me love is very important in a relationship. Love is what binds the two people together.

Yet, I know couples of different races and religion who have faced, and continue to face, hurdles in their marriage and as they raise their children. Because of the love and respect they have for one another they are surviving. Actually, looking at them, I believe they are living, enjoying each day with one another and in love; I was the one trying to survive in my marriage.

When I think of converting one’s religion for love, I always think of my sweet, beautiful friend and her wonderful husband, let’s call them Saheli and Derek. After dating for quite some time, they decided to get married. Derek was honest that he wanted his children to share his faith. Saheli saw in him the husband that she wanted and the devoted father that she knew he would be and agreed. Now, she faced her challenges and lectures from both family and friends but she is happily married with two beautiful, intelligent little children. She has her daily struggles in being a wife and a mother, but her faith is strong. Derek and Saheli survived this hurdle because of their love, respect and acceptance of one another. She is still the same wonderful person I knew, only happier - living her life in love with her husband, her children and faith. Isn’t this what religion teaches us? What God wants for each of us?

I recognize – trust me I really, truly do recognize – that relationships are complicated regardless of religion. Making the decision to convert one’s religion is not something to be taken lightly. I believe it is absolutely vital that you have faith in God, but also see the value of your significant other’s religion and its basic tenets. Just as important is your faith in your potential partner. I don’t think converting just so I can have a boyfriend or husband is right. I’m looking for the right combination of love for my man and in his religion to make the plunge.

And, for the right man, I am willing to go pretty far for love.

Perhaps, I’m naïve or being overly romantic. But, at the end of the day, I just want to be with that one person that loves me, regardless of religion and race. I am a good, honest, imperfect person looking for love. Real, unconditional, insane, goofy love which is difficult to find and if I find it I don’t want anything to stand between us. And, I would assume if I have strong feelings for him than it is because of some common world view. So how can I not embrace his religion, isn’t it what made him who he is today? Is it not what made me fall in love with him?

(For the curious at heart...the man that I'm interested in, well...he's a wonderful man who wants to be with someone of the same religion. I hope he finds who he is looking for! Now, if he changes his mind about me...and if he doesn't, then....)

Your turn: would you convert for love? Comment here or email me at desigirlhouston@gmail.com.

Spend less, save more and still go shopping??

Most of you know that I like shopping...okay i live for shopping. For me shopping is more than just about buying things. It's a great way to relax, hang out, build relationships and support my girls. And, we get pretty things out of it as well :)

But, like so many others, with the state of the current economy and my divorce looming over my heads, I too am trying to find ways to spend less and save more. Now unfortunately, I can not lock myself in my apartment and never socialize again, so I created a budget and follow some simple tricks to spend less.



I've discovered a few things: I need to make more money, I hate budgeting and my tricks work...if I stick to them.

I found some easy, simple ways to pay off my credit cards and save a little money each month...Hey...I'm on my way to saving more. I strongly recommend Suze Orman's latest book entitled Suze Orman's 2009 Action Plan - Keeping Your Money Safe and Sound. It's a very easy read filled with amazing, ready-to-use tips from everything from credit cards to college funds to mortgages to shopping (yes, ladies...a whole chapter on shopping...a.k.a. spending).



I also found simple ways to save a little money with everyday things, like groceries and cell phone bills. Below are some great websites from Real Simple magazine that talks about these money saving tips. I hope you enjoy them and find them as helpful as I did.

http://www.realsimple.com/work-life/money/saving/how-to-save-on-00000000016999/index.html

http://www.realsimple.com/work-life/money/spending/money-missteps-that-matter-00000000006213/?xid=weeklynews

And, here's a link for an interesting article from Time.com about where I money is going during the recession. Some of these surprised me (i.e. soup purchases are down and organic food purchases are up) while others did not (i.e. movie ticket sales are up, as is contraceptive sales).

http://www.time.com/time/specials/packages/article/0,28804,1911974_1911972,00.html

What are you doing to save a little money? Share your thoughts by posting here or email me at desigirlhouston@gmail.com.

The Hardest Things to Say

At home, sick in bed...damn strep throat...my delirious mind wandered. I remembered a MySpace account that I had started months ago. Below is an entry from that account (I've changed the wording a little, but the message is still the same...only speak from your heart). I stopped maintaining that account because I started this blog, but I think this entry is still relevant!

The three most difficult things to say are:

I love you!

I'm sorry!

I need your help.

Such easy and simple words that can be uttered in a moment. But, they are truely the hardest to say because they must be said from the heart and show your vulnerability. Uttering these words in a moment's notice, one fails to recognize their importance and then betray their meanings.

If you say "I'm sorry" and then follow it by not learning from your mistake or changing your ways, are you really sorry for the pain that has been caused? Or, are you just sorry for the present level of discomfort that you now feel? For getting caught for being selfish or doing something wrong? By saying "I'm sorry" simply because its the right thing to do, it is meaningless! Sometimes not apologizing takes as much courage as apologizing - defending your beliefs, your values, your actions is important too. A true apology is filled with empathy, consoling, and a desire to do/be better in the future.

If you say "I love you!" but then you ask for constant change, criticize, belittle, ashame, ignore and yell. Or, you are with that person because you think it's the right thing, for children, for parents, for society. That is not love. That is you being unfair to two people - yourself and the other person. Love is unapologetic, forgiving, accepting, calm, warm, comforting. Love is what brings the best out of you! If when you say "I love you!" doesn't make you smile or make the other person smile, it is not true love. And you both deserve better. Let them go so that both of you can find your true love.

If you say "I need help", it shows your courage to persevere! It shows you are a strong person who recognizes her weaknesses and despite them you want to overcome your challenges. And, when you make this request and it is followed by finger pointing, feelings of shame or regret, then realize that it is not you. But, rather it is the other person. They are not worthy of your honesty or friendship and they do not see you for the real person that you are.

Over the years, "I love you," "I'm sorry," and "I need help" have become some of the simplest phrases in my relationships. Whether they are whispered or shouted from the rooftop, whey speaking from the heart, there is honesty, love and trust in all of them! And, I hope when they are said to me, they are only said from the heart. Coming from any other place is only devaluing the relationship.

If they can not be said from the heart, then I wish they not be said to me at all!

Tashaan is Back!!!!!

But, I do have a good reason for my absence.

I'm well aware that it has been quite some time since my last entry. Almost three months!! And, now I'm back...and more to say than ever before!! About shopping, fashion trends, boys, some men, Tashaan, dating, girlfriends, the books that I've been reading and how incredibly difficult it has been to maintain my Tashaan.

Before I start writing about the fun stuff, a quick update on what's been happening in my life...and its a doozy! The last few months have been tough but with God's grace, the love of friends and family, and knowing that I am deserving of true love and happiness I have made it through.

Sadly, I am getting divorced. I won't go into details here out of respect of him and his family, but unfortunately we didn't love each other enough to make the marriage work or to truly address all of the issues. We tried for six years but there is not enough time in the world to make us fall in love or want to make the marriage work. And, while it is sad that we lost each other (for I still believe he is an incredible man who will make some woman very happy), I truly believe that I am in a happier place today then I ever was when I was married. And, I know with all my heart and soul that I will find a happy fairy tale ending with my special someone as well.

Divorce, especially in the Desi community, is not something to be taken lightly. For anyone contemplating separation or divorce, try to make your marriage work. No partner is ever perfect and no marriage is ever perfect. Everyone will face daily squabbles, disagreements or arguments. But, as long as there is mutual love, respect and the desire to want to be with your partner, your marriage is worth fighting for. (If you are in an abusive relationship, then there are no explanations, excuses or reasons for staying. You deserve better...get out now! My public service announcement for the day!!!)

Marriage is a step that many take when they are not emotionally, socially or financially ready, but do because of Desi societal and familial pressures, many take the plunge. Some figure out how to swim, others are just trying to stay afloat, and some like me drown! Divorce is something that two very mature minds have to discuss and make the decision together.

So, once the decision was made I felt so light. Like I had no care in the world. Because, as in the words of Carrie Bradshaw, "I'm looking for love. Real love. Ridiculous, inconvenient, consuming, can't-live-without-each-other love." Its been difficult to keep my Tashaan. My friend, Raj, was right; a divorce only shows how your a bad person and made a relationship fail. I felt like Alice from Alice in Wonderland falling down the Rabbit hole. It was dark, there was no ending, completely out of control and out of touch with reality, nothing for me to grab onto and I had no idea what I was going to land into.

Fortunately, I had some amazing friends to catch me along the way and cushion my fall. It was easy to loose faith in myself, in God and in hope of finding love. Thanks to each of them, I was able to hold my head up high and follow my Tashaan to where I am today. While falling down the rabbit hole, I lost my confidence, and with the support of my friends and family and God's support, I was able to find and build a new sense of confidence, attitude and redefined style. I know what I want, I know what I deserve...i just gotta figure out how to get there now!

I want the happy Cinderella ending. A home, filled with love shared with my husband and a beautiful little child and a beautiful shoe closet. I want to be loved and respected for who I am and what I bring to someone's life. I want to love someone every day and every night. I want to be recognized as a woman who can be rational, emotional and sexual all at the same time. And, I want to be seen as a good, honest person, who has perfected a balance between a liberal worldview and Conservative family values. At the end of the day, I want to be happy with the one man that I love.

So stay tuned for this Tashaan girl's new adventures, thoughts and perspectives on life, Tashaan, fashion n style and dating. It should be interesting, hopefully with not too many broken hearts or poor fashion tastes!

Share your thoughts or email me at desigirlhouston@gmail.com.

Women Are Like Wine

Well, it's finally happened. I'm the big 3-0. One day I was 29 and the next morning I was 30. I'm not sure what I was expecting when I woke up that morning, but there were no real firework or ephiphanies. I followed my normal routine - shower, get ready, breakfast, work - and met with girlfriends for drinks, dinner and Chocolate Bar (I just need an excuse for the Candylicious Junkyard cheesecake).

As I was going through my day, thanking everyone for their birthday wishes and waiting for the new body aches and pains to begin, I started reflecting my past decades and on the new decade that I had just entered. I've learnt alot about life and people and yet I feel so unknowledgable. Here's what I have learned:

I have learned to be comfortable and proud of who I am - body, mind and soul!

I have learned that beauty and Tashaan are not in the designer labels, but in our hearts, our good deeds, humbleness, and smile. Do something nice for someone everyday.

I have learned that doing the right thing, means doing the right thing by my standards. And, sometimes doing the right thing really sucks.

I have learned the importance of never settling, being drama free, to expect nothing from nobody, and demand respect from everybody.

I have learned to always be honest, even when being honest means saying something unkind. Avoid the games.

I have learned that trust and respect is one of the most significant aspects of any relationship - love, business, family, friendship. Without these, there is no relationship.

I have learned that I am worthy of all signficant relationships and that not all relationships need a title. And, if a relationship doesn't work, it's not because I'm a bad person or not good enough or missing something but because there is someone and something better waiting for me around the corner.

I have learned that having a plan b is not beign pessimistic, it's being logical and prepared. Keep a first aid kit in your car and know CPR.

I have learned all people are kind and good. Its the situations that suck and bring out the ugly.

I have learned how to compromise without loosing myself.

I have learned there is no shame in enjoying Bollywood movies and hoping things have a happy dance sequence ending. But, it's also important to be realistic.

I have learned that being with someone doesn't mean always needing to go out, it means enjoying each others company even with a flat tire in the middle of nowhere.

I have learned that I don't have to be perfect to be loved. I'm good as I am - quarky, outgoing yet shy, dorky and can never keep my white pants white for more than an hour.

I have learned that I will never be perfect and will always be on a path to better myself as a human.

I have learned that I am capable of independence.

I have learned that I am never alone, even in my darkest of hours. I will always have the love of my parents, brothers, sisters, friends and God.

I have learned to always take the time to jump in the puddle after it rains.

I have learned fresh flowers make you smile and appreciate the little things in life.

I have learned to be thankful for all that I have.

I have learned the best thing is a cup of tea with a great person listening to rain or awesome music.

I have learned that just because two people love each other, does not mean they should be together.

I have learned that peoples' needs change, people grow and it is okay to "outgrow" a relationship, if growing with the relationship isn't possible.

I have learned to only do that which lets me see myself in the mirror and look people in their eyes.

I have learned that loving someone is to accept who they are, imperfections and all.

I have learned that people will hurt, even those you love. It's more important to remember their true intentions are filled with love, not hate. And, to forgive.

I have learned to always smile and laugh - its contagious and makes others feel relaxed and comfortable. Most importanly, to not take myself so seriously and to laugh at myself.

I have learned to never use people, just be honest about your expectations of the relationship, no matter how minimal it may be.

I have learned that to love with all your heart and to never stop dreaming.

I have learned that love does come when you least expect it, usually wrapped up in the complete opposite of your dreams and fantasies, followed by some klutziness, bumbling, rambling.

I have learned to work on relationships as hard as when in school and building a career.

I have learned that when I'm older and grayer, its not the looks that will matter, but if He can make me laugh and I feel respected.

I have learned that I'll be okay and I will survive.

And, I have learned that I still have a lot to learn about myself and others, and to be open to the new lessons and new relationships of this next decade.



Below is what a friend of mine sent me (not sure if he wrote it or found it online). And, it reminded me that women are like fine wine, we're better with age.

As I grow in age, I value women who are over 30 most of all. Here are just a few reasons why:

A woman over 30 will never wake you in the middle of the night to ask,“What are you thinking?” She doesn’t care what you think. If a woman over 30 doesn’t want to watch the game, she doesn’t sit around whining about it. She does something she wants to do. And, it’s usually something more interesting.

A woman over 30 knows herself well enough to be assured in who she is, what she is, what she wants and from whom. Few women past the age of 30 give a damn what you might think about her or what she’s doing.

Women over 30 are dignified. They seldom have a screaming match with you at the opera or in the middle of an expensive restaurant. Of course, if you deserve it, they won’t hesitate to shoot you, if they think they can get away with it.

Older women are generous with praise, often undeserved. They know what it’s like to be unappreciated.

A woman over 30 has the self-assurance to introduce you to her women friends. A younger woman with a man will often ignore even her best friend because she doesn’t trust the guy with other women. Women over 30 couldn’t care less if you’re attracted to her friends because she knows her friends won’t betray her.

Women get psychic as they age. You never have to confess your sins to a woman over 30. They always know.

A woman over 30 looks good wearing bright red lipstick. This is not true of younger women. Once you get past a wrinkle or two, a woman over 30 is far sexier than her younger counterpart.

Older women are forthright and honest. They’ll tell you right off if you are a jerk if you are acting like one! You don’t ever have to wonder where you stand with her.

Yes, we praise women over 30 for a multitude of reasons. Unfortunately, it’s not reciprocal. For every stunning, smart, well-coiffed hot woman of 30+, there is a bald, paunchy relic in yellow pants making a fool of himself with some 22-year-old waitress.

Share your thoughts about women in their 30s here or email me at desigirlhouston@gmail.com

How to Make Shopping Fun: Know What Your Body Needs

When shopping and admiring the curves and varities of women's bodies, it is easiest for me to group women in four body type categories: the triangle, the circle, the hourglass and the rectangle. I am by no means a body type expert. And, quite frankly, there are many different models of categorizing the female body. A simple Google search on "body type" identifed at least 5 additional body types that I have never considered (what the heck is an "oval body type?")

I encourage all Tashaan ladies to use my posts as a guideline. The best way to know your body type is to admire yourself and all of your extraordinary curves in a mirror, either in your birthday suit or in your favorite outfit to identify which one of the body types you are closest to. And, learn to love what you see. Remember, its not the clothes or your bootyliciousness that makes you, its your heart and soul. Your clothes are only an extension of what's already so beautiful.

In sticking with the fruit references, let's move from the bootylicious pear, to the "ample apple," a.k.a. the cirlce. You are an apple, if you have full breasts, slim arms and slim hips. And, when you gain 3 pounds, it all goes to the midsection - your tummy. If you have an apple body, it's important to remember that you are trying to de-emphasize your tummy, make your hips look wider and your shoulders look slimmer.



You want:
- low rise slim cut pants that will make your legs look long and lean. Pair this with a long tunic.
- the shift dress is structured and camouflages the tummy.
- a tunic glides over the tummy. Find one that has pleating and sits lower than your natural waist line.
- an empire waist top that sits at the narrowest part of the rib cage also creates a slimming effect. However, be careful because sometimes the empire waist top can create the illusion that your pregnant. (I've been asked if I was pregnant. Naturally, I donated that shirt the same day.)
- choose dark colours for tops and pair them with bold accessories OR tops that are light/pastel OR dress in monochromatic colours.
- pencil skirt
- large belt slung low on the hip
- accesorize your neckline. It will keep the eyes away from your trouble spot.
- sari: wear the sari lower on your waist and choose materials other than chiffon. You don't want to show your tummy hanging.
- churidaar: apply the same rules as dresses. Nothing too tight, stuctured and be careful of the anarkali style because it can create the pregnant look.
- look for subtle details in the clothing: cinching, rouching or wrap style. They add texture and drama to the outfit and camouflage very well.

To avoid:
- anything that draws attention to your tummy, such as high waisted pants or skirts, skinny belts or cinched tops.
- shrugs or boleros with skin tight fitting tank tops.
- below the knee skirts: rather than accentuating your assets, your hiding them and placing focus on your trouble areas.
- fitted or tailored clothes (clothing must fit properly, but it must note be skin tight).

How to Make Shopping Fun: Know What Your Body Needs

Last night, after a few sangrias, girl talk and girl giggles, my girlfriend said nonchalently, how hard it was to shop. I looked at her in a daze and nervously asked her what it was that was difficult. Maybe she was referring to the traffic, long lines, waiting rooms, rude sales associates – I hate that!! No. She was not. “I never know what to buy.”

What? She has a killer figure, gorgeous skin complexion, beautiful eyes and awesome hair…she’s one of those girls that can pull off anything that she tries on! Me on the other hand, with my triangle/hourglass figure, I can only wear certain styles and not all colours flatter my skin tone. I often feel like I have the same outfit in different styles!

So, below is a quick guide for how to shop for the right clothes for your body shape!

There are four body shapes that women fall into.

The triangle: Your shoulders and torse are narrower than the hips.
The circle: You tend to gain weight around your middle.
The hourglass: I don’t think this needs any more of a description.
The rectangle: There is no waist definition and often called a boyish figure.

I’ll write about each of these over the next few days.

The Triangle, a.k.a. the pear

You have a long neck, small bust size, a defined waist and a killer booty! You may hear that you have “back” or “good child bearing hips”. Trust me, men and women are checking out your booty.



You want:
- Attention to your upper half
- Details that bring the eyes to the face, bust, neck and waist
- Tops: jewels, bright colours, play with necklines, puffy sleeves, prints, textured fabrics, wide straps, halter tops.
- Skirts: a-line
- Pants: flared or wide leg pants and jeans.
- Choose dark colours for bottoms.
- Dresses: empire waist or a wrap dress which will emphasize the slimmest part of your body.
- Shoes: stilettos: thin heels make your legs look longer and leaner.
- Sari: have the focus placed upon the pallu or the blouse. You don't want to have big polka dots on your behind.
- churidaar: avoid short tops. The tight churidaar places emphasize on your thunder thighs.

To avoid:
- body hugging skirts, bias cut skirts or dresses
- skinny jeans, pockets
- patterns and colours for the bottom
- high waisted pants or skirts
- jackets that sit on the widest part of your hips.













Are you pear shaped? How do you dress your body? Comment here or email me at desigirlhouston@gmail.com

First Lady Michelle Obama: Fashion Do or Fashion Don't?

Earlier this month, First Lady Michelle Obama was criticized by Oscar de la Renta for her choice in clothing when she met with the Queen, stating that “You don’t…go to Buckingham Palace in a sweater.” In fact, President Obama was slammed for his choice of gift for the Queen – an iPod loaded with pictures of her 2007 visit to the US. And, Michelle was criticized for hugging and placing her hand on her back...seriously people? Since when did hugging, sharing a warm touch or showing friendly concern become a criticism, annoyance or area of concern?



Style – be it the First Lady, kindergarten teacher, stay-at-home mom/dad (yes, I admire stay-at-home dads as well) or the mailman - is about reflecting who you are as a person. I believe it’s about wearing that one special outfit and shoes that makes you feel beautiful, approachable, confident, warm, personable and real the minute it touches your skin. And, for this you don’t need designer/exclusive clothes. And, having style does not mean that you have to stop being who you are and what you do - change diapers, run board meetings, get the oil changed or have a martini.

What I greatly appreciate about the First Lady’s style and fashion choices is that they are “real.” She chooses outfits and reflects Tashaan that the average American working woman can afford and wear on a daily basis as she runs around Houston picking up the dry cleaning, getting gas, dropping the kids to school, buying groceries, making dinner and putting the kids to bed. She attempts to show that despite being married to one of the most powerful and popular men of the present time, she is still real, honest and approachable. I also believe her sense of style is glamorous and classic.

The Tashaan of the current White House is laid back, playful, yet business and respectful. Her choices in clothes and accessories and his choices in gifts truely do reflect what they represent - a hope for change and progress.

Michelle Obama has been sported wearing the designs of fashion underdogs, J. Crew and White House Black Market. Designers and representatives have stated that celebrity interest increases when the First Lady is seen in their piece. Company representatives have repeatedly stated that any item of clothing worn by the First Lady becomes a best selling item, further substantiating the First Lady’s ability to identify with the fashion needs for the average Seema in the United States.

The First Lady’s tashaan reflects that she is NOT stuck up, stuffy, high maintenance, high class, or snotty. Isn’t that what we want in our First Lady? Since when did being unapproachable and cold become traits admired in women, let alone women in power. And, wasn’t Sarah Palin criticized for her $180,000 wardrobe purchase during the campaign weeks. At the time, it was brought forward that her fashion budget for one month was equivalent to the salary of a plumber ($37, 514). As an avid shopper of White House Black Market, I personally guarantee that you will not spend your entire paycheque for one outfit…maybe a quarter of it.

I’ve said this before, I’ll say it again and I’ll stick by it: our clothes and style, not just that of the First Lady, reflect who we are and how others perceive us – it only takes 5 seconds for a person to develop an opinion of us. So we should wear that which makes us feel confident in who we are, wear that which represents who we are and wear that which allows us to do what we need to accomplish in any given day.

Just like Jackie Kennedy, Jennifer Aniston, Priyanka Chopra, Bipasha Basu and Priety Zinta, Michelle Obama is reinventing fashion. She is attempting to change the perception that many have of Americans as the “ugly American” while appearing relatable to American women.

Below are some of my favorite Michelle Obama outfits.













What are your thoughts about First Lady Michelle Obama's tashaan. Comment here or e-mail me at desigirlhouston@gmail.com

Are Desi Women Holding Desi Women Back?

Recently, I met with a girlfriend and we shared my favorite SB's passion iced tea sweetened and gabed away! She is a great person to bounce ideas off of, tell me of my fashion faux-paux, and give me the latest Bollywood gossip...did you know that there is possibly an affair brewing with bad-boy Salman Khan and newbie Asin?

Well, amidst the Bollywood gossip, she told me about a new singer emerging...East meets West style. I was very excited...I love seeing young Asian women break the cultural gap. And, its always nice to see a familiar brown face in a sea of white. Isn't that one of the reasons why Desi's everywhere were excited about A.R. Rahman's Oscar wins this year?

Well, as I'm getting ready to support a fellow desi, my Gf began with her ranting and raving about Tina Sugandh Tabla Girl. Based upon one interview, it was decided that Tabla Girl is a ditz, horrible singer and should be ashamed of how she exposes her body, which incidentally she does so to hide her lack of talent. WOW!! Naturally, I had to youtube this and see for myself.

After watching a few of Tabla Girl's videos, I was ashamed of my girlfriend and her ugliness. Was there a reason to spew such a strong disliking for a young woman that she had never met? Why did she judge so quickly? Why hate a desi girl for being unconventional and following her dreams? Being a desi girl, was she a desi woman hater?

I read once somewhere at sometime in some point in life, that for a desi woman, other desi women are her worst enemy. Be it family, friends, acquaintances or total strangers, I have observed and personally experienced the wrath of the desi woman – its Kali at its truest form – the stare down, gossip, back-handed compliments, gossip, criticisms, gossip, the look-over, insults and did I mention the gossip.




Desi women don’t even lay a finger on one another and yet when their mouths open its like watching the Ramayan all over again. Those tongues come at you like the arrows of Ram and Lakhsman. Ladies beware!! I personally have been called a snob, high maintenance, fat and slutty. And, this is what some desi women were able to say to my face; I can only imagine what is being said behind my back. (For those that don't know me, I'm not a snob, drink Ozarka, size 6ish and have had sex with only one man my whole life!)

Now I’m freaking out. Am I a desi woman hater? I mean, didn’t I just judge a desi girl for her poor taste in shoes with an Anarkali suit?

Why do desi women hate other desi women? Why are desi women holding other desi women back? Why ridicule, shame or belittle when a desi woman attempts to overcome barriers? Better yet, why are women ugly towards other women? I could try to understand if the hate came from religion or caste or sexual orientation. And, while this is the case sometimes, most often the hate stems from our own insecurities and low self esteem. If you consider that hate that you either experienced or gave to someone else, the realization hits that it was due to jealously or wanting something which you do not have or believe you lack.

The hate also stems from our innate competitiveness. Humans, not just desi women, have an inner desire to win. What is it that we are competing for? A career, a man, compliments? I strongly believe that even if you “win” these things, you will not feel any happier than without these. And, at some point you will find yourself searching for something else to win. Friendly competition is healthy. It is what makes you succeed in life and achieve your goals. Competition based upon making others feel bad or ashamed is not healthy for anybody. Winning a prize – fairly or ugly - does not define who you are. Who you are is based upon your beliefs, your values, your kindness, your tashaan, your soul and your heart! Not your bank account, your car, your social circle – these are things that can be replaced with other things.

In the Art of Happiness, the Dalai Lama spoke about the American peoples “comparing mind.” It is essentially the concept of ‘keeping up with the Sharmas’ even if we can’t afford the big house, the two cars, laser hair removal and the swimming pool! He encouraged readers to rather than compare ourselves to what we DON’T have, the focus should be on what we DO have – a healthy family, food on the table, a job, a roof over our heads, a car to drive.

It is the same for desi women. Rather than placing the emphasis on competing and comparing with other desi women, we should be supporting one another and our accomplishments. Research has consistently demonstrated that women of color will always be discriminated against in the workforce, so why not support the desi woman who has overcome the glass ceiling? Will that not benefit all desi women, not just her?

In 2008, Forbes magazine released the "100 Most Powerful Women" list and included Congress president Sonia Gandhi, Uttar Pradesh Chief Minister Mayawati, PepsiCo chief executive Indra K. Nooyi and Biocon founder Kiran Mazumdar-Shaw. And, let's not forget the first desi woman astronaut Kalpana Chawala. In fact, the list of desi women who have achieved the "first" title covers women in all domains - business, fashion, art, science and sports. I would assume that along their journey, they too heard the jeers and taunts from other desi women about their goals. Now we hold these women in a higher respect for the work that they have done, not only in their fields but also for opening doors for other desi women.

So to answer my earlier questions, why did my girlfriend have such a strong disliking for a young woman that she never met? Why did she judge so quickly without taking the time to listen to another interview or watch another performance? Is she a desi woman hater? I don’t know. But, she was reminded that she is an amazing woman who is not lacking anything and does not need to be compared to any desi girl because she is a one in a million gem to me.

So, I sent my girlfriend another video of Tabla Girl asking her to watch it with an open mind. This time not watching her outfit, but listening to her voice, the lyrics and the tabla. After watching the video for "Stay", she agreed that it takes true talent to sing and play tabla as is done in the video. And, that her clothes are inappropriate for a Desi role model. I guess it's hard to take all the hate out of a Desi girl.

Check out the video for yourself. Click on the link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e9PQVbTFf7E&feature=PlayList&p=66B21330E52E69FD&playnext=1&playnext_from=PL&index=7