Monday, July 12, 2010

I Love Lists - this is My Ultimate List

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I recently discovered a blog called Ruby 40. Ayesha Haqqui, editor of Bibi Magazine, has written a list of 40 things that she hopes to accomplish now that she has turned 40. Before becoming officially old (she said it not me =) she hopes to cross of the items on her list. Ayesha cites numerous reasons such as social pressures, fear and procrastination, for not having done these things so far. Having found a balance between work and play, she is now tipping the scales towards play, self-awareness and finding happiness in the simple pleasures.

So, inspired by her for embracing her singledom, independence and passion, here is my list of things I hope to accomplish before I turn 40. Surprisingly, this was a tough little list to write up. While some things on my list may seem extravagant – such as the African Safari – they are actually not. They are simple pleasures to make me smile and to feel FREE.

I believe as I accomplish each item on my list, I will be one step closer to freedom, happiness, contentedness and peace. I will be one step closer to having loosened the shackles of fear, expectations and demands that I have placed on myself and that Desi culture imposes on Desi women. As I find peace and contentedness with life today, I will find myself in a state of peace and excitement as I experience this list.

1. Go on an African Safari.
2. Pet a tiger.
3. Break my shyness.
4. Stop being afraid to love again.
5. Jump in a waterfall.
6. Ask a guy on a date.
7. Take a hot air balloon ride.
8. Travel to Asia.
9. Ride an elephant.
10. Go skydiving.
11. Learn a new language.
12. Write a book.
13. Send a message in a bottle.
14. Walk the beach in Dubai.
15. Walk across the Golden Gate bridge.
16. Get a puppy.
17. Get my belly button pierced.
18. Get in shape.
19. Harass…I mean call my sister more often.
20. Make someone laugh everyday.
21. Buy a condo to build a home.
22. Put up more pictures.

If you had a list what would you put on it? Can you think of anything else that needs to be on my list? Post here or email me at desigirlhouston@gmail.com.

Thursday, July 8, 2010

For the Love of Shoes

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“It’s really hard to walk in a single woman’s shoes – that’s why you sometimes need really special shoes!” – Carrie Bradshaw, Sex and the City

Shoes.

I’m truly one of those of those girls who can never stop loving shoes, purchasing shoes and admiring shoes! No matter where I am in life, all is well at the sight of these pretty little things! I love everything about them. The colours, the fabrics, the styles, the height, the sex appeal...each shoe has its own little personality.

I love how shoes have the ability to take an outfit from drab to stylish. One of my staple outfits is my favorite jeans, t-shirt, statement earrings and my killer heels.

Shoes can not only transform a plain Jane/pindu outfit, but also plain Jane/pindu kuri herself into a stunning Bollywood Diva. High heels make your legs look long and slender, you stand taller and exude confidence and sex appeal.

The one thing I do hate about shoes – they can often be very, very uncomfortable resulting in pinch toes, calluses, sore heels and knees, and sweaty and swollen feet.

So, over the many, many steps that I’ve taken in my beautiful shoes, here are some lessons learned that have made it easier to wear my lovely shoes. Hope this helps other shoe lovers!!

1. Always, always, always buy shoes that fit. Many a times I have bought shoes that were too tight or too loose simple because they were “cute.” I have found no savior product that will make the shoes fit. Wearing shoes that are not the right fit is uncomfortable and a cause for pain whenever you realize you can’t wear them.

2. Always wear you new shoes around the house to break them in.

3. When walking in high heels, take smaller steps. Not only does it help me balance on my heels, but it takes the pressure off the balls of my foot.

4. Pedicures. Regular pedicures are a great way to manage the calluses and get a quick foot massage. Trust me, the smaller the callus, the less the pain.

5. In recent years, there are many different insole options. Invest in a pair of insoles for your high heels. With all the products and sale gimmicks, the best is to try on a few different types. We all have different feet needs, so insoles will feel differently to each of us.

6. Pediegg and Epsom salt. In between my pedis, I will soak my feet in Epsom salt and give my foot a quick rub down with the Pediegg.

7. Peppermint foot spray. The Body Shop Peppermint Cooling Foot Spray to be particular. It’s a great way to give your feet a quick pick-me-up during the work day.

8. Naturalizer and Lifestride. While I love my stilettos, a 8-10 hour work day on my feet are not the best time to wear my favorite stilettos or pumps. For those days, I wear my Naturalizer or Lifestride’s. Both of these shoes are well known for the their “shoe technology” that makes amazingly comfortable shoes - Naturalizer boasts their N5 “shoe comfort technology” – and have come a long way with designing sexy shoes. No one believes my red stilettos and black gladiators are from Naturalizer.

9. Look for shoes with either a platform that supports the front of the shoe or a thicker heel to increase support.

10. Carry a few band-aids in your purse just in case you develop a blister or rubbing.

11. Wear different shoes every day; if possible, alternate between flats and high heels. Not only does this help your shoes last longer, but it also allows your feet to rest up inbetween high heels.

What are your tricks to making your favorite sexy shoes comfortable? Post here or email me at desigirlhouston@gmail.com.

Sunday, June 13, 2010

Platonic Friendships - "Just Friends" or Hidden Desires

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"Each friend represents a world in us, a world possibly not born until they arrive, and it is only by this meeting that a new world is born." - Anais Nin

The last few weeks have really pushed me to answer this question: Can boys or girls be friends? Actually, the question should read “can single adult men and women be “just friends” or are there hidden desires and intentions?

I am strong believer that men and women are capable of being “just friends”. I’m not referring to the friendship that many ask for or attempt following a break-up. I’m referring to the strictly non-sexual, trusting bond that can form between a man and a women…gender has nothing to do with the friendship. It’s a friendship based upon mutual trust, respect, understanding, shared sense of humor and values. It’s an innocent friendship that is supportive, non-judgemental and full of love.

BUT…yes, there is a big but…I’ve realized that it is not as simple for the world as it is in my mind.

I’ve always valued my friendships with my girlfriends. Its an unconditional support that families, boyfriends or husbands can never offer. As one girlfriend said today, “I would feel lonely without my girls.” I also value the companionship and support that only a man can offer. I recognize that the complexities of his love are comfort that only he can offer.

One of my favorite relationships has always been (what in my mind’s eye) has been is the innocent friendship that exists between a man and a woman. There is no romantic love or sexual attraction; it is simply a friendship that offers support, guidance and truth; a friendship that encourages both to promote the good and happiness for the other. It’s a simple friendship.

Unfortunately, society and our Desi culture dictates the expectation that men and women can not be “just friends.” There must be more. Harbhajan Mann’s first film Jee Aayun Nu had a song that describes my thoughts perfectly, Aksar Lok. (If you haven’t heard it, I strongly recommend youtubing it.). The song is simple. It asks for the two to find a name that will define their relationship so that it can be legitimized and understood by outsiders.

Take a look at our pop culture that we were raised in: Harry Met Sally; Diane and Sam from Cheers; Monica and Chandler from Friends; Maine Pyar Kiya; Hum Aapke Hai Kaun; and Parineeta. Not to mention our own Desi parents questioning if we “like” the boy that we’re studying with. So, it is no wonder that as adults it is difficult to comprehend that single men and women can be “just friends”. That a guy making small talk at the cash register is doing just that…small talk. Or, that a girl who is being friendly can be simply friendly, not flirting.

I believe adult men and women can be friends. There are just a few IFs that need to stated to lessen the confusion:

1. If they’ve known each other for years, perhaps even met in college. There seems to be no confusion about the dynamics of the friendship.
2. If neither person has no physical or sexual attraction to the other.
3. If its been clearly stated and understood that there will be no dating or sex.

I’m not being naïve about the dynamics that exist between men and women. I agree that oftentimes there is sexual tension between men and women. As one “just friend” said, 80% of the time the guy is interested in more than just friends. And, while I can’t control how others will interpret my actions or intentions, I have learnt that I need to do what I can to minimize misunderstandings so not to lose good “just friends.”

A single woman and a married woman can both interact with the same man in the exact same manner. The married woman will be seen as off the market, just being nice. The single woman will be questioned if she is flirting, leading the guys on, looking to get laid.

I recognize that as a newly single woman living alone in a city far away from her family, it will be difficult for many to understand that I’m not dating or interested in or wanting to have sex with every man that I speak with. I recognize that while I’m planning group dates for movies or arcades, that my actions may be interpreted as “interested” in one of the guys. I recognize that as independent as I am and as progressive as I’d like to think our culture is, I will always have to manage these impressions by strangers, friends and family alike until I have a man standing next to me to say “she’s with me."

While I’m not trying to minimize the complexity of the platonic friendship, what do you think? Can men and women be just friends? Post here or email me at desigirlhouston@gmail.com

Wednesday, May 19, 2010

Miss America is Mulsim....so what?

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Miss America 2010 winner is Rima Fakih, an Arab-American. Almost 72 hours since she won the crown and the controversy and debates have already begun. Pictures surfing of her pole dancing, riske lingerie pictures and critics questioning her Americanism or her representation of Islam or an Arab-American.

I have no comments for the pictures. Actually I do. I thought the lingerie pictures were tastefully done. Art work actually. The camera does enjoy taking pictures of her. The black and white shots were amazingly taken by the photographer. And, that’s all I have to say. Controversy has not been shy to the beauty pageants in recent years so I don’t see why discussing controversy here will be important.

But, what is important is the many who are questioning her Americanism or her adequate representation of Islam.

Rima Fakih will be representing USA in the Miss Universe pageant because she is an American. Her parents immigrated to the USA, however, she was born and raised Michigan. Since winning the crown, she has repeatedly stated that her household is a liberal Muslim family that follows both Christian and Muslim religious traditions.

No one has asked any questions about what makes her as American as apple pie for her to bear the crown of Miss USA? She was born the USA. She went to USA colleges and attained degrees. She wore the gown and gracefully walked the stage, even catching herself while she stumbled. She wore the bathing suit and strutted across the stage. She answered the “controversial” questions about birth control. What is un-American about her that she not don the crown?

I also believe what this win has shown is that the white, blond, blue eyed beauty standards are of yesterday. Today’s American beauty standard is very different – dare I say its Brown!! I believe Miss America Rima Fakih is demonstrating the new beauty standard for American women – curvy, dark haired, brown, confident and smart!

As a non-Mulsim or non-Arab-American, perhaps I shouldn’t state my opinion of the second controversial debates surrounding Sunday’s beauty pageant. But, since this is my blog, I will!! In grad school, I was taught to remember “there is diversity within diversity.” It simply means that within any group of people there is great diversity; there are different people, languages, lifestyles, cultures, and liberal and conservative beliefs.

The Muslim community is one such example. Being Muslim does not imply that all followers of Islam will hold the same beliefs, values or lifestyles. They may not speak the same language; one may wear the full burqa, another a headscarf, while others are comfortable in bikinis; one may believe that they can hit their wife and others hold women in high esteem. The only thing in common is that they all identify as Muslim.

While I understand that Islam encourages modesty – actually all faiths do – wearing a bikini or a short skirt or a tank top, does not mean that a woman does not have respect for her religion or God. I believe importance should be placed on our deeds, behaviors, expressions of love and friendship, understanding of good, bad and ethics, and ability to forgive. Not the clothes that I wear or the language I speak or the country I was born in. I believe that Arab-American/Muslim community should be proud that this young woman was able to break barriers and positively represent herself and her community in the international arena as a smart, sassy beautiful Arab woman, not as a terrorist.

(I do have issues with beauty pageants and what they are teaching young girls; however, that is not the topic of this entry…perhaps another day I will mention the unrealistic standards of beauty, the love South Asians have for the light skinned beauty queen and how walking in a gown or a swim suit is not the only thing that should be used to determine beauty standards.)

Unfortunately, whether she wants to or not, she will be recognized as an Arab pageant winner, not as an American beauty queen.

On Sunday, as the Miss America pageant was airing on TV, I was at the Houston Palestinian Film Festival which had aired too films on taboo topics – breast cancer and honor killings. As I walked out of the theatre thinking of the many innocent women who died because of false accusations and then heard of the criticisms surrounding the beauty pageant, I couldn’t help but think, is religion and culture making us stronger or weaker?

Perhaps it was the films or the frustration with so many being upset with Rima’s win or my own personal experiences, but I feel that culture and religion have made us weaker. Both culture and religion help develop values, beliefs and paradigms in which we shape our everyday lives and the big picture. They help us learn who we are and shape who we want to be. They provide us an understanding of right and wrong. But, as we are learning all this, religion and culture place the individual in a box, one in which only those four walls are seen and heard. Reason does not exist.

All we see is that which we live in, said to us and taught to us. It is that very ignorance and blind acceptance of truth that weakens a person. And, ultimately a community. Be proud of who you are, but don’t forgot to respect AND accept the other for who they are. I believe, once the walls of religion and culture are torn down we all have the same goals – to be happy!

Wednesday, May 12, 2010

The "IT" Accessory of Spring Summer 2010

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I’ve gone back and forth about what my favorite accessory for spring/summer 2010 is. Hands down it’s the feather headband. I love it!!!

Headbands have been around since the days of Jackie O and Audrey Hepburn. Even Bollywood wasn’t spared in the 60s and 70s with tinseltown’s ladies were seen with a headband in jeans, salwaar kameez and saris. I still love the look of the poof or bump-it paired with a simple headband or scarf.

Just like everything else, the headband was re-created by adding feathers and crystals. It's the easiest way to complete an outfit: pair it with jeans and a t-shirt or with a dress. You can wear this to work or brunch with the gals or a Friday night date. This accessory truly pulls an outfit together and makes a strong Tashaan statement.

As you can see from the pictures below the options are endless. You can choose the elegance of the peacock feather (my personal favorite) or the uniqueness of the ostrich feathers; have it fall on your whole head or a skinny headband; or have it lay flat or swing in the air. Choose one that complements your hair colour, with vibrant colours and one that reflects your personality. (I could never pull off the red and black headband, but love the blue peacock feathers).

You can find my favorites at Bebe, Aldo Accessories or Icing by Claire's.











What’s your favorite accessory for this spring summer? Post here or email me at desigirlhouston@gmail.com

Monday, May 10, 2010

Houston Happenings!

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So many fun things happening in Houston that I wanted to tell you folks about...maybe I'll bump into some of you tashaan fashionistas there!!! Check it out below.

May 21 @ Pravada - Dance the night away with Bollywood, bhangra, top 40, hip hop and more Bombay's DJ Akeel and Houston's DJ Scoop, DJ Chani, DJ Samia and DJ Manu. Purchase your tickets at sulekha.com

May 22 @ Sugarland Marriot Town Square - Trunk show and exhibition with stylings from AURA by Noureen Dhanani, EN VOGUE by Sana and Shireen, A.R. DESIGNERS by Arefa Merchant and IMPRESSIONS OF INDIA by Neelam Tejpal. If you're looking for original sarees, pakistani salwaar kameez, antique jewellery and evening bags, then this is the one-stop show for you. For more info, contact auradesignstudio@yahoo.com.

May 22 @ the Arena Theatres. Listen, dance and enjoy the original, awesome voice of Sukhwinder Singh. Singer of amazing hits like Chaiya Chaiya, Jai Ho and many more. Call or visit humtumcity.com for ticket information.

Of course this does not include the amazing art & museum exhibits, zoo trips, art crawl & scavenger hunt, art car show, movies (Housefull and Iron Man 2), Sunday Funday's, coffee shops, brunches and sheesha nights that I'll be enjoying with my favorite people!! Seriously, hopefully I'll see you out n about.

Ciao!!

What are you doing in remaining May weekends? Email me at desigirlhouston@gmail.com or post your comments here.

Tuesday, May 4, 2010

Bad Habits that Can Age You

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During my lunch hours, I love to spend my time de-stressing from a hectic morning by reading articles from various online magazines. I came across one today that got me thinking. The article, from TimesofIndia.com, was titled “4 Bad Habits that can Age You 12 Years.”

The article cites the following as the 4 big no-nos that can age us:

1. smoking
2. excessive drinking: 3+ per day for men and 2+ per day for women
3. poor diet: eating less than three services of fruits and vegetables.
4. less than two hours of physical activity per week.

Eeeeeeeekkkkk!!! I have 50% of the bad habits. I will need to increase my fruit and veggies and my physical activity.

While I agree with these four habits as leading causes for some of America’s greatest health concerns (heart disease, diabetes, obesity, cancer…just to name a few), it got me thinking, bad habits that age are not just those that harm our bodies, but also habits that can harm our mind and soul. Have you seen how people who are mean look so much older than the sweethearts of your life?

Here is a list of what I feel are our mind and soul’s “bad habits” that can age us.

- having a short fuse
- being jealous
- low self esteem
- materialistic values or ideals
- depression or anxiety
- relying on others for emotional, physical or financial support
- no intimacy
- being in a unhealthy or abusive relationship
- not seeing our personal value
- negative attitude
- wearing clothes that do not fit our bodies or that are age inappropriate
- not being able to appreciate the little things in life
- polluting our planet
- lack of faith
- not being able to forgive
- being isolated
- not participating in meditation or prayer
- not participating in regular medical check ups

What do you think are the bad habits that age you? Post here or send me an email at desigirlhouston@gmail.com