Tashaan

I Love Lists - this is My Ultimate List

2010-07-12T20:53:00.000-07:00

I recently discovered a blog called Ruby 40. Ayesha Haqqui, editor of Bibi Magazine, has written a list of 40 things that she hopes to accomplish now that she has turned 40. Before becoming officially old (she said it not me =) she hopes to cross of the items on her list. Ayesha cites numerous reasons such as social pressures, fear and procrastination, for not having done these things so far. Having found a balance between work and play, she is now tipping the scales towards play, self-awareness and finding happiness in the simple pleasures.

So, inspired by her for embracing her singledom, independence and passion, here is my list of things I hope to accomplish before I turn 40. Surprisingly, this was a tough little list to write up. While some things on my list may seem extravagant – such as the African Safari – they are actually not. They are simple pleasures to make me smile and to feel FREE.

I believe as I accomplish each item on my list, I will be one step closer to freedom, happiness, contentedness and peace. I will be one step closer to having loosened the shackles of fear, expectations and demands that I have placed on myself and that Desi culture imposes on Desi women. As I find peace and contentedness with life today, I will find myself in a state of peace and excitement as I experience this list.

1. Go on an African Safari.
2. Pet a tiger.
3. Break my shyness.
4. Stop being afraid to love again.
5. Jump in a waterfall.
6. Ask a guy on a date.
7. Take a hot air balloon ride.
8. Travel to Asia.
9. Ride an elephant.
10. Go skydiving.
11. Learn a new language.
12. Write a book.
13. Send a message in a bottle.
14. Walk the beach in Dubai.
15. Walk across the Golden Gate bridge.
16. Get a puppy.
17. Get my belly button pierced.
18. Get in shape.
19. Harass…I mean call my sister more often.
20. Make someone laugh everyday.
21. Buy a condo to build a home.
22. Put up more pictures.

If you had a list what would you put on it? Can you think of anything else that needs to be on my list? Post here or email me at desigirlhouston@gmail.com.

For the Love of Shoes

2010-07-08T19:22:00.000-07:00

“It’s really hard to walk in a single woman’s shoes – that’s why you sometimes need really special shoes!” – Carrie Bradshaw, Sex and the City

Shoes.

I’m truly one of those of those girls who can never stop loving shoes, purchasing shoes and admiring shoes! No matter where I am in life, all is well at the sight of these pretty little things! I love everything about them. The colours, the fabrics, the styles, the height, the sex appeal...each shoe has its own little personality.

I love how shoes have the ability to take an outfit from drab to stylish. One of my staple outfits is my favorite jeans, t-shirt, statement earrings and my killer heels.

Shoes can not only transform a plain Jane/pindu outfit, but also plain Jane/pindu kuri herself into a stunning Bollywood Diva. High heels make your legs look long and slender, you stand taller and exude confidence and sex appeal.

The one thing I do hate about shoes – they can often be very, very uncomfortable resulting in pinch toes, calluses, sore heels and knees, and sweaty and swollen feet.

So, over the many, many steps that I’ve taken in my beautiful shoes, here are some lessons learned that have made it easier to wear my lovely shoes. Hope this helps other shoe lovers!!

1. Always, always, always buy shoes that fit. Many a times I have bought shoes that were too tight or too loose simple because they were “cute.” I have found no savior product that will make the shoes fit. Wearing shoes that are not the right fit is uncomfortable and a cause for pain whenever you realize you can’t wear them.

2. Always wear you new shoes around the house to break them in.

3. When walking in high heels, take smaller steps. Not only does it help me balance on my heels, but it takes the pressure off the balls of my foot.

4. Pedicures. Regular pedicures are a great way to manage the calluses and get a quick foot massage. Trust me, the smaller the callus, the less the pain.

5. In recent years, there are many different insole options. Invest in a pair of insoles for your high heels. With all the products and sale gimmicks, the best is to try on a few different types. We all have different feet needs, so insoles will feel differently to each of us.

6. Pediegg and Epsom salt. In between my pedis, I will soak my feet in Epsom salt and give my foot a quick rub down with the Pediegg.

7. Peppermint foot spray. The Body Shop Peppermint Cooling Foot Spray to be particular. It’s a great way to give your feet a quick pick-me-up during the work day.

8. Naturalizer and Lifestride. While I love my stilettos, a 8-10 hour work day on my feet are not the best time to wear my favorite stilettos or pumps. For those days, I wear my Naturalizer or Lifestride’s. Both of these shoes are well known for the their “shoe technology” that makes amazingly comfortable shoes - Naturalizer boasts their N5 “shoe comfort technology” – and have come a long way with designing sexy shoes. No one believes my red stilettos and black gladiators are from Naturalizer.

9. Look for shoes with either a platform that supports the front of the shoe or a thicker heel to increase support.

10. Carry a few band-aids in your purse just in case you develop a blister or rubbing.

11. Wear different shoes every day; if possible, alternate between flats and high heels. Not only does this help your shoes last longer, but it also allows your feet to rest up inbetween high heels.

What are your tricks to making your favorite sexy shoes comfortable? Post here or email me at desigirlhouston@gmail.com.

Platonic Friendships - "Just Friends" or Hidden Desires

2010-06-13T19:49:00.000-07:00

"Each friend represents a world in us, a world possibly not born until they arrive, and it is only by this meeting that a new world is born." - Anais Nin

The last few weeks have really pushed me to answer this question: Can boys or girls be friends? Actually, the question should read “can single adult men and women be “just friends” or are there hidden desires and intentions?

I am strong believer that men and women are capable of being “just friends”. I’m not referring to the friendship that many ask for or attempt following a break-up. I’m referring to the strictly non-sexual, trusting bond that can form between a man and a women…gender has nothing to do with the friendship. It’s a friendship based upon mutual trust, respect, understanding, shared sense of humor and values. It’s an innocent friendship that is supportive, non-judgemental and full of love.

BUT…yes, there is a big but…I’ve realized that it is not as simple for the world as it is in my mind.

I’ve always valued my friendships with my girlfriends. Its an unconditional support that families, boyfriends or husbands can never offer. As one girlfriend said today, “I would feel lonely without my girls.” I also value the companionship and support that only a man can offer. I recognize that the complexities of his love are comfort that only he can offer.

One of my favorite relationships has always been (what in my mind’s eye) has been is the innocent friendship that exists between a man and a woman. There is no romantic love or sexual attraction; it is simply a friendship that offers support, guidance and truth; a friendship that encourages both to promote the good and happiness for the other. It’s a simple friendship.

Unfortunately, society and our Desi culture dictates the expectation that men and women can not be “just friends.” There must be more. Harbhajan Mann’s first film Jee Aayun Nu had a song that describes my thoughts perfectly, Aksar Lok. (If you haven’t heard it, I strongly recommend youtubing it.). The song is simple. It asks for the two to find a name that will define their relationship so that it can be legitimized and understood by outsiders.

Take a look at our pop culture that we were raised in: Harry Met Sally; Diane and Sam from Cheers; Monica and Chandler from Friends; Maine Pyar Kiya; Hum Aapke Hai Kaun; and Parineeta. Not to mention our own Desi parents questioning if we “like” the boy that we’re studying with. So, it is no wonder that as adults it is difficult to comprehend that single men and women can be “just friends”. That a guy making small talk at the cash register is doing just that…small talk. Or, that a girl who is being friendly can be simply friendly, not flirting.

I believe adult men and women can be friends. There are just a few IFs that need to stated to lessen the confusion:

1. If they’ve known each other for years, perhaps even met in college. There seems to be no confusion about the dynamics of the friendship.
2. If neither person has no physical or sexual attraction to the other.
3. If its been clearly stated and understood that there will be no dating or sex.

I’m not being naïve about the dynamics that exist between men and women. I agree that oftentimes there is sexual tension between men and women. As one “just friend” said, 80% of the time the guy is interested in more than just friends. And, while I can’t control how others will interpret my actions or intentions, I have learnt that I need to do what I can to minimize misunderstandings so not to lose good “just friends.”

A single woman and a married woman can both interact with the same man in the exact same manner. The married woman will be seen as off the market, just being nice. The single woman will be questioned if she is flirting, leading the guys on, looking to get laid.

I recognize that as a newly single woman living alone in a city far away from her family, it will be difficult for many to understand that I’m not dating or interested in or wanting to have sex with every man that I speak with. I recognize that while I’m planning group dates for movies or arcades, that my actions may be interpreted as “interested” in one of the guys. I recognize that as independent as I am and as progressive as I’d like to think our culture is, I will always have to manage these impressions by strangers, friends and family alike until I have a man standing next to me to say “she’s with me."

While I’m not trying to minimize the complexity of the platonic friendship, what do you think? Can men and women be just friends? Post here or email me at desigirlhouston@gmail.com

Miss America is Mulsim....so what?

2010-05-19T19:53:00.000-07:00

Miss America 2010 winner is Rima Fakih, an Arab-American. Almost 72 hours since she won the crown and the controversy and debates have already begun. Pictures surfing of her pole dancing, riske lingerie pictures and critics questioning her Americanism or her representation of Islam or an Arab-American.

I have no comments for the pictures. Actually I do. I thought the lingerie pictures were tastefully done. Art work actually. The camera does enjoy taking pictures of her. The black and white shots were amazingly taken by the photographer. And, that’s all I have to say. Controversy has not been shy to the beauty pageants in recent years so I don’t see why discussing controversy here will be important.

But, what is important is the many who are questioning her Americanism or her adequate representation of Islam.

Rima Fakih will be representing USA in the Miss Universe pageant because she is an American. Her parents immigrated to the USA, however, she was born and raised Michigan. Since winning the crown, she has repeatedly stated that her household is a liberal Muslim family that follows both Christian and Muslim religious traditions.

No one has asked any questions about what makes her as American as apple pie for her to bear the crown of Miss USA? She was born the USA. She went to USA colleges and attained degrees. She wore the gown and gracefully walked the stage, even catching herself while she stumbled. She wore the bathing suit and strutted across the stage. She answered the “controversial” questions about birth control. What is un-American about her that she not don the crown?

I also believe what this win has shown is that the white, blond, blue eyed beauty standards are of yesterday. Today’s American beauty standard is very different – dare I say its Brown!! I believe Miss America Rima Fakih is demonstrating the new beauty standard for American women – curvy, dark haired, brown, confident and smart!

As a non-Mulsim or non-Arab-American, perhaps I shouldn’t state my opinion of the second controversial debates surrounding Sunday’s beauty pageant. But, since this is my blog, I will!! In grad school, I was taught to remember “there is diversity within diversity.” It simply means that within any group of people there is great diversity; there are different people, languages, lifestyles, cultures, and liberal and conservative beliefs.

The Muslim community is one such example. Being Muslim does not imply that all followers of Islam will hold the same beliefs, values or lifestyles. They may not speak the same language; one may wear the full burqa, another a headscarf, while others are comfortable in bikinis; one may believe that they can hit their wife and others hold women in high esteem. The only thing in common is that they all identify as Muslim.

While I understand that Islam encourages modesty – actually all faiths do – wearing a bikini or a short skirt or a tank top, does not mean that a woman does not have respect for her religion or God. I believe importance should be placed on our deeds, behaviors, expressions of love and friendship, understanding of good, bad and ethics, and ability to forgive. Not the clothes that I wear or the language I speak or the country I was born in. I believe that Arab-American/Muslim community should be proud that this young woman was able to break barriers and positively represent herself and her community in the international arena as a smart, sassy beautiful Arab woman, not as a terrorist.

(I do have issues with beauty pageants and what they are teaching young girls; however, that is not the topic of this entry…perhaps another day I will mention the unrealistic standards of beauty, the love South Asians have for the light skinned beauty queen and how walking in a gown or a swim suit is not the only thing that should be used to determine beauty standards.)

Unfortunately, whether she wants to or not, she will be recognized as an Arab pageant winner, not as an American beauty queen.

On Sunday, as the Miss America pageant was airing on TV, I was at the Houston Palestinian Film Festival which had aired too films on taboo topics – breast cancer and honor killings. As I walked out of the theatre thinking of the many innocent women who died because of false accusations and then heard of the criticisms surrounding the beauty pageant, I couldn’t help but think, is religion and culture making us stronger or weaker?

Perhaps it was the films or the frustration with so many being upset with Rima’s win or my own personal experiences, but I feel that culture and religion have made us weaker. Both culture and religion help develop values, beliefs and paradigms in which we shape our everyday lives and the big picture. They help us learn who we are and shape who we want to be. They provide us an understanding of right and wrong. But, as we are learning all this, religion and culture place the individual in a box, one in which only those four walls are seen and heard. Reason does not exist.

All we see is that which we live in, said to us and taught to us. It is that very ignorance and blind acceptance of truth that weakens a person. And, ultimately a community. Be proud of who you are, but don’t forgot to respect AND accept the other for who they are. I believe, once the walls of religion and culture are torn down we all have the same goals – to be happy!

The "IT" Accessory of Spring Summer 2010

2010-05-12T19:52:00.000-07:00

I’ve gone back and forth about what my favorite accessory for spring/summer 2010 is. Hands down it’s the feather headband. I love it!!!

Headbands have been around since the days of Jackie O and Audrey Hepburn. Even Bollywood wasn’t spared in the 60s and 70s with tinseltown’s ladies were seen with a headband in jeans, salwaar kameez and saris. I still love the look of the poof or bump-it paired with a simple headband or scarf.

Just like everything else, the headband was re-created by adding feathers and crystals. It's the easiest way to complete an outfit: pair it with jeans and a t-shirt or with a dress. You can wear this to work or brunch with the gals or a Friday night date. This accessory truly pulls an outfit together and makes a strong Tashaan statement.

As you can see from the pictures below the options are endless. You can choose the elegance of the peacock feather (my personal favorite) or the uniqueness of the ostrich feathers; have it fall on your whole head or a skinny headband; or have it lay flat or swing in the air. Choose one that complements your hair colour, with vibrant colours and one that reflects your personality. (I could never pull off the red and black headband, but love the blue peacock feathers).

You can find my favorites at Bebe, Aldo Accessories or Icing by Claire's.

What’s your favorite accessory for this spring summer? Post here or email me at desigirlhouston@gmail.com

Houston Happenings!

2010-05-10T21:23:00.000-07:00

So many fun things happening in Houston that I wanted to tell you folks about...maybe I'll bump into some of you tashaan fashionistas there!!! Check it out below.

May 21 @ Pravada - Dance the night away with Bollywood, bhangra, top 40, hip hop and more Bombay's DJ Akeel and Houston's DJ Scoop, DJ Chani, DJ Samia and DJ Manu. Purchase your tickets at sulekha.com

May 22 @ Sugarland Marriot Town Square - Trunk show and exhibition with stylings from AURA by Noureen Dhanani, EN VOGUE by Sana and Shireen, A.R. DESIGNERS by Arefa Merchant and IMPRESSIONS OF INDIA by Neelam Tejpal. If you're looking for original sarees, pakistani salwaar kameez, antique jewellery and evening bags, then this is the one-stop show for you. For more info, contact auradesignstudio@yahoo.com.

May 22 @ the Arena Theatres. Listen, dance and enjoy the original, awesome voice of Sukhwinder Singh. Singer of amazing hits like Chaiya Chaiya, Jai Ho and many more. Call or visit humtumcity.com for ticket information.

Of course this does not include the amazing art & museum exhibits, zoo trips, art crawl & scavenger hunt, art car show, movies (Housefull and Iron Man 2), Sunday Funday's, coffee shops, brunches and sheesha nights that I'll be enjoying with my favorite people!! Seriously, hopefully I'll see you out n about.

Ciao!!

What are you doing in remaining May weekends? Email me at desigirlhouston@gmail.com or post your comments here.

Bad Habits that Can Age You

2010-05-04T20:22:00.000-07:00

During my lunch hours, I love to spend my time de-stressing from a hectic morning by reading articles from various online magazines. I came across one today that got me thinking. The article, from TimesofIndia.com, was titled “4 Bad Habits that can Age You 12 Years.”

The article cites the following as the 4 big no-nos that can age us:

1. smoking
2. excessive drinking: 3+ per day for men and 2+ per day for women
3. poor diet: eating less than three services of fruits and vegetables.
4. less than two hours of physical activity per week.

Eeeeeeeekkkkk!!! I have 50% of the bad habits. I will need to increase my fruit and veggies and my physical activity.

While I agree with these four habits as leading causes for some of America’s greatest health concerns (heart disease, diabetes, obesity, cancer…just to name a few), it got me thinking, bad habits that age are not just those that harm our bodies, but also habits that can harm our mind and soul. Have you seen how people who are mean look so much older than the sweethearts of your life?

Here is a list of what I feel are our mind and soul’s “bad habits” that can age us.

- having a short fuse
- being jealous
- low self esteem
- materialistic values or ideals
- depression or anxiety
- relying on others for emotional, physical or financial support
- no intimacy
- being in a unhealthy or abusive relationship
- not seeing our personal value
- negative attitude
- wearing clothes that do not fit our bodies or that are age inappropriate
- not being able to appreciate the little things in life
- polluting our planet
- lack of faith
- not being able to forgive
- being isolated
- not participating in meditation or prayer
- not participating in regular medical check ups

What do you think are the bad habits that age you? Post here or send me an email at desigirlhouston@gmail.com

Your Most Important Accessory to Your Favorite Dress

2010-04-19T19:22:00.000-07:00

“You know it's a bad day when you put your bra on backwards and it fits better.” - author unknown

A gf of mine made a comment recently which inspired this post. Suchi muchi, I love this girl but her one innocent comment during some boob banter spoke the truth to so many women. She said something along the lines, "I spend hundreds on a dress but never go and buy the right bra." So true!!!! I’m not saying that my wardrobes are perfect, but one of my pet peeves is the ill fitting bra - that was me yesterday...I was so frustrated with my bra yesterday...couldn't get it to work with my one strap top and then hide the bra lines! I check the bra and boob situation in the mirror several times over!! Bra straps that show, wearing the wrong color, bra bridge sticks out, nipply under a sheer top or the back strap that shows on a low back dress.

It is sooooo very important to wear the right bra. Your bosom buddies will thank you for this little lesson. The right bra will not only be comfortable, but will give you that little umph in the cleavage, make you stand taller, make you look slimmer, offer better support and improve your shape. Plus, when wearing a stunning Marciano dress, no one wants to see bra straps, bra bridge, bra lines or a neon pink zebra print bra – a good bra fit will make your clothes look better!!

Here are what I think are a must in every Tashaan lingerie closet. They help me take my clothes to the next level….or shall I say to the next cup!

Beautiful You Breast Petals. They are great!!!! These are ideal for when you have something with a deep V or backless. They will prevent those awkward nipply moments with the AC turns on. Simply place over your nipples. They are easy to take off and come with a carrying case. Con: They do not offer any lift or umph.

Beautiful You Backless Strapless Bra. I’ve tried many backless, strapless bras and this is the best!! It has never fallen down – even after a night of dancing - and (with practice) gives great umph. Simply follow the directions on the box. I purchased mine at Target.

Very sexy VS bra – My favorite bra for everyday!! It’s Victoria Secret’s Very Sexy Bra…need I say more. Because they are so expensive, I usually purchase in simple colors so that I can wear them with white, beige or sheer fabrics.

Perfect Strap. Great for tops/dresses with a racerback or T-back design. It’s also very useful for adding extra umph or creating a better fitting bra - helps the straps and lifts the bra/cup.

Frilly, sexy little things. Not only do we feel a little sexy and naughty during the day, but they are great fun for your John Abraham (I wish) to take off at night....or go bra-less :D !! I think we all need a few of these to bring out our inner Bipasha.

BTW…if your wondering if you are wearing the right size, I generally get the ladies at Victoria Secret to help me find the right size when I feel uncomfortable in my bras. And, here’s a helpful article on how to find the right bra size: http://www.liv.com/right_bra.php

What are your favorite bras? Must have accessories? What does your man say about bras? Post on the blog or email me at desigirlhouston@gmail.com.

Ummm.....I'm Back Again!!!!

2010-04-17T11:03:00.000-07:00

"Its going to be really hard; we're going to have to work at this everyday, but I want to do that because I want you. I want all of you, forever, everyday." Noah, from The Notebook

Soooo...yet again...i was on a hiatus. But, I'M BACK!!!

Here's what I've been doing the past few months...ready...it's a doozy!

I finalized my divorce, learned to stay strong, developed an amazing new relationship with God and spirituality, started volunteering and really feeling like I'm making a difference in the world, met some amazing new girlfriends, found an apartment, furnished it, got out of debt, started dating, stopped dating, then started dating again, met a great guy, found a new job, found another new apartment, broke up with a guy, lost my faith and am now getting ready to move closer to the city, start my new job and have currently banished anything that has a penis from life.

I didn't check my blog for quite some time. So, naturally there were several emails and comments that I hadn't responded to; I will respond to your emails. Not so surprisingly, the one blog entry that keeps getting comments, questions and emails is the one on converting for love. Rather than answering all questions and concerns, let me fill you in a little closer to what has been filling my time (btw...if you can, click on one of the advertisements to the right now...help a single gal out....need new shoes =)

In addition to the job hunt, apartment hunt, get out of debt plan, volunteering, girlfriends, meditating, I met a guy. Even before dating. I met him through a girlfriend so felt a little confident that he might be normal. The first time I met him was a group event...I had my girlfriends eye him too. Then had some other friends ask around and get the dirt. Census: he's a nice guy, funny, friendly, down to earth, volunteers, doesn't drink...you'd like him. Give him a try. So, I did. Every time we hung out, we talked for hours about everything and yet nothing important. He was funny, fun and easy to be with. As time passed, my feelings grew, made sure he knew what my feelings and expectations were every step of the way. He said his feelings and expectations were the same. I was now invested. It wasn't perfect, but I was happy. And, if I had any concerns, I would talk to him and he would do his best to address my concerns or fears.

BTW, did I mention he was Muslim.

That's right....screeching halt! Hold all those horses!! Am I seriously doing this again? Have I lost my freaking mind? Clearly the answer to this is obvious - YES!! After being rejected by my husband for who I am, getting rejected by a Muslim man for who I am, am I really trying to build a relationship with another Muslim man? Again, the answer is obvious - YES! And yes, you are right....I'm a moron!

I saw the issues, concerns and fears about dating someone who is Muslim, but because I believed that things between us were easy, fun and compatible and because I had the desire to try to make things work, we would support each other and figure it out with the families. And, quite honestly, in my eyes, the other concerns weren't that relevant. I believed and still believe (amazingly throughout all this heart break) that when you care for someone and are trying to build a relationship, you have to be honest with yourself about what you're willing to compromise on and what you're not. In my case, at that point in time, there was nothing that I felt I was giving up or truely compromising. I was simply accepting this man for his amazing strengths and human faults.

Unfortunately, as is my history, my past, my luck, my kismet, my bad luck, my choice in men, my stupidity in believing in Bollywood endings...call it whatever you want...there was something else in store. After creating some precious memories, he told me with sadness, "we need to move on because my family wants a Muslim girl." Hmmmm. What do you say to that? I remember saying so many things: "Let's just try;" "please change your mind;" "how do you know they won't;" "we were happy though"...oh how my desperation and utter sadness/grief/fear of losing this man took over me. I begged him to change his mind. He was adament that he won't.

It took me a few days, but I finally accepted his decision.

I don't have closure, so I'm not going to add here what I want to say to him. But, I will tell you what I think about religion and love…since that is what so many of you have asked me about. So here is what I think:

1. If you know religion is an important part of who you are and to your family, then please don’t look at, date, consider or fool yourself about dating someone who is a different faith. You will only hurt yourself and the person that you care for. To stand by the person that you care for and support them in the face of wanting a relationship, religion and family requires a strong sense of who you are and strength to answer many questions. If you don’t think you can do it, then don’t go any further. STOP now while no one is hurt.

2. If religion is important to your family, but you can still see yourself with this person, then do the right thing, STAND UP FOR HER/HIM. It will not be an easy battle, it will be difficult for you, your partner, parents, family, siblings, grandparents and friends. It will be a long battle. Start slow. Tell you family this person is your friend and introduce them. Tell everyone that s/he makes you happy. Teach each other about the beliefs, customs and value that your families hold. Be open to learning; accept and embrace with dignity and true love. Involve your partner in your family events, customs, prayers and gatherings. Slowly introduce this person as the person you love. Address everyone’s fears. Show your families and your partners that there is a way to make this work.

3. As early as possible, as early as you can, begin to have the tough conversations with your girl/boyfriend about the role religion will have in your life. I would suggest by the second or third date (again, you should only be going on the second or third date if you have the courage to confront your family about your relationship choices). Beliefs or customs that are important to you, how your children will be raised, will there be a dominant religion in the home, customs that you wish to continue to follow and what both of you think about converting. This conversation is not about making demands, but moreso focused on what aspects of your religion and culture are important to you in your relationship, your concept of family and your future.

I once thought religion was the true definition of love. That there is nothing more pure, true or innocent as love, especially the love you learn through devotion and faith in God and through devotion and faith in the man you love. I’ve since learnt that love and religion are two very complicated factors in one person’s life. I’ve seen couples where it has worked out – Christian/Hindu; Christian/Muslim; Jewish/Christian; Sikh/Christian. It was not easy and it was a long road for my friends; but, it worked for the best. They are all happily married (who doesn't have disagreetments) with beautiful children, homes filled with love, and shared goals and values. There are reasons that these marriages work: open communication, love, understanding and acceptance, chemistry, a sense of “we” and partnership, and clear understanding of expectations for everything that is important to a person. The differences that were present didn’t matter to them because when the day is over, they are winding down with each other, their relationships are great, easy, fun & their values, beliefs and customs enmeshed on its own.

And, above all else, there was courage, desire and a want to make it work because they saw that this person was one of their answers to finding happiness.

Thoughts? Opinions? I know you have some. Post on the blog or email me at desigirlhouston@gmail.com.

Stay tuned for more of my dating woes and the lastest fashions for 2010!!

Love Aaj Kal - Is Love Really this Complicated?

2009-08-07T13:55:00.000-07:00

That’s not quite the question that the film asks but that’s how I felt leaving the movie theatre. A spur of the moment plan (yup…I’m a dare devil...watching a Bollywood movie on a Tuesday night) made with a girlfriend started off with me getting lost on Highway 6 and ended up with me crying at the theatre. But, her cousins walked out laughing and exclaiming how cute the movie was. They are young, attractive, recently graduated from university and the eternal optimists when it comes to love. My girlfriend and I are desperately trying to hold on to the belief that a prince charming will sweep us off our feet and onto a beautiful white stallion…or a red mustang ;-)

Love Aaj Kal (LAK) starred Saif Ali Khan, Deepika Padukone and Rishi Kapoor. It really was a cute love story. It showed how the power of love transcends generations. It portrayed that love always will be, continues to be and still is a powerful emotion that binds two people beyond logic and rationale. It can make a sane person insane and a irrational person completely rational. Times and relationship dynamics have changed, but the need for the emotional and bond is still quite alive. Actually, I feel more needed today than ever before.

The story follows two couples – Jai and Meera in modern day London and Veer and Harleen in Dilli of the 60s. I’m not going to talk much about the story lines because I would recommend the film for you to watch, but LAK did raise some interesting questions and thoughts in my mind.

In today’s age of facebook, booty calls, match.com, shaadi.com, youtube and the need to meet immediate gratification, is romance dead? Have we forgotten how to tell those close to us that we love them – how much they mean to us? Did we ever know how to do this? Do we always keep the very thoughts that want to come exploding out of our hearts, our minds and our souls a secret not only from ourselves, but from those the most dearest to us? If so, why? Have expectations become harmful to a relationship? Can you imagine what would happen if we just opened our mouths and uttered the simplest of words with love and honesty…I’m sorry! I love you! I miss you! I need you! I want it to be you! Rescue me and I’ll rescue you!

And, how is that in our parents generation despite the challenges, despite the personality differences, despite the BS, they were able to stay together and build a home and family? With all the conveniences of modern day society, how is that we are not able to do the same? How is that personality conflicts and personal desires become so significant to create a distance that the Grand Canyon would seem a speck of dust?

How is that we made love so very complicated?

I have no answers to any of these questions. I suppose for now, It just is what it is. I’ll keep holding on to the belief that someone who loves me will whisk me away. And, after watching LAK, I realized that I do want the old school love story…simple, caring, innocent, lasting. The modern day romance seems full of drama and difficulties.

I cried near the end of the film because it hit so close to home. Watching her move furniture around by herself, wipe the makeup off her face at the end of the day and try to maintain the belief that her love will come back to her when he realizes that their love is real and strong released the tears. Whether it was my marriage or the new guy, my feelings were genuine. I wanted to care for them like no other.

I have gotten several emails, calls and talks about the entry about converting for love. The responses have been quite interesting, ranging from support to being in awe for the honesty to what the hell were you thinking to the guy’s a jerk, and if he loves you then he will accept you as you are. Concerns about being on a rebound, am I not concerned about what people would say, this is not the right guy, that I’m dating too soon, that I got played and that I lost my mind.

So let’s clarify a few things. I wasn’t dating him I enjoyed his company and was interested in getting to know him better. Where that was going to go, I don’t know. I’ve been having an internal debate about when is the right time to date after a separation/divorce. I think it’s different with each person, but in my situation, it is right now. Unfortunately, our marriage had been over for years. We lived together, went out together, but we were miles apart. It was a very lonely marriage. I’ve done all the grieving, crying and sadness that I can do and need to do so that I can move on. I’m ready. I’m still not saying commitment or relationship. Rather, I’m saying that I’m ready to meet people, go out, have fun and enjoy. While I’m enjoying we’ll see what happens. I’m ready to find somebody who enjoys my company as much as I enjoy his. To be with someone who wants to live and love life as I do. To teach me and help me grow.

He wasn’t a rebound. A rebound is someone I would have used to mend my “broken heart”. And, I had done that the day I told that ex that it’s time to separate and move on. The minute I uttered those words, my heart felt relieved…literally like a massive boulder had been left from my chest; all the pain had gone. After having been with my ex for six years, its natural to think of him, but I don’t think of him daily, I have no ill feelings towards him or our relationship and I’ve grown since we separated. My feelings for the new man were genuine and no, he is not a jerk. But because I care for him, I am choosing to respect his feelings of wanting to be with someone of the same faith.

Yes, sometimes I do think that he played me, used me, had his fun and moved on. When I get stuck in those thoughts, I remind myself of how he treated me kindly. Besides, thinking of him in this way isn’t going to make things any easier for me. My heart just can not believe that he is a jerk or a player. I believe it was the situation, not him or me. And, if he did turn out to be a player…well, that doesn’t say much about my judge of character, now does it? I do wish he would have called me once just to see how I’m doing. Oh well. There is no point thinking of that now.

And, yes I do agree that in a healthy relationship there is love, acceptance, understanding and respect of my differences and strengths. But, when making the choice to marry and start a family, some logic is important. Understanding and agreeing what faith will be practiced in the home, language, expectations for clothing and food, what will the children be named…these are important details to discuss prior to marriage. Once those initial expectations are laid out, then we can allow the trust, respect, and love build on the marriage.

I think desi weddings are beautiful and fun, but we often get so wrapped up with the four days of parties and the details of the color scheme, the perfect entrance walk and the perfect wedding jora, that we forget to focus on the marriage. I’ve learnt that discussing day-to-day expectations with family, career, money and spending quality time is so much more important then having discussions of centerpieces.

I have learnt a lot about myself, relationships and compromise through my marriage, divorce and other life experiences. I still believe that for me as long as my world view, what I want for my future and for my children and general philosophies match, I would convert. Whether my children are named, Sukhdeep, James or Imran, I will still love them. Whether I’m wearing a salwaar kameez or jeans, I will still respect him and his parents as best as I can. Whether I’m saying it in Punjabi, Hindi, Urdu or French, my love for my partner will be strong and pure. And, whatever name I use in my prayers, I will still have faith in the One Supreme God to guide me between right and wrong. Why? Because I believe love, respect, trust, understanding, honesty and sense of humor are the pillars of a strong relationship.

It’s like Noah said from the Notebook: “It’s going to be really hard; we’re gonna have to work at this everyday, but I want to do that because I want you. I want all of you, forever, everyday.”

A very wise, wise, friend said “someone may not show their love in the way you expect, nonetheless, it doesn't mean that their love for you is not unconditional or true.” That is what relationships are all about. Love is selfless, with no ego, true and simple. Marriage is complex, full of adjustment and compromise. But, a marriage with love and respect will remain strong and lasting.

So, I will enjoy what I have in my life today and wait for someone who can offer me what I’m looking for; who will make a place for me in their heart. Until then, its dinner, movies, dancing, Masti and virgin Pina Colada’s with some amazing ladies!!!

Tell me what your thoughts are about LAK. Comment here or email me at desigirlhouston@gmail.com

The New Sari

2009-08-03T13:49:00.000-07:00

There have been quite a few posts, emails and calls about my last entry. I will respond to what everyone has said…I’m just mulling over all that has been said and that I’ve experienced in the last few days. I will post a response soon! And, your thoughts, opinions and well wishes are truly important to me! Thanks. In the meantime, I hope you enjoy this!!!

Just like all Desi fashionistas, I love the look of the sari. It is a classic, timeless style statement. Whether it is yesteryears beauty Sharmila Tagore or Naagin Sri Devi or a beauty queen like Sushmita Sen, the sari complements all time periods, generations and style statements. You can wear a sari from your mom’s closet or a designer piece like SatyaPal - it is always feminine, timeless, elegant, traditional, innocent, classic and shexxy!

Unfortunately, I hate wearing saris. I love how they look on; a sari can hug the right curves, hide the wrong curves and with the perfect pleats and pallu add innocence and sensuality to a woman’s Tashaan. But, I hate wearing them.

(a) I don’t know how to tie a sari (I will admit that on one occasion I even you-tubed and googled the steps to tie a sari…it took me 2 hours!!! But the hostess dragged me to the bathroom because she needed help tying her sari and she wanted her pleats to resemble mine!!)

(b) I don’t know how to walk in sari – all that fabric inbetween my legs swooshing about…aaarrrggghhh!! I feel like I’m going to trip. The kick-step-kick-step is too much while trying to walk in stilettos in a sari holding a plate of samosas and trying to follow a conversation.

(c) I don’t know how to hold anything while trying to carry my pallu. No camera, no purse, no food, no drink. I can't imagine having a little one to take care of.

(d) I don’t know how to dance in a sari. Bhangra is not meant to be with the pleats flying about and the pallu all over the place. And, I have that fear of tripping in a sari (A Bollywood rain dance can only be done in a sari though).

(e) I don’t know how to pee in a sari!! Enough said.

This is why I only wear a salwaar kameez, chooridaar, or a lengha. They are so simple and less complicated. I know how to wear them, how to walk, can hold anything, can dance, can pee and feel fully clothed!

So, needless to say I was in a panic for my sister’s wedding. I didn’t want a sari and I knew the lengha that I wanted would come with a pricetag (I’ve been told I have expensive taste…I think it's because I recognize quality and Tashaan). So I ventured to Poshak in Houston, where Designer/Owner Sameera made the perfect lengha for me – simple, beautiful and a complete expression of my Tashaan! (The amazing part was she created the design for my blouse in less than five minutes after listening to what I wanted and needed! It was perfect!)

But, if I had known about this new sari/lengha combination I would have jumped on it!! And if you knew about it, shame on you for not sharing the secret!!! The lengha-sari is the perfect fusion of the sari and lengha in one outfit.

The lengha-sari is a sari without the pleats - it looks like a lengha with a pallu. Rather than the pleats at the front, the lengha sari is adorned with a variety of embellishments, patterns, paneling and colours. The pallu is draped just as you would a traditional sari. It’s ideal for me!! It has the ease of a lengha, with the timeless beauty of a sari. Here are some of my favorites online. (Somebody have a party so I can order one!!!!)

What do you think of the new lengha-sari? Would you wear one? Where? Post your thoughts (or pictures of you in your favorite a sari, lengha or sari-lengha) at desigirlhouston@gmail.com

Would You Convert for Love?

2009-07-27T13:39:00.000-07:00

“A religious man is a person who holds God and man in one thought at one time, at all times, who suffers harm done to others, whose greatest passion is compassion, whose greatest strength is love and defiance of despair.” ~Unknown

I've been thinking about this question for quite some time. Yes, you are all assuming right. I'm interested in guy who is a different religion. While the whole thing is simple yet complicated, I couldn't help but ask myself, if I feel in love again, would I be willing to convert to be with him? And, no, I'm not in love with him. Attracted and enjoy his company better describes how I feel right now.

A simple Google search – you should know by now that I Google everything - on this question compiled a large number of websites and forums. Of all the sites I clicked on, the answer was “No, I would not convert for love.”

The reasons varied. One writer stated that asking to convert would be “a violation” of the basic principles of relationships: understanding and respect for each other. Another spoke about how it would hurt her family to marry outside of the faith, even though she admitted that neither her nor family were religious. Another woman said “if you are truely in love, then why should that person have to change anything at all.” And, a man wrote “i consider my religion to be a huge part of my identity, and I would never be able to give that up for someone.” One entry believed that it was a selfish request to ask another to convert?

Having dated, married, divorced and now dating again, I can honestly say that there is a possibility that I would convert for the right set of beliefs and the right man. There are some that would say that I am not a true believer if I am willing to leave Sikhism. To them, I would say, try carrying my heart around for a day.

For a relationship to survive, it requires the right ingredients; the perfect mix of chemistry, personality, sense of humor, attraction (physical, emotional, mental), beliefs and values, goals, family approval, religion, career/money, compatibility, respect, understanding and acceptance. Do you have any idea how difficult that is to find in a man?

It is not my lack of faith that tells me its okay to convert but because of my strong faith and belief in God that I think its okay to convert. Religion is a relationship between you and God, something that guides you, teaches you how to love God and people, helps you build morals and beliefs, differentiate between right and wrong. I believe that as long as you have the love and respect for God, as long as your world view and path are similar, what difference does it make what you call Him and in what religion’s name? (Now, I do agree with the Google entries that one should not convert only for their partner, but should do so out of respect and belief in the religion.)

Sikhism has taught me a lot and made me the person that I am today. For example, Sikhism has taught me that there is only one God, devotion, avoid the five vices (I'm able to avoid 4 of the 5) and embrace the eight virtues, about justice and equality, charity and donation, and daily devotion. To enjoy all that God has given to us – the ability to use reason, our loved ones, our homes and being able to jump in a puddle right after it rains (yup…did that over lunch today! It was so much fun…I encourage all of you to go out and jump in a puddle, make a big splash! Don’t worry…it’s only water and it will dry.)

One of my earliest conversations with my Dad was about the concept of one God. That each of us take different paths and call Him by a different name – Jesus, Ram, Allah - but each path, with its principles and belief, and each name ultimately takes us to God. The scriptures teach us “Blind or poor, He is support.” Isn’t this what all religions teach us? So, why the separation?

My life experiences and my divorce have taught me a lot. They have pushed me away from my faith and then back towards my faith. They have taught me how important love, respect and acceptance are in a relationship. My ex (oOoOoOo…first time using that phrase) and I were the same religions, spoke the same language, shared the same background, but it wasn’t enough to save the marriage. We had different worldviews, goals in life, expectations of the relationship and personalities. I was going left and he was going right. No amount of faith in God was going to save our marriage because we had lost the faith in each other and in the “us.” After feeling unloved and unappreciated for what feels like an eternity, for me love is very important in a relationship. Love is what binds the two people together.

Yet, I know couples of different races and religion who have faced, and continue to face, hurdles in their marriage and as they raise their children. Because of the love and respect they have for one another they are surviving. Actually, looking at them, I believe they are living, enjoying each day with one another and in love; I was the one trying to survive in my marriage.

When I think of converting one’s religion for love, I always think of my sweet, beautiful friend and her wonderful husband, let’s call them Saheli and Derek. After dating for quite some time, they decided to get married. Derek was honest that he wanted his children to share his faith. Saheli saw in him the husband that she wanted and the devoted father that she knew he would be and agreed. Now, she faced her challenges and lectures from both family and friends but she is happily married with two beautiful, intelligent little children. She has her daily struggles in being a wife and a mother, but her faith is strong. Derek and Saheli survived this hurdle because of their love, respect and acceptance of one another. She is still the same wonderful person I knew, only happier - living her life in love with her husband, her children and faith. Isn’t this what religion teaches us? What God wants for each of us?

I recognize – trust me I really, truly do recognize – that relationships are complicated regardless of religion. Making the decision to convert one’s religion is not something to be taken lightly. I believe it is absolutely vital that you have faith in God, but also see the value of your significant other’s religion and its basic tenets. Just as important is your faith in your potential partner. I don’t think converting just so I can have a boyfriend or husband is right. I’m looking for the right combination of love for my man and in his religion to make the plunge.

And, for the right man, I am willing to go pretty far for love.

Perhaps, I’m naïve or being overly romantic. But, at the end of the day, I just want to be with that one person that loves me, regardless of religion and race. I am a good, honest, imperfect person looking for love. Real, unconditional, insane, goofy love which is difficult to find and if I find it I don’t want anything to stand between us. And, I would assume if I have strong feelings for him than it is because of some common world view. So how can I not embrace his religion, isn’t it what made him who he is today? Is it not what made me fall in love with him?

(For the curious at heart...the man that I'm interested in, well...he's a wonderful man who wants to be with someone of the same religion. I hope he finds who he is looking for! Now, if he changes his mind about me...and if he doesn't, then....)

Your turn: would you convert for love? Comment here or email me at desigirlhouston@gmail.com.

Spend less, save more and still go shopping??

2009-07-22T09:58:00.000-07:00

Most of you know that I like shopping...okay i live for shopping. For me shopping is more than just about buying things. It's a great way to relax, hang out, build relationships and support my girls. And, we get pretty things out of it as well :)

But, like so many others, with the state of the current economy and my divorce looming over my heads, I too am trying to find ways to spend less and save more. Now unfortunately, I can not lock myself in my apartment and never socialize again, so I created a budget and follow some simple tricks to spend less.

I've discovered a few things: I need to make more money, I hate budgeting and my tricks work...if I stick to them.

I found some easy, simple ways to pay off my credit cards and save a little money each month...Hey...I'm on my way to saving more. I strongly recommend Suze Orman's latest book entitled Suze Orman's 2009 Action Plan - Keeping Your Money Safe and Sound. It's a very easy read filled with amazing, ready-to-use tips from everything from credit cards to college funds to mortgages to shopping (yes, ladies...a whole chapter on shopping...a.k.a. spending).

I also found simple ways to save a little money with everyday things, like groceries and cell phone bills. Below are some great websites from Real Simple magazine that talks about these money saving tips. I hope you enjoy them and find them as helpful as I did.

http://www.realsimple.com/work-life/money/saving/how-to-save-on-00000000016999/index.html

http://www.realsimple.com/work-life/money/spending/money-missteps-that-matter-00000000006213/?xid=weeklynews

And, here's a link for an interesting article from Time.com about where I money is going during the recession. Some of these surprised me (i.e. soup purchases are down and organic food purchases are up) while others did not (i.e. movie ticket sales are up, as is contraceptive sales).

http://www.time.com/time/specials/packages/article/0,28804,1911974_1911972,00.html

What are you doing to save a little money? Share your thoughts by posting here or email me at desigirlhouston@gmail.com.

The Hardest Things to Say

2009-07-20T15:44:00.000-07:00

At home, sick in bed...damn strep throat...my delirious mind wandered. I remembered a MySpace account that I had started months ago. Below is an entry from that account (I've changed the wording a little, but the message is still the same...only speak from your heart). I stopped maintaining that account because I started this blog, but I think this entry is still relevant!

The three most difficult things to say are:

I love you!

I'm sorry!

I need your help.

Such easy and simple words that can be uttered in a moment. But, they are truely the hardest to say because they must be said from the heart and show your vulnerability. Uttering these words in a moment's notice, one fails to recognize their importance and then betray their meanings.

If you say "I'm sorry" and then follow it by not learning from your mistake or changing your ways, are you really sorry for the pain that has been caused? Or, are you just sorry for the present level of discomfort that you now feel? For getting caught for being selfish or doing something wrong? By saying "I'm sorry" simply because its the right thing to do, it is meaningless! Sometimes not apologizing takes as much courage as apologizing - defending your beliefs, your values, your actions is important too. A true apology is filled with empathy, consoling, and a desire to do/be better in the future.

If you say "I love you!" but then you ask for constant change, criticize, belittle, ashame, ignore and yell. Or, you are with that person because you think it's the right thing, for children, for parents, for society. That is not love. That is you being unfair to two people - yourself and the other person. Love is unapologetic, forgiving, accepting, calm, warm, comforting. Love is what brings the best out of you! If when you say "I love you!" doesn't make you smile or make the other person smile, it is not true love. And you both deserve better. Let them go so that both of you can find your true love.

If you say "I need help", it shows your courage to persevere! It shows you are a strong person who recognizes her weaknesses and despite them you want to overcome your challenges. And, when you make this request and it is followed by finger pointing, feelings of shame or regret, then realize that it is not you. But, rather it is the other person. They are not worthy of your honesty or friendship and they do not see you for the real person that you are.

Over the years, "I love you," "I'm sorry," and "I need help" have become some of the simplest phrases in my relationships. Whether they are whispered or shouted from the rooftop, whey speaking from the heart, there is honesty, love and trust in all of them! And, I hope when they are said to me, they are only said from the heart. Coming from any other place is only devaluing the relationship.

If they can not be said from the heart, then I wish they not be said to me at all!

Tashaan is Back!!!!!

2009-07-14T20:37:00.000-07:00

But, I do have a good reason for my absence.

I'm well aware that it has been quite some time since my last entry. Almost three months!! And, now I'm back...and more to say than ever before!! About shopping, fashion trends, boys, some men, Tashaan, dating, girlfriends, the books that I've been reading and how incredibly difficult it has been to maintain my Tashaan.

Before I start writing about the fun stuff, a quick update on what's been happening in my life...and its a doozy! The last few months have been tough but with God's grace, the love of friends and family, and knowing that I am deserving of true love and happiness I have made it through.

Sadly, I am getting divorced. I won't go into details here out of respect of him and his family, but unfortunately we didn't love each other enough to make the marriage work or to truly address all of the issues. We tried for six years but there is not enough time in the world to make us fall in love or want to make the marriage work. And, while it is sad that we lost each other (for I still believe he is an incredible man who will make some woman very happy), I truly believe that I am in a happier place today then I ever was when I was married. And, I know with all my heart and soul that I will find a happy fairy tale ending with my special someone as well.

Divorce, especially in the Desi community, is not something to be taken lightly. For anyone contemplating separation or divorce, try to make your marriage work. No partner is ever perfect and no marriage is ever perfect. Everyone will face daily squabbles, disagreements or arguments. But, as long as there is mutual love, respect and the desire to want to be with your partner, your marriage is worth fighting for. (If you are in an abusive relationship, then there are no explanations, excuses or reasons for staying. You deserve better...get out now! My public service announcement for the day!!!)

Marriage is a step that many take when they are not emotionally, socially or financially ready, but do because of Desi societal and familial pressures, many take the plunge. Some figure out how to swim, others are just trying to stay afloat, and some like me drown! Divorce is something that two very mature minds have to discuss and make the decision together.

So, once the decision was made I felt so light. Like I had no care in the world. Because, as in the words of Carrie Bradshaw, "I'm looking for love. Real love. Ridiculous, inconvenient, consuming, can't-live-without-each-other love." Its been difficult to keep my Tashaan. My friend, Raj, was right; a divorce only shows how your a bad person and made a relationship fail. I felt like Alice from Alice in Wonderland falling down the Rabbit hole. It was dark, there was no ending, completely out of control and out of touch with reality, nothing for me to grab onto and I had no idea what I was going to land into.

Fortunately, I had some amazing friends to catch me along the way and cushion my fall. It was easy to loose faith in myself, in God and in hope of finding love. Thanks to each of them, I was able to hold my head up high and follow my Tashaan to where I am today. While falling down the rabbit hole, I lost my confidence, and with the support of my friends and family and God's support, I was able to find and build a new sense of confidence, attitude and redefined style. I know what I want, I know what I deserve...i just gotta figure out how to get there now!

I want the happy Cinderella ending. A home, filled with love shared with my husband and a beautiful little child and a beautiful shoe closet. I want to be loved and respected for who I am and what I bring to someone's life. I want to love someone every day and every night. I want to be recognized as a woman who can be rational, emotional and sexual all at the same time. And, I want to be seen as a good, honest person, who has perfected a balance between a liberal worldview and Conservative family values. At the end of the day, I want to be happy with the one man that I love.

So stay tuned for this Tashaan girl's new adventures, thoughts and perspectives on life, Tashaan, fashion n style and dating. It should be interesting, hopefully with not too many broken hearts or poor fashion tastes!

Share your thoughts or email me at desigirlhouston@gmail.com.

Women Are Like Wine

2009-04-26T07:11:00.000-07:00

Well, it's finally happened. I'm the big 3-0. One day I was 29 and the next morning I was 30. I'm not sure what I was expecting when I woke up that morning, but there were no real firework or ephiphanies. I followed my normal routine - shower, get ready, breakfast, work - and met with girlfriends for drinks, dinner and Chocolate Bar (I just need an excuse for the Candylicious Junkyard cheesecake).

As I was going through my day, thanking everyone for their birthday wishes and waiting for the new body aches and pains to begin, I started reflecting my past decades and on the new decade that I had just entered. I've learnt alot about life and people and yet I feel so unknowledgable. Here's what I have learned:

I have learned to be comfortable and proud of who I am - body, mind and soul!

I have learned that beauty and Tashaan are not in the designer labels, but in our hearts, our good deeds, humbleness, and smile. Do something nice for someone everyday.

I have learned that doing the right thing, means doing the right thing by my standards. And, sometimes doing the right thing really sucks.

I have learned the importance of never settling, being drama free, to expect nothing from nobody, and demand respect from everybody.

I have learned to always be honest, even when being honest means saying something unkind. Avoid the games.

I have learned that trust and respect is one of the most significant aspects of any relationship - love, business, family, friendship. Without these, there is no relationship.

I have learned that I am worthy of all signficant relationships and that not all relationships need a title. And, if a relationship doesn't work, it's not because I'm a bad person or not good enough or missing something but because there is someone and something better waiting for me around the corner.

I have learned that having a plan b is not beign pessimistic, it's being logical and prepared. Keep a first aid kit in your car and know CPR.

I have learned all people are kind and good. Its the situations that suck and bring out the ugly.

I have learned how to compromise without loosing myself.

I have learned there is no shame in enjoying Bollywood movies and hoping things have a happy dance sequence ending. But, it's also important to be realistic.

I have learned that being with someone doesn't mean always needing to go out, it means enjoying each others company even with a flat tire in the middle of nowhere.

I have learned that I don't have to be perfect to be loved. I'm good as I am - quarky, outgoing yet shy, dorky and can never keep my white pants white for more than an hour.

I have learned that I will never be perfect and will always be on a path to better myself as a human.

I have learned that I am capable of independence.

I have learned that I am never alone, even in my darkest of hours. I will always have the love of my parents, brothers, sisters, friends and God.

I have learned to always take the time to jump in the puddle after it rains.

I have learned fresh flowers make you smile and appreciate the little things in life.

I have learned to be thankful for all that I have.

I have learned the best thing is a cup of tea with a great person listening to rain or awesome music.

I have learned that just because two people love each other, does not mean they should be together.

I have learned that peoples' needs change, people grow and it is okay to "outgrow" a relationship, if growing with the relationship isn't possible.

I have learned to only do that which lets me see myself in the mirror and look people in their eyes.

I have learned that loving someone is to accept who they are, imperfections and all.

I have learned that people will hurt, even those you love. It's more important to remember their true intentions are filled with love, not hate. And, to forgive.

I have learned to always smile and laugh - its contagious and makes others feel relaxed and comfortable. Most importanly, to not take myself so seriously and to laugh at myself.

I have learned to never use people, just be honest about your expectations of the relationship, no matter how minimal it may be.

I have learned that to love with all your heart and to never stop dreaming.

I have learned that love does come when you least expect it, usually wrapped up in the complete opposite of your dreams and fantasies, followed by some klutziness, bumbling, rambling.

I have learned to work on relationships as hard as when in school and building a career.

I have learned that when I'm older and grayer, its not the looks that will matter, but if He can make me laugh and I feel respected.

I have learned that I'll be okay and I will survive.

And, I have learned that I still have a lot to learn about myself and others, and to be open to the new lessons and new relationships of this next decade.

Below is what a friend of mine sent me (not sure if he wrote it or found it online). And, it reminded me that women are like fine wine, we're better with age.

As I grow in age, I value women who are over 30 most of all. Here are just a few reasons why:

A woman over 30 will never wake you in the middle of the night to ask,“What are you thinking?” She doesn’t care what you think. If a woman over 30 doesn’t want to watch the game, she doesn’t sit around whining about it. She does something she wants to do. And, it’s usually something more interesting.

A woman over 30 knows herself well enough to be assured in who she is, what she is, what she wants and from whom. Few women past the age of 30 give a damn what you might think about her or what she’s doing.

Women over 30 are dignified. They seldom have a screaming match with you at the opera or in the middle of an expensive restaurant. Of course, if you deserve it, they won’t hesitate to shoot you, if they think they can get away with it.

Older women are generous with praise, often undeserved. They know what it’s like to be unappreciated.

A woman over 30 has the self-assurance to introduce you to her women friends. A younger woman with a man will often ignore even her best friend because she doesn’t trust the guy with other women. Women over 30 couldn’t care less if you’re attracted to her friends because she knows her friends won’t betray her.

Women get psychic as they age. You never have to confess your sins to a woman over 30. They always know.

A woman over 30 looks good wearing bright red lipstick. This is not true of younger women. Once you get past a wrinkle or two, a woman over 30 is far sexier than her younger counterpart.

Older women are forthright and honest. They’ll tell you right off if you are a jerk if you are acting like one! You don’t ever have to wonder where you stand with her.

Yes, we praise women over 30 for a multitude of reasons. Unfortunately, it’s not reciprocal. For every stunning, smart, well-coiffed hot woman of 30+, there is a bald, paunchy relic in yellow pants making a fool of himself with some 22-year-old waitress.

Share your thoughts about women in their 30s here or email me at desigirlhouston@gmail.com

How to Make Shopping Fun: Know What Your Body Needs

2009-04-24T13:10:00.000-07:00

When shopping and admiring the curves and varities of women's bodies, it is easiest for me to group women in four body type categories: the triangle, the circle, the hourglass and the rectangle. I am by no means a body type expert. And, quite frankly, there are many different models of categorizing the female body. A simple Google search on "body type" identifed at least 5 additional body types that I have never considered (what the heck is an "oval body type?")

I encourage all Tashaan ladies to use my posts as a guideline. The best way to know your body type is to admire yourself and all of your extraordinary curves in a mirror, either in your birthday suit or in your favorite outfit to identify which one of the body types you are closest to. And, learn to love what you see. Remember, its not the clothes or your bootyliciousness that makes you, its your heart and soul. Your clothes are only an extension of what's already so beautiful.

In sticking with the fruit references, let's move from the bootylicious pear, to the "ample apple," a.k.a. the cirlce. You are an apple, if you have full breasts, slim arms and slim hips. And, when you gain 3 pounds, it all goes to the midsection - your tummy. If you have an apple body, it's important to remember that you are trying to de-emphasize your tummy, make your hips look wider and your shoulders look slimmer.

You want:
- low rise slim cut pants that will make your legs look long and lean. Pair this with a long tunic.
- the shift dress is structured and camouflages the tummy.
- a tunic glides over the tummy. Find one that has pleating and sits lower than your natural waist line.
- an empire waist top that sits at the narrowest part of the rib cage also creates a slimming effect. However, be careful because sometimes the empire waist top can create the illusion that your pregnant. (I've been asked if I was pregnant. Naturally, I donated that shirt the same day.)
- choose dark colours for tops and pair them with bold accessories OR tops that are light/pastel OR dress in monochromatic colours.
- pencil skirt
- large belt slung low on the hip
- accesorize your neckline. It will keep the eyes away from your trouble spot.
- sari: wear the sari lower on your waist and choose materials other than chiffon. You don't want to show your tummy hanging.
- churidaar: apply the same rules as dresses. Nothing too tight, stuctured and be careful of the anarkali style because it can create the pregnant look.
- look for subtle details in the clothing: cinching, rouching or wrap style. They add texture and drama to the outfit and camouflage very well.

To avoid:
- anything that draws attention to your tummy, such as high waisted pants or skirts, skinny belts or cinched tops.
- shrugs or boleros with skin tight fitting tank tops.
- below the knee skirts: rather than accentuating your assets, your hiding them and placing focus on your trouble areas.
- fitted or tailored clothes (clothing must fit properly, but it must note be skin tight).

How to Make Shopping Fun: Know What Your Body Needs

2009-04-22T14:36:00.000-07:00

Last night, after a few sangrias, girl talk and girl giggles, my girlfriend said nonchalently, how hard it was to shop. I looked at her in a daze and nervously asked her what it was that was difficult. Maybe she was referring to the traffic, long lines, waiting rooms, rude sales associates – I hate that!! No. She was not. “I never know what to buy.”

What? She has a killer figure, gorgeous skin complexion, beautiful eyes and awesome hair…she’s one of those girls that can pull off anything that she tries on! Me on the other hand, with my triangle/hourglass figure, I can only wear certain styles and not all colours flatter my skin tone. I often feel like I have the same outfit in different styles!

So, below is a quick guide for how to shop for the right clothes for your body shape!

There are four body shapes that women fall into.

The triangle: Your shoulders and torse are narrower than the hips.
The circle: You tend to gain weight around your middle.
The hourglass: I don’t think this needs any more of a description.
The rectangle: There is no waist definition and often called a boyish figure.

I’ll write about each of these over the next few days.

The Triangle, a.k.a. the pear

You have a long neck, small bust size, a defined waist and a killer booty! You may hear that you have “back” or “good child bearing hips”. Trust me, men and women are checking out your booty.

You want:
- Attention to your upper half
- Details that bring the eyes to the face, bust, neck and waist
- Tops: jewels, bright colours, play with necklines, puffy sleeves, prints, textured fabrics, wide straps, halter tops.
- Skirts: a-line
- Pants: flared or wide leg pants and jeans.
- Choose dark colours for bottoms.
- Dresses: empire waist or a wrap dress which will emphasize the slimmest part of your body.
- Shoes: stilettos: thin heels make your legs look longer and leaner.
- Sari: have the focus placed upon the pallu or the blouse. You don't want to have big polka dots on your behind.
- churidaar: avoid short tops. The tight churidaar places emphasize on your thunder thighs.

To avoid:
- body hugging skirts, bias cut skirts or dresses
- skinny jeans, pockets
- patterns and colours for the bottom
- high waisted pants or skirts
- jackets that sit on the widest part of your hips.

Are you pear shaped? How do you dress your body? Comment here or email me at desigirlhouston@gmail.com

First Lady Michelle Obama: Fashion Do or Fashion Don't?

2009-04-22T13:18:00.000-07:00

Earlier this month, First Lady Michelle Obama was criticized by Oscar de la Renta for her choice in clothing when she met with the Queen, stating that “You don’t…go to Buckingham Palace in a sweater.” In fact, President Obama was slammed for his choice of gift for the Queen – an iPod loaded with pictures of her 2007 visit to the US. And, Michelle was criticized for hugging and placing her hand on her back...seriously people? Since when did hugging, sharing a warm touch or showing friendly concern become a criticism, annoyance or area of concern?

Style – be it the First Lady, kindergarten teacher, stay-at-home mom/dad (yes, I admire stay-at-home dads as well) or the mailman - is about reflecting who you are as a person. I believe it’s about wearing that one special outfit and shoes that makes you feel beautiful, approachable, confident, warm, personable and real the minute it touches your skin. And, for this you don’t need designer/exclusive clothes. And, having style does not mean that you have to stop being who you are and what you do - change diapers, run board meetings, get the oil changed or have a martini.

What I greatly appreciate about the First Lady’s style and fashion choices is that they are “real.” She chooses outfits and reflects Tashaan that the average American working woman can afford and wear on a daily basis as she runs around Houston picking up the dry cleaning, getting gas, dropping the kids to school, buying groceries, making dinner and putting the kids to bed. She attempts to show that despite being married to one of the most powerful and popular men of the present time, she is still real, honest and approachable. I also believe her sense of style is glamorous and classic.

The Tashaan of the current White House is laid back, playful, yet business and respectful. Her choices in clothes and accessories and his choices in gifts truely do reflect what they represent - a hope for change and progress.

Michelle Obama has been sported wearing the designs of fashion underdogs, J. Crew and White House Black Market. Designers and representatives have stated that celebrity interest increases when the First Lady is seen in their piece. Company representatives have repeatedly stated that any item of clothing worn by the First Lady becomes a best selling item, further substantiating the First Lady’s ability to identify with the fashion needs for the average Seema in the United States.

The First Lady’s tashaan reflects that she is NOT stuck up, stuffy, high maintenance, high class, or snotty. Isn’t that what we want in our First Lady? Since when did being unapproachable and cold become traits admired in women, let alone women in power. And, wasn’t Sarah Palin criticized for her $180,000 wardrobe purchase during the campaign weeks. At the time, it was brought forward that her fashion budget for one month was equivalent to the salary of a plumber ($37, 514). As an avid shopper of White House Black Market, I personally guarantee that you will not spend your entire paycheque for one outfit…maybe a quarter of it.

I’ve said this before, I’ll say it again and I’ll stick by it: our clothes and style, not just that of the First Lady, reflect who we are and how others perceive us – it only takes 5 seconds for a person to develop an opinion of us. So we should wear that which makes us feel confident in who we are, wear that which represents who we are and wear that which allows us to do what we need to accomplish in any given day.

Just like Jackie Kennedy, Jennifer Aniston, Priyanka Chopra, Bipasha Basu and Priety Zinta, Michelle Obama is reinventing fashion. She is attempting to change the perception that many have of Americans as the “ugly American” while appearing relatable to American women.

Below are some of my favorite Michelle Obama outfits.

What are your thoughts about First Lady Michelle Obama's tashaan. Comment here or e-mail me at desigirlhouston@gmail.com

Are Desi Women Holding Desi Women Back?

2009-04-06T14:03:00.000-07:00

Recently, I met with a girlfriend and we shared my favorite SB's passion iced tea sweetened and gabed away! She is a great person to bounce ideas off of, tell me of my fashion faux-paux, and give me the latest Bollywood gossip...did you know that there is possibly an affair brewing with bad-boy Salman Khan and newbie Asin?

Well, amidst the Bollywood gossip, she told me about a new singer emerging...East meets West style. I was very excited...I love seeing young Asian women break the cultural gap. And, its always nice to see a familiar brown face in a sea of white. Isn't that one of the reasons why Desi's everywhere were excited about A.R. Rahman's Oscar wins this year?

Well, as I'm getting ready to support a fellow desi, my Gf began with her ranting and raving about Tina Sugandh Tabla Girl. Based upon one interview, it was decided that Tabla Girl is a ditz, horrible singer and should be ashamed of how she exposes her body, which incidentally she does so to hide her lack of talent. WOW!! Naturally, I had to youtube this and see for myself.

After watching a few of Tabla Girl's videos, I was ashamed of my girlfriend and her ugliness. Was there a reason to spew such a strong disliking for a young woman that she had never met? Why did she judge so quickly? Why hate a desi girl for being unconventional and following her dreams? Being a desi girl, was she a desi woman hater?

I read once somewhere at sometime in some point in life, that for a desi woman, other desi women are her worst enemy. Be it family, friends, acquaintances or total strangers, I have observed and personally experienced the wrath of the desi woman – its Kali at its truest form – the stare down, gossip, back-handed compliments, gossip, criticisms, gossip, the look-over, insults and did I mention the gossip.

Desi women don’t even lay a finger on one another and yet when their mouths open its like watching the Ramayan all over again. Those tongues come at you like the arrows of Ram and Lakhsman. Ladies beware!! I personally have been called a snob, high maintenance, fat and slutty. And, this is what some desi women were able to say to my face; I can only imagine what is being said behind my back. (For those that don't know me, I'm not a snob, drink Ozarka, size 6ish and have had sex with only one man my whole life!)

Now I’m freaking out. Am I a desi woman hater? I mean, didn’t I just judge a desi girl for her poor taste in shoes with an Anarkali suit?

Why do desi women hate other desi women? Why are desi women holding other desi women back? Why ridicule, shame or belittle when a desi woman attempts to overcome barriers? Better yet, why are women ugly towards other women? I could try to understand if the hate came from religion or caste or sexual orientation. And, while this is the case sometimes, most often the hate stems from our own insecurities and low self esteem. If you consider that hate that you either experienced or gave to someone else, the realization hits that it was due to jealously or wanting something which you do not have or believe you lack.

The hate also stems from our innate competitiveness. Humans, not just desi women, have an inner desire to win. What is it that we are competing for? A career, a man, compliments? I strongly believe that even if you “win” these things, you will not feel any happier than without these. And, at some point you will find yourself searching for something else to win. Friendly competition is healthy. It is what makes you succeed in life and achieve your goals. Competition based upon making others feel bad or ashamed is not healthy for anybody. Winning a prize – fairly or ugly - does not define who you are. Who you are is based upon your beliefs, your values, your kindness, your tashaan, your soul and your heart! Not your bank account, your car, your social circle – these are things that can be replaced with other things.

In the Art of Happiness, the Dalai Lama spoke about the American peoples “comparing mind.” It is essentially the concept of ‘keeping up with the Sharmas’ even if we can’t afford the big house, the two cars, laser hair removal and the swimming pool! He encouraged readers to rather than compare ourselves to what we DON’T have, the focus should be on what we DO have – a healthy family, food on the table, a job, a roof over our heads, a car to drive.

It is the same for desi women. Rather than placing the emphasis on competing and comparing with other desi women, we should be supporting one another and our accomplishments. Research has consistently demonstrated that women of color will always be discriminated against in the workforce, so why not support the desi woman who has overcome the glass ceiling? Will that not benefit all desi women, not just her?

In 2008, Forbes magazine released the "100 Most Powerful Women" list and included Congress president Sonia Gandhi, Uttar Pradesh Chief Minister Mayawati, PepsiCo chief executive Indra K. Nooyi and Biocon founder Kiran Mazumdar-Shaw. And, let's not forget the first desi woman astronaut Kalpana Chawala. In fact, the list of desi women who have achieved the "first" title covers women in all domains - business, fashion, art, science and sports. I would assume that along their journey, they too heard the jeers and taunts from other desi women about their goals. Now we hold these women in a higher respect for the work that they have done, not only in their fields but also for opening doors for other desi women.

So to answer my earlier questions, why did my girlfriend have such a strong disliking for a young woman that she never met? Why did she judge so quickly without taking the time to listen to another interview or watch another performance? Is she a desi woman hater? I don’t know. But, she was reminded that she is an amazing woman who is not lacking anything and does not need to be compared to any desi girl because she is a one in a million gem to me.

So, I sent my girlfriend another video of Tabla Girl asking her to watch it with an open mind. This time not watching her outfit, but listening to her voice, the lyrics and the tabla. After watching the video for "Stay", she agreed that it takes true talent to sing and play tabla as is done in the video. And, that her clothes are inappropriate for a Desi role model. I guess it's hard to take all the hate out of a Desi girl.

Check out the video for yourself. Click on the link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e9PQVbTFf7E&feature=PlayList&p=66B21330E52E69FD&playnext=1&playnext_from=PL&index=7

Recipe for Ladies' Night!!

2009-03-15T20:55:00.000-07:00

Ladies’ nights have become akin to a group of fabulous ladies, wearing low cut blouses in 4” heels hitting the clubs, free cover and sharing cheap tequila shots on a Friday night! While that is one way to enjoy ladies night, I’ve been enjoying a different type – that didn’t include tequila shots, cleavage or a bar. Naturally, my 4” heels didn’t leave my feet for a second!

Ladies nights are not just promotional opportunities, but they have also become a part of pop culture and a huge social support group/network for women. In fact, a recent study from UCLA found that spending an evening with some amazing female friends is a great way to counteract the day-to-day stresses that we face and dealing with life altering experiences, like death, divorce or unemployment.

While we love the men and children in our lives…most of the time…the support, laughs and freedom that are experienced with our girlfriends is vital to our sanity.

I’ve had a blast with my girls on the traditional ladies’ nights, but it’s my Wednesday-night-hump-day-happy-hour that has saved me during troubling times and has become my favorite ladies nights!!! Lately, mojitos and cosmos have been excluded from the happy hour and have been replaced with food, conversation, understanding, laughs and sharing. We pick different restaurants, enjoy the yummy food, ambiance and conversations about shoes, fashion, work, men, sex, politics and how to save the world. And, by the end, we feel a little closer, better understood and ready to kick some ass!!

The following is my personal recipe for a “Sex in the City” worthy Ladies Night out!!

2 or more fabulous ladies
3 cups of trust
4 cups of humor
a pinch of disagreements (differing opinions are a good thing)
2 cups of honesty
2 cups of communication
a handful of yummy treats, such as sweet potatoe fries, chocolate cake or sushi
1 mojito
1 stick of your favorite ambiance or activity

Mix all the ingredients at a table. Allow each of the fabulous ladies to mix the ingredients and voila…your Ladies Night is complete!!!

My stick of favorite ambiance and activity vary. I’ve celebrated my ladies’ nights at book readings, movies and while painting some pottery. There is even a plan in place to have a ladies night while rock climbing. The trick is finding a place where is you can enjoy the music but still hear one another talk and activities that are new, different and fun.

Ladies nights are no longer about getting buzzed, but they are about creating deeper bonds with the women that understand you best. So, I encourage you sexy ladies to grab your BFFs and plan an extraordinary ladies night….without the cleavage and tequila, but with the 4”heels and fabulous ladies!

Shop Our Way Out of a Recession - a Shopoholic's Response

2009-02-28T08:45:00.000-08:00

The past few weeks we have heard much about bail-outs, stimulus packages, savings, foreclosures, debt levels and consumer spending. Given the current economic crisis, I agree that consumers and homeowners need to be responsible with our money, however, as fashionistas and shopoholics, I agree with economist John Maynard Kaynes that we must shop our way out of a recession.

Technically, it’s called a “paradox of thrift.” Here’s what it means…If fashionistas and shopoholics cut back on their shopping as an attempt to increase their savings, then the savings as a whole will fall because one person’s shopping is another’s income.

Make much sense? Let me explain it with a BCBG dress. If I buy a sexy dress for 200$, it will help the company keep its sales person, for an extra two days. She can then go and get her nails done at the nail salon. The salon owner can then keep and pay the manicurist, who can then go and feed her family a nutritious meal, and so on…If we all stop shopping at once, the money stops moving. No income equals no savings!

Economists argue that the last recession was in 2001. At that time, to lessen its effects, consumers were encouraged to shop! And we did!! Unfortunately, it led to many consumers spending their hard earned money on things they could not afford. American shoppers became cocky leading to careless spending and enormous debt.

Now, I’m not suggesting that fashionistas and shopoholics participate in this form of shopping habits again. Rather, I recommend guilt free shopping for a BCBG dress or 9 West shoes if you believe your job is secure, you have a minimum of three months of savings, you have a low interest credit card, a 401k, and are on the road to paying off your debt. If you have this, then do some guilt free shopping!! Not only do you owe it to yourself to get a new pair of gladiator stilettos, but you owe it to the world economy. It needs you to survive and overcome!

(If you do not have these, I strongly suggest a budget to get you on track and to participate in guilt free shopping on smaller items, items that will help you to save money, or that will build your investment portfolio.)

The current recession is not just an opportunity to take advantage of amazing prices and sales, but its an opportunity to see what designers create. Historically, recession and war have seen an innovative use of fabrics, colours and designs. And, at attractive prices. Remember, Chanel? Her fashion success story began in the 1930s with a designer hat store.

The 2009 fashion season has already seen trends that are being called “depression chic” by Vogue magazine – statement coat, trouser pants, classic First Lady dress, broad shoulders and fetish boots & shoes. The colours are bold and fierce with ladylike details and sexiness, to represent the emotions of the current economic times. Calvin Klein, Oscar de la Renta and Michael Kors are just examples of designers who are considering the recession when creating a philosophy for their collections.

So, put on your shopping shoes, call a girlfriend and do some (responsible) guilt free shopping to help your own and the neighbours savings grow and the global economy.

What are you doing differently during the current economic crisis? How has it changed your lives? I would love to hear your comments and feedback!

Spring Trends

2009-02-24T21:36:00.000-08:00

The past few weeks, I’ve been participating in some much needed retail therapy with my girlies. I found several therapists at the Galleria and at the Houston Premier Outlet mall. They have vowed to remain confidential, honest and supportive. Their names are Ralph Lauren, Armani, Aldo, BCBG, Bebe, Ann Taylor, Arden B, Santana and Banana Republic.

Of course, I couldn’t have made it without my girls. You (know who you are M & J) were there to wipe away the tears, share the giggles and enjoy the orgasmic shoe shopping. As much as I enjoyed my therapists, when I arrived home it was the time you spent with me that meant the most.

In addition to support from friends and learning from your mistakes, I’m a strong supporter of retail therapy, which I thoroughly enjoyed the past two weekends. While we were able to take advantage of the amazing sales and clearances to get some classic pieces for fall and winter, we grabbed a severa pieces that are perfect for the transition from winter to spring.

Walking through the malls, there were signs everywhere about clearance prices being slashed...70% off at BCBG, another 50% off at Arden B!! And, even more exciting were posters and mannekins displaying the new spring collections - short skirts, bikinis, tropical colours, patterns, tank tops, dresses, sandals!! While I love wearing my sweaters and boots in the fall, even more I love the colours and dresses of the spring/summer.

Trends this season reflected the ultra feminine. And, to keep it no-fuss the feminine trends were incorporated with menswear. Here are some of the trends that I noticed in my favorite shops. Some of these trends are simply an extension of what we saw in the fall/winter collections. So when taking advantage of the sales and clearances, try to pick up pieces that reflect some of these trends.

1. Butterfly motifs. Butterflies are typically seen as symbols of feminity, beauty and grace, but also of a new beginning or change. Desi coutoure has picked up on this trend as well. The butterfly sari blouse is sexy and chic. When looking for ways to wear the butterfly, as I always say with your style, keep it simple. Make sure the butterfly is delicate, elegant and sophisticated. Or, add a simple butterfly necklace to an outfit.

2. One shouldered tops and dresses. This trend has been around for several years and does not appear to be going away any time soon. It is simple, classy sexy at its best. Unlike legs and cleavage, shoulders are delicate and sensitive like the neck. It is being sexy, without exposing too much skin like a Greek goddess...or Desi goddess. Keep the Grecian silhoute simple and the colour bold.

3. Sheer and see-through fabrics. It is very easy to make this trend trashy, but try to mix pieces and layer to ensure a soft and feminie look. Play with colours as well. Arden B has some beautiful sheer tunics in tangerine...playful and sexy.

4. Gladiator shoes. The sexiest shoe for 2009 is are going to be “the cage”. They are super strappy gladiator shoes. My personal choice is simple stiletto heel, but the wedge heel is hotness as well! Booties and zipper details are still the craze for spring.

5. Floral prints. Big flowers or mini florals, they add a touch of feminity to your wardrobe. For the girlie girls, you will feel like Charlotte in either of these patterns and as any part of your wardrobe. For the not so girlie girls, pair a mini floral top with jeans, stilettos and a structured leather jacket to keep it chic.

6. Jumpsuits. They are chic and mod – Charlie’s Angels sassy, sexy and classic. If you can only get one piece this season, opt for a simple silhouette in black and pair with simple accessories – heels, clutch, bracelet, diamond hoops and a statement ring. For a bold colour jumpsuit, check out Bebe.

7. Maxi dress. The maxi dress has become the staple of the spring/summer wardrobe. They are versatile in where they can be worn and by whom. Wear the maxi dress for grocery shopping, children’s birthday party or a casual dinner or night out. My favorites are by INC by Macy’s, BCBG, Old Navy and New York & Company. Choose a pattern that reflects your personality. Transition the maxi dress from breezy weather to summer with a structured leather jacket.

8. Ruffles. Wear the ruffles in an earth tone shade, with simple soft cascades or structured menswear pieces for a modern edge. For a fun night on the town, have fun with the ruffles. To wear it for work or a dinner party, keep the ruffles simple and focused on only one part of your party.

Are there any trends that you are excited about? What trends do you wish would come back? Or go away? Post on the blog or email me at desigirlhouston@gmail.com.

Cheating Spouses - right, wrong, or complicated?

2009-01-25T12:50:00.000-08:00

In recent weeks, there have been some interesting articles on extra-marital affairs. An article in Cosmo cited that 5% of women under the age of 35 surveyed reported that they have had an affair in the past. Another study found that one in five women have had an affairs. That’s a lot of young ladies. Has it finally happened? Have women finally become men that they can have guiltless affairs? I don’t think so. I think women are more confident, educated, independent and feel entitled to pleasures, sex and a better relationship. And, I think when women marry young, they are still learning about themselves and evolving as men. Some men can evolve with the woman and others can not.

Read the findings of a study conducted by the Janus Report on Sexual Behavior at the link below.

http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/231316/survey_reports_more_women_are_having.html?cat=41

While I was reading, I had a lot of questions run through my head: are there different reasons that men and women have affairs; is there a difference between a physical or emotional affair; how common is it that people I know are having an affair; is a marriage over when one partner has an affair; are women having as many affairs as men nowadays? Is lust being confused for love? And, the one question that really intrigued me, are Desis having affairs as well?

There were so many questions that I had and no one to answer them. So I set out trying to find out. While my questions didn’t all get answered, I learned a few things through my conversations. At first, I wasn’t quite sure how I would ask Desis about affairs. But it turns it out it wasn’t that difficult of a question to ask. Maybe it was my social work training or my honesty, but people wanted to share their emotional rollercoaster – the excitement, the fear, the love, the heartbreak. The men and women I spoke with just needed someone to ask and be non-judgmental when hearing their stories.

And, it wasn’t long before they started telling me about their affairs. I heard the stories. The stories were filled with excitement, comedy, sorrow and heartbreak. The stories were filled with sadness and loneliness.

There is a difference between a physical affair and an emotional affair. A physical affair is about physical contact. It is about the three letter word – sex. Its only about two bodies – their hands, kisses, skin, touches, caresses. An emotional affair does not necessarily have to have physical contact. It is about maintaining a close, intimate, personal relationship with someone other than your spouse.

Which is worse? Having sex with or sharing an emotional connection with someone other than your partner?

My heart cried when I heard the emotional turmoil. The stories would start the same. Each would talk about their unhappy, sexless and loveless marriages, but for fear of stigma or the love of their children, they made the decision to stay and bear the unhappiness. They saw their marriage as a pair of shackles which they could not cut off.

Each of them talked about trying to be happy with what they had – good health, children, home, a career – and yet always felt an emptiness in their hearts, souls and minds. And one day, a kind soul walked into their lives and reminded them what it felt like to have a genuine smile. To breathe again. To live again. To love again. And, to be loved. One man described feeling unconditional love for her for the first time. And here began a sad love story.

I actually don’t know what else to call it for these people. Whether it’s a love story between two people or a love story to love oneself again, nevertheless it is a sad love story. While they found these beautiful moments in their lives again, it was all in secrecy and with constant fears of getting caught. One woman touched my heart when she said her fear wasn’t for her, but for him. She didn’t want to cause any problems in his life.

As the studies have reported, sex was not the catalyst for the affairs. They started because needs were not being met – love, respect, need, humor, excitement, companionship, and to be touched.

Finally, for one reason or another, the decision was made to stop the rollercoaster ride. No one seemed to have gotten off the ride without being touched.

As outsiders, it is really easy to sit and judge others who have affairs. But, have we ever considered what it must be like for these men and women? Ever thought about why they make the decision to have an affair? What compels them? The people that I have spoken with are good people in desperate situations. They love their families, their children, are hard working, kind hearted, funny, successful and have tried to live honest lives without causing pain to others. This last characteristic is ironic, yes I know.

Whether it’s a physical affair or an emotional affair, no one wins. Each of those that shared their stories believes what they did was wrong and do not wish to hurt their partners, children or families. And, I agree with them.

So, next time you read about an affair or meet someone who is having an affair, don’t just feel for the spouses that are in the dark. But, look in the eyes of the cheating partner, there is pain there too that we do not see. Or, perhaps we do not want to see.

Share your thoughts by either posting on the blog or email me at desigirlhouston@gmail.com.

The Underdog Wins

2009-01-13T21:15:00.000-08:00

By now, you have probably seen and heard about the "Slumdog Millionaire's" wins at the 2009 Golden Globe awards. January 11, 2009 will go in Bollywood's history books for a few reasons, especially because A. R. Rehman became the first Indian to win a Golden Globe. I know I'm a little late with this entry, but I've been busy watching the movie (again) and thinking about the movie and its impact on Indian cinema.

Even though "Slumdog" wasn't a traditional Bollywood film, I was still so very proud of all the "Slumdog" moments - best drama, best director, best musical score, best screenplay, Shah Rukh presenting, and Anil Kapoor's enthusiasm. Pundits have already started to shout that "Slumdog" is a shoe-in for the Academy's coming up this year.

Writer, Shoba De, who is never afraid to write what's on her mind, has written a very interesting column on film, not the awards, but the content of the film for the Times of India. You can find it at the link below.

http://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/Columnists/Shobhaa_De_Slumming_it_out/articleshow/3961852.cms

When talking to Desis about the film, I have heard several responses. There are two camps - the first believe that the film accurately and justly portrayed the slums of Mumbai. The latter assert that the film should have shown the other side of Mumbai made up of the upper and middle classes.

I have never lived in Mumbai nor have I visited Mumbai. The only images I have of Mumbai are from City of Hope, documentaries and Bollywood films. Do I think the filmmakers could have done more to show the many faces of Mumbai? Yes, they could have. But, while the film was made in Mumbai, I don't believe that it was about Mumbai. I felt the film was more about optimism and how to rise in the face of adversity, poverty and betrayal. I felt this was a story of a young boy who could have been living in any impoverished neighbourhood in India, Africa, Middle East, and even in developed countries in Europe, USA and Canada.

Read Big B's blog to get his take on the the film.

But, there is another debate that has caught my attention since the Golden Globes. Is Slumdog Millionarie a Bollywood film? I have to admit, as a Bollywood cinema fan, it was a proud moment to see Shah Rukh Khan on the Golden Globe stage. He was (trying) to be suave, witty and stylish as he promoted Slumdog Millionaire. Equally proud was watching Karen Johar walk the red carpet with the Khans at the Globes. Of course, I didn't forget Anil Kapoor's enthusiasm. I love love love him for it!!!!

Now I understood why Anil Kapoor was at the Globes, but why SRK and KJ? They had no role in the film. And technically, Slumdog was not a Bollywood film. It was based on a British Indian's novel, British screen writer, the actor's were British Indian, British director and only 40% of the film was in Hindi. Aside from the film's music (which was phenomenal by the way...my cat and I love to dance to Ringa Ringa) and the film set in Mumbai, what was Bollywood about it?

In a recent interview with Anil Kapoor, he stated with pride for his country and his industry that all the technicians that worked on the film - aside from the director and screen writers - were Indian and from Bollywood. Perhaps, rather than calling it a Bollywood film, let's call it an Indian export...better yet a Bollywood export.

Since the wins at the Golden Globes, it has come out that SRK was invited by the Golden Globes to represent Bollywood. He was believed to be the international face of Bollywood. When I heard that I couldn't help but that think of the other Bollywood personalities who have more of an international presence in the media than SRK. What about Amitabh Bachan, Shilpa Shetty or Ashwariya Rai Bachan? I honestly believe that they are more well known faces than SRK. I can't count how many times men and women have said "There's this Indian woman I saw and she's called the most beautiful woman in the world. And she is!"

Regardless of what the debates are and what our stances are, it is truly an exciting moment for Bollywood, Mumbai and India to be recognized by the Golden Globes and now the Academy Awards.

Have you seen Slumdog Millionaire? Do you think its a Bollywood film? What did you think of SRK's presence at the Golden Globes? Post on the blog or email me at desigirlhouston@gmail.com

Tashaan Wardrobe Essentials - A Guide to Shopping During the Recession

2009-01-12T19:22:00.000-08:00

An economic crisis and Tashaan can exist together...it's just knowing where to best spend your hard earned rupees. Part II on shopping during bad economic times.

I love shopping with my girls!! I have a blast with them no matter where we shop or for what. It is the ultimate bonding experience. Trying on dresses at Macy’s, loosing the English language at Baby Gap, smelling the body butters at Body Shop, imagining where to put vases in my house at Z Gallerie!

On my last shopping trip with one of my favorite girls, as we tried on a variety of jackets, skirts, tops and shoes, we talked about fashion, style, politics, gossip, and of course the economy. Walking through the mall, we could see signs of recession all around us. I thought our Mecca invincible? Apparently not. An otherwise busy mall, this one had several stores that were closing down, there were sales of up to 70% in many of the retailers, and the crowds were low.

So naturally, as we were shopping we became a little bit more budget conscience (stop laughing friends, I said I became a little bit more, not a lot!). Do I really need to spend $100 on a black pencil skirt or a blue sequence skirt? Where will my fashion rupees best be used?

This is what led me to make the following desi fashionista wardrobe essentials list.
All desi fashionista’s deserve to feel beautiful, sexy, confident and Tashaan, but I don’t believe you feel this way from only purchasing from boutiques and Nordstorms. I believe you can feel like a chat-phat pataka from any clothing line. It’s really about knowing how to dress your body, where to splurge in your wardrobe and how to carry yourself with humility, grace and confidence.

Following is a list of wardrobe essentials that are a must in a our closets. These are items that are classic and carry from one season to the next. But you don’t need to flatten your wallet purchasing these essentials.

My general rules are as follows: Splurge on those essentials which will (a) transition from day to night in a breeze; (b) can be worm from season to season; and (c) stick with neutral colours. Save on those items that are (a) trends and (b) that you will only wear once or twice in a lifetime.

When shopping for any of the items below, choose items that best suit your body frame and skin tone.

A black dress. Spend. It is a classic piece that has been around since Jackie-O. Keep the silhouette simple and it will easily carry from one season to the next. Add statement jewelery, shoes and clutch to personalize it in ways that represent you Tashaan and personality.

A black tank, long sleeve white shirt or short sleeve t-shirt in a neutral colour. Save. We can wear these pieces at the gym, grocery shopping and at work. Because we wear them so close to our skin, they require more washing than other garments, and lose their fit. T-shirts are a staple because they can be easily dressed up or down for the gym or a day at the office. I personally like the Target and Old Navy selection…great necklines that can be dressed up or down, great colours, and they last after several washes.

Trouser jeans. Spend. Denim is no longer for the working class. It is one item that goes from casual to sexy with a quick change in shoes and top. Get one pair for a casual day and a second that can be dressed up; I recommend a darker wash and the right amount of stretch.

White collared shirt. Spend. This is a classic piece that has been around for years, transcends all trends and seasons. In the spring/summer, wear it over a camisole with the buttons open to expose a little skin. In the fall/winder, wear with a cardigan or v-neck sweater.

Black trousers. Spend. A great pair of black trousers can last for years; they are a timeless classic. They can easily be worn to work with a collared shirt and then for cocktails pair them with a trendy halter top and diamond hoop earrings.

Khakis, pin stripe pants, grey trousers and white trousers. Save (or spend). These are becoming the new classics. Just like black trousers, these bottoms can be easily transition to from day to night wear. Depending on your wardrobe and budget, you will benefit from either saving or spending. Personally, I have spent on my white trousers because I can never keep my whites white. They get a lot more wash, so I look for better quality fabrics that can withstand wash and wear.

Black pencil skirt. Spend. A great pencil skirt not only shows off the desi fashionista’s curves, but it lasts for years. Another timeless classic that takes you from season to season and from day to night.

Animal print cardigan. Save. A cardigan is a classic American piece for any fashionista. An animal print cardigan is a great way to make a desi fashionista stand out in a crowd. Depending on your wardrobe and budget, you will benefit from either spending or saving. I spent on my snow leopard cashmere/silk cardigan. It’s piece that transitions from professional at work to cocktails with the girls with a simple switcharoo of the tank top. If animal print is too bold for your taste, then I recommend a graphic pattern or bold colour.

Trench coat. Spend. The trench coat, like the black dress, is another piece that is a timeless classic since worn by Jackie O. and Audrey Hepburn. Today it is being worn by Anne Hathaway and Ashwariya Rai. Purchase one in a traditional neutral – black or beige – or in the new neutrals – purple or red. I recommend Banana Republic, Zara or United Colors of Benetton.

Hoop earrings. Save. Whether you like silver or gold, hoops are perfect with every outfit. They can be found in different textures, finishes and sizes. I do not recommend coloured hoops because unless your 16 years old they loose in class and charm and add cheap to the outfit. For a formal outfit, wear hoops that are accented with diamonds or Swarvorski’s crystals. Both Icing by Claire’s and Charming Charlie’s has a great selection of silver and gold hoops. For those with sensitive hears, try the nickel free earrings carried by Icing by Claire’s.

Charm bracelet. Save. A simple silver charm bracelet takes any outfit up a notch. I recommend keeping the charms minimal and small – five maximum. I wear mine with a simple heart charm. Aldo Accessories, Charming Charlies and Icing by Claire’s have a great selection of charm bracelets ranging from dainty to rockstar…choose one that best reflects your Tashaan. Avoid a gold charm bracelet, it has potential to look gawdy.

Sweater dress. Spend. Once you find the right fit, length and colour, it is not only a Tashaan statement, but a jawdropper for your figure. If you can only purchase one, look for one in a neutral colour and add your Tashaan through accessories.

Shirt dress or wrap dress. Spend. These are classic pieces that have withstood the trends and seasons since DVF and Jackie O. Not only is these dresses great for the work week, but they are ideal for the weekends and for travel.

Silk blouse. Save (or spend). The silk blouse is another piece that never falls off the runaway. Find one in a jewel tone that flatters your skin tone. Most desi fashionistas look stunning in a jewel-toned purple, pink or blue. You can wear this with a pencil skirt, trousers or trouser jeans.

Trendy items. Save. Mix and match your classic wardrobe pieces with trendy items. For example, sequence is all the rage right now, but there is no need to spend 90$ at Marciano for a sequence halter, when you can find something similar at Forever 21, Charlotte Russe or H&M.

Fitted jacket or denim jacket. Spend. A fitted jacked that shapes your frame (look for one that fits the widest part of your body) in a solid colour is a timeless classic that can be easily transitioned from casual to formal or day to night. It can take a simple t-shirt and jeans and upgrade your look to classy and refined. Please do not wear the denim jacket with a pair of jeans, unless you’re wanting the “refinery” look.

Bold sweater, blouse or jacket. Save. Bold patterns, graphics and colours change from season to season. Spend your fashion rupees on bold patterns that are in classic fits and colours so that they can be worn over several seasons, such as a zebra print trench coat. Save on the trendy patterns or colours.

Evening dress. Save. I love the jeweled toned dresses. Purple is a great shade for desi fashionistas. And, sequence was all the rage this NYE. And, it took me a year to find a bubble dress that flattered my desi booty. Styles and colours change from season to season so why bring out the wallet for something that you are only going to wear maybe twice. Purchase evening dresses in simple silhouettes and colours that flatter your skin tone so that when you wear them, they are seen as classic pieces.

Sari. Spend. Sari is a timeless Indian treasure. Colours, patterns, textures and sari blouse patterns have changed over the years, but the sari itself has never gone out of style. Spend on a sari because as our moms, massis and chachis saris have shown, it will never go out of style. If you do decide to wear a vintage sari, make it modern by making a new sari blouse with a more modern neckline.

Anarkali chooridaar. Save. It was worn by Madhubala in Mughal-e-Azam, Rekha in the 70s, Madhuri Dixit wore it in Devdas, Ashwariya Rai in Umaro Jaan and in the past 2-3 years, most Bollywood actresses have worn the anarkali chooridaar at least once to an award function or in a film. It has become so popular by desi women everywhere, that it is very difficult to find one that is unique. And, if your anything like me, I hate wearing something that is ordinary, I want it to be unique. Something that screams my name when I walk into a room!

When purchasing salwaar kameez’s or chooridaar’s, as with everything stick with classic silhouettes, colours and embroidery. Unless there is a special occasion, then spend on the outfit that makes you feel beautiful, trendy, classic. Your Tashaan deserves to shine.

What are your Tashaan essentials? Post on the blog or write to me at desigirlhouston@gmail.com

Recession and Tashaan?

2009-01-08T20:33:00.000-08:00

An economic crisis and Tashaan can exist together...it's just knowing where to best spend your hard earned rupees.

Yesterday after a tough day at work, I decided I needed some desperately needed retail therapy. While some get relief through a cocktail and others with “comfort food”, for me a sense of calm comes from buying something - anything really. We seek these “comforts” to help lessen our mood or anxiety. My “comfort buys” can be anything – a trip to Central Market or Target is just as much enjoyable as a trip to BCBG or Arden B. “Comfort buys” just need to be pretty, exotic and something that I enjoy.

My “comfort buys” yesterday were a beautiful selection of unmentionables at Victoria’s Secret - $148 to be exact. But, they are beautiful. And, I admit there is a natural high that comes with retail therapy. Admiring the VS undergarments (I’m trying not be crass since I know little sisters and cousins maybe reading this as well), the trims, the details, the styles and then finding the one that makes be feel sexy, but not trampy and then finding the matching bras and walking out with the pink VS shopping bag….a natural high that Reese’s peanut butter cups barely come close to. I really, truly love how shopping makes me feel.

I wasn’t thinking of my budget, my bank account or the falling US economy when I gave my debit card to the male associate (which was a little weird as he folded my cheekies). Rather, I was thinking “Wow! What great pieces! I love everything I got! It’s all so sexy and cute! I’m so embarrassed that this strange man knows what I’ll be wearing tomorrow!” After I decline the VS credit card, I pass my debit card over the counter, I enter my pin code, and I’m asked “Yes or No. Is $148 the correct balance?” My heart skips a beat, I glance at the pretty VS bag with my pretty cheekies and bras and hit the ‘yes’ key. I closed my eyes, accepted my receipt and walked out the door with the pink VS bag. Well, at least I’ll feel pretty and sexy when I’m in the poorhouse.

The current state of the economy has led to an increase in unemployment, companies filing for bankruptcy, mortgage crisis, and economies seeking for federal bailout assistance. (In fact, I read this morning on cnn.com that the adult entertainment industry - a.k.a. the porn industry - is also requesting for a $5 billion dollar bailout from the federal government because they too have been impacted by the global financial crisis...really?? Come on!!).

The financial crisis is so deep that there has been a drastic decrease in womens’ clothing purchases. The sales figures from the past holiday shopping season has reported that women’s apparel retailers are reporting same-store decreases anywhere from 7-12%. In fact, Cache has been rumored to shut down stores across the US because of these figures.

All this made me think, how do desi fashionistas keep their Tashaan during times of recessions, budgets and bankruptcy? First and foremost, I believe that shopping for Tashaan can only be done after all bills have been paid and a certain amount has been set aside for savings and 401Ks. It is ideal that Tashaan shopping is done after developing an investment portfolio.

Now that my I made my public service announcement, here’s the important stuff. I’m going to give you some tips and guidelines on how to build your Tashaan during the current economic times. Every desi fashionista deserves to feel confident and beautiful of her look. And, this does not mean that you can only shop at boutiques or designers. It’s more about being a savvy shopper for your Tashaan; knowing where to splurge at the Galleria and when to save by shopping at Target.

First, your make-up case, what are the products that you can splurge or spend on. Do you need to spend $18 on a blue eyeshadow?

Second, a list of essential closet/wardrobe staples that every desi fashionista must own. I’ll even include a list of items that you should splurge on and what should be a bargain buy. Do you need to purchase a $200 black satin ruffle coat?

Third, bargain shopping secrets. In this entry, I will include how to shop in your current closet, who is going to become your best friend and secret Tashaan weapon and how to shop for bargains (yes…there is a science to bargain shopping).

I found the following tips for savvy beauty shopping at ABCDlady.com. To see the full article please go to their website. Below, you will find the main points of their article.

1. SAVE on daily cleanser by looking at your drugstore. The purpose of a cleanser is to surround dirt, grime, oil and other leftover product particles on your face, loosen them and make them easy to remove. Non-foaming cleansers (usually cold creams and lotions) are the least harsh on your skin. If you are acne prone, look for cleansers with salicylic acid or benzyl peroxide, two ingredients known to combat acne effectively. If you have sensitive skin like me, then it's best to spend on a cleanser that works for your skin.

2. SPEND on moisturizer. Look for ingredients like hydroxyl acids to help with the exfoliation of dead skin cells, niacin-amide to help with natural oil production to combat sun spots or blotchiness and glycerol, which is effective in helping water and other ingredients in the moisturizer penetrate into the skin. Some drugstore brands have conducted studies that show their products are just as effective—or sometimes, even more effective!—at providing hydration for thirsty skin. The best way to SAVE here is to look for some double action: let your moisturizer double as your sunscreen by finding one with SPF 30 or higher!

3. SPEND on foundation, concealer and powder. Your foundation and concealer have to match your skin exactly! You don’t want to be that girl in photos whose face is clearly a different color than the rest of her! At a department store or boutique, you can test different foundations, concealers and powders to see how they work with your skin tone.

4. SAVE on eyeshadow, eyeliner and mascara. Eye makeup should be replaced every three months, and spending lots of money on makeup products with very short shelf life is rarely a good idea! Department store and boutique eye shadows are often more finely ground and can have more expensive ingredients, which is why they sometimes blend better or appear less chalky. But for trendy shades of eye shadow and eyeliner, it is definitely worth it to SAVE and pick up your favorite color of the moment from the local drug store. Old mascara can get clumpy and germy quickly. Replace your mascara every three months to keep it at its performance best! If you can’t shake the need to buy your eye makeup at the counter, try to stick to classic basics when you SPEND. Buy colors you love and wear regularly in individual pots, instead of investing in a palette that is more expensive. You’ll be paying for colors you won’t use or wear.

5. SAVE on lipstick and lipgloss. Glosses and lipsticks don’t last more than three months, and color trends don’t have a lifespan much longer than that anyway. Do yourself a favor and SAVE by picking up your glosses and lipsticks at the drugstore. You can try out more colors, won’t suffer buyer’s remorse when this season’s color is just not right for you and can replace colors easily without guilt. If you must SPEND to beautify your lips, stick to the same tips as with eye makeup: buy classic colors that you wear regularly, and not something too trendy that you may only wear once or twice.

6. SPEND on blush. The first rule of blush application is blend, blend and blend! More expensive blushes are more finely milled and, like powders and foundations, blend better with the skin. Department store lines also have a wider range of colors to choose from, so every skin tone can find the perfect blush.

What make-up products do you splurge or save on? Post on the blog or email me at desigirlhouston@gmail.com

Happy New Year's!!

2009-01-02T12:45:00.000-08:00

I'm away from Houston in the far North, shivering in the snow!!! And, enjoying the holidays and new year celebrations with family and friends. I hope 2009 is filled with love, warmth, family, friends and Tashaan!!

I got a text from a dear friend sending me wishes. I want to sent it to each of you.

"Five people were asking for a your cell number. I didn't give them your number, but I gave then your address. They are coming today. They are Sukh, Shanti, Barakat, Khushi and Tandurasti. Please welcome them as I have requested they stay with you forver. Happy New Year's. :)"

Also, the link to one of my favorite videos of 2008 entitled "The Last Lecture" is below. I hope you enjoy it and that it inspires you to make the 2009 the best yet.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R9ya9BXClRw&feature=PlayList&p=8F417F6EA0262918&playnext=1&index=2

HAPPY NEW YEAR'S!!!

The Cold Weather's Essential Outfit - Sweater Dress

2008-12-27T21:19:00.000-08:00

This fall/winter, there is one piece of clothing that I can't get out of my head - the versatile sweater dress, perfect for showing off your curves and sexy stilletto boots, but still keeping you warm on snow days. Wear it to work, a date with the new hottie, a girl's nite or for a martini. Sweater dresses are wonderfully versatile; with just a couple of simple accersory changes, you can take this simple dress from day to night! I love the sweater dress so much I've bought several for the season.

Some of my favorites are from Banana Republic, Victoria Secret, INC at Macy's, Calvin Klein, Forever 21 and Ann Taylor (and yes I own a few of these). Sorry...I am fashion savvy but not tech savvy. Since I only recently started blogging, I'm still learning how to add images. If you are interested in any of these dresses, just email me and I will send you a link.

How to Accessorize a Sweater Dress

The sweater dress looks great on everyone, if you find the right fit. So take your time and try on as many as needed until you feel super snug and super sexy! With all the different colours, textures and fittings of this season's staple dress, you don't need alot of accessories - less is more when accessorizing your sweater dress. And, use your accessories to help your Tashaan shine. Here are a few ways to show off your Tashaan in the sweater dress:

1. Colour. Depending upon your skin tone, if you can only buy one sweater dress this season, find a flattering neutral - black, cream, brown, navy, red or purple (the new neutral).

2. Fit and Length. There are so many options available - long, mini, babydoll, elegant - for your personal Tashaan. If you choose a snug fit (like the Banana Republic or INC at Macy's dresses), I would strongly recommend investing in undergarments that will suck the tummy and avoiding panty lines, such as Spanx (Macys).

3. Belt. To add definition to your waist, wear a thick, waist hugging belt around the narrowest part of your waist.

4. Shoes. As any desi fashionista knows, the shoes can make or break the outfit. For a casual look, wear your new sweater dress with ballet slippers. For a dressy look, wear it with a nice pair of pumps. Personally, I like wearing my sweater dresses with a sexy pair of stilleto boots.

5. Hosiery. To add an elemant of surprise and uniqueness, keep your sweater dress simple and experiment with patterned and textured hosiery.

6. Jewellery. To really stand out in a crowd, pair your sweater dress with a long beaded necklace or chandelier earrings - noth both. At the office wear it with hoop earrings and a chunky bracelet or watch.

7. Bags. Wear your sweater dress with a hobo bag or a clutch purse. Your purse is wear you can add a fabulous pop of colour if your sweater dress is a neutral colour.

How do you show your Tashaan in the sweater dress? What's your favorite sweater dress? Email me at desigirlhouston@gmail.com.

The Tashaan Suitcase

2008-12-21T21:29:00.001-08:00

Traveling is always fun for any Tashaan girl. It's a great way to escape from the mundane day-to-day that we call life. Tashaan girls can be seen to enjoy shopping, dining, culture, language...and of course the eye candy at their travel destination.

It's an opportunity to free oneself of daily stressors and expectations. Travelling allows oneself to feel carefree, burden-proof and to bring out the inner child!

One thing that a Tashaan girl never does on her travels is commit a fashion faux-pas. But, oye-hoye... the fashion faux-pas and fuglies that I saw and flinched at on my latest weekend getaway inspired me make a list of things that every Tashaan suitcase should have. Be it a weekend getaway or a week long vacation, it's not that difficult if you follow my packing tips below.

First, my soapbox. I understand that when you're traveling you want to be comfortable and that the focus is on having fun with your travel companions - be it the flavor of the week, family or the girls. BUT, there is no excuse for the many, many fashion fuglies that I observed this week during my travels.

While I want to mention all the fuglies that I saw, I will not because I'm trying to keep in mind the need for comfort when traveling and the real focus of a vacation - to relax and to enjoy the company of your companions.

But there is still no excuse for committing the following two fashion faux-pas - wear ill fitting underwear or wear ill fitting clothes. I'm ignoring the sneakers with dresses, the over sized holiday sweaters, the mismatch of colours, and the three bags over two shoulders - and is it hard to ignore. (Actually, if you follow the tips below, these fashion blunders will not occur.) A lot harder to ignore was the ill fitting clothes. This is my biggest pet peeve because it affects not your physical appearance but also your emotional/mental well being.

When a woman (or a man) wears ill fitting clothes (or commits any fashion faux-pax), it shows the lack of respect and time that you have for yourself. You're telling the world that you don't cherish or take the time care for yourself. Wearing clothes that are too loose or too tight show your lack of confidence in yourself and your sense of shame of your body.

Similarly, ill fitting clothes and underwear do not flatter the body in any way. Let me stress this again, it does not flatter your body. By wearing clothes that are too loose makes you look heavier. Wearing clothes that are too tight also makes you look heavier, but now you have exposed your flab. Ill fitting underwear does the same to the body. If the right sizes are worn, it pushes up and sucks in the right places, not hang over or hang south. And panty lines are so very unattractive.

People make opinions of us in the first 30 seconds that we meet, typically by the clothes that we wear. Why would you want to leave this impression on others?

Now, here are some essentials to pack for your trips and still carry your Tashaan during your travels:

1. Your favorite pair of jeans or a jean skirt. These can be dressed up or dressed down with a change in the top and accessories.

2. For outdoor activities, include a pair of Capris or shorts. Don't forget your running shoes.

3. When packing tops definitely include a black and a white T-Shirt for they will go with all of your bottoms and can be dressed up with accessories. Include a fun top for a night out.

4. A jersey dress or a wrap dress. These can be dressed up or dressed down with a change in the shoes and accessories. You can easily take it from day to evening in minutes!

5. Keep your accessories simple - a pair of hoops, a small pendant necklace and a show stopping ring, for example. Either pack gold or silver toned jewellery, but not both.

6. If you know you will be walking a lot, pack your comfy shoes - ballerina slippers, thong sandals, sneakers. etc. Don't forget to include a pair of dancing shoes - nude coloured shoes will go with everything.

7. To keep you warm add a shawl or a fitted jacket to your suitcase.

8. When deciding on what colours to pack, stick with neutrals (black, white, beige, red, or purple) and add a pop of colour and attitude to your wardrobe with your accessories - purses, shoes, statement jewellery pieces. I would recommend neutral bottoms and colour around the face - not only will you look slimmer, but you'll look fresher!! Not only will you get more wear out of your clothes, but you'll have packed less...leaving room for all of your purchases from your outlet mall shopping!!

9. When packing, have each item match up with at least two other pieces. For example, dark denim can be worn with a t-shirt for sight seeing or a sexy black halter for a trendy restaurant or cocktails.

10. I tend to wear bulkier clothes on the plane...not only does this keep me warm, but I now have more room in my luggage for shoes and purses.

What are your suitcase essentials when you travel? What are your Tashaan pet peeves? Post on the blog or email me at desigirlhouston@gmail.com

2008-12-14T19:59:00.000-08:00

"Dostana" is the latest film from Karan Johar and Tarun Mansukhani (director). It's a non-rhona-dhona film that KJ has made. While it releaseed a month ago, I have seen it twice already! And, I enjoyed it just as much the second time as the first.

The masala film stars Abhishek Bachan, John Abraham and Priyanka Chopra. It's young, modern, witty, sexy and funny. The music is bumpin' - or should we Bouncin' by Vishal Shekhar.

"Dostana" has all the ingredients for great Bollywood cinema - fun, friendship, sexiness, comedy, romance, music and the beach. Set in Miami, its the story of two hot guys pretending to be gay for an apartment and find themselves room mates with hot Neha.

It's been awhile since a comedy of this calibre has come out of Bollywood. Abhishek and John's performance as two gay men were outstanding. Abhishek presented the stereotypes of a gay man with perfection and John was pure comedy as the "hairless wonder." The chemistry of the three lead characters - Neha, Sam and Kunal - is cozy. But, for me the chemistry and camaderie between Abhishek and John is what makes the film a laugh riot. And, I believe it was these two who carried the film on their shoulders.

There were several scenes where I was on the floor laughing!! The "maa da ladla" number; how they first met; and, the KKKG scene. I don't want to give away too much for those that haven't seen the film yet!

Priyanka looks gorgeous in her Bo Derek inspired gold swimsuit. John made great eye candy as the "hairless wonder". Abhishek, noted to have been carrying a family pack lately, looks cool and confident as always.

KJ presented homosexuality with the same wit, humor and sexual inneuendo as "Kantaben" from Kal Ho Na Ho. While this film brought the topic of homosexuality to the forefront, it did not bring the topic of homosexuality in the South Asian community to the discussion table. Critics and gay activitists have argued that KJ did not do justice to the gay community. However, we must remember that KJ does not make films based upon social issues, but rather masala films which push the envelope. And, he must be credited for that.

In Dostana, it was sexuality. In KANK, it was finding your soulmate after being bound to marriage. In Kuch Kuch Hota Hai, it was friendship and love. In KKKG, it was family.

For viewers wanting a real look at homosexuality in the Desi community, I would recommend either the film Fire or My Brother Nikhil. They are both non-commercial films that focus upon homsexuality.

What did you think of Dostana? What are your thoughts about the desi gay community? Post here or email me at desigirlhouston@gmail.com

Tashaan is Out of Hibernation!!!

2008-12-10T19:19:00.000-08:00

"Fashion fades—style is eternal."

- Yves Saint Laurent

Fashion trends change with season to season. Fashion can be bought at a department store, boutique, NYC, or the streets of Delhi and Amritsar. Fashion can be copied. Fashion follows the masses. But, style. Style is eternal. Style comes from within one's heart and soul. Style is unique and individual. Style is confidence in being different. Style transcends all trends and time.

I believe fashion and style are interrelated, but it is style that one carries when she walks out her door. It is the style, or Tashaan, that makes a woman stand out in a crowd and leaves onlookers wanting more of her, desiring her company.

First, let me thank everybody who have been reading my blog and have told your family and friends. It really means a lot!! I am certainly looking forward to hearing your thoughts, comments, reactions and ideas for future Tashaan postings.

Next, let me apologize for my little hiatus. Actually, I have been busy with studying and getting my Bootylicious booty kicked by the exams. It's all over now! And, I get to put my focus back on Tashaan, fashion, style and shopping!!

If you read below, you'll find two new entries. One focuses on guidelines that you can follow to help you dress for the holiday season. And the second, is on who teaches you about Tashaan. I have shared with you some of my favorite Tashaan desi ladies. And, I liked to hear who has taught you about Tashaan. You will also find some additions on my blog list. I recommend the Indian MakeUp Diva and the Science of Fashion.

As your reading, please share your thougths with me - good or bad, if I can dish it, I can take it as well. And, if you like what you're reading, then share my blog with others. Or, join my profile on Facebook (search Tashaan Houston). I want all desi women to learn that there is more to Tashaan than looks and designer clothes. It's about confidence, inner beauty, compassion and owning yourself.

Come back next week and look for entries on my latest Tashaan read (a fabulous book), Tashaan film, Tashaan basics and what a Tashaan desi girl takes with her on her weekend travels.

I hope you stay safe, enjoy the snow in Houston today and build on your ever beautiful Tashaan.

Tashaan Desi Girl

How to Dress for the Holidays with Class and Style, not a Walking Christmas Tree or Disco Ball

2008-12-10T18:29:00.000-08:00

December is one of my favorite months. The Christmas tree, the stockings, the fresh snowfalls, the family and friends, the gifts, the lights, hot cocoa, a fireplace…in 30 seconds I can probably make a list of 45 items. But, my all time favorite thing about holidays are the parties – the office Christmas party, the formal dinner party and the NYE party.

Us ladies get a chance to really dress it up in style. Well…at least for some of us. There is an unwritten rule to holiday office parties – one person must commit every fashion faux possible. Last weekend, I was at my office Christmas party. The ballroom was beautiful, the drinks were never ending, and the food was plenty. The ladies wore dresses and the men wore ties. And, then there was “Manpreet” (names have been changed to protect the fashion culprits identity). She wore black velvet gauchos, a t-shirt with a reindeer whose nose blinked, a black velvet shirt/jacket (still not sure what it was) and a reindeer headband. Her Tashaan had a very hard time shining through that costume.

To prevent you from making the same mistake, I have put together the following list of “guidelines” to consider when trying to find your holiday dress.

- Always be comfortable with what you’re wearing. And, I don’t mean in the sense of being able to run errands. But, wearing an outfit that makes you feel confident, sexy and beautiful. You shouldn’t be worried about things popping out or what people are saying about you. Rather, your outfit should bring out you, only better. It should bring out your Tashaan.

- With the state of the current economy, invest in classic pieces that you can wear again in the future – the little black or red dress is a staple in any Tashaan wardrobe. Look for quality, chic style at Macy’s, Banana Republic, White House Black Market, Cache or Club Monaco. If you can, shop after holiday season; I bought beautiful, classy gowns from Macy’s for 60$ a piece last year that I’ll be wearing this year and the next.

- Metallic and sequins are all the rage. Keep the colors classic and accessories simple. I once saw a woman wearing a black and yellow sequins dress – she resembled a bumblebee!!

- For a casual dinner, dark washed straight leg jeans paired with a metallic, dressy top and accessories are HOT HOT HOT! Find great tops at Express and killer shoes at Aldo.

- Accessories. You have plenty of options and a statement piece will add flare to any outfit. Add a pair of satin pumps, a clutch, necklace, earrings or bangles (dig in your bangle box in your closet). Accessorizing can be chic or they can be overdone by being matchy-matchy. Less is always more with accessories.

- Get a French manicure, dark nails or metallics.

- If you’re going to a desi holiday party, the above guidelines apply. Keep the silhouettes simple and clean. The churidaar and Capri pants are great options to keep it trendy and classic. Pair it with simple stilettos, statement earrings and wear your dupatta around you neck for a classy look. The sari can be a statement piece with a sexy halter blouse or elegance with a simple blouse.

What are you wearing this holiday season? What’s the worse holiday fashion faux pas that you have seen? Post on the blog or email me at desigirlhouston@gmail.com

Who Teaches you Tashaan? Your baby sister or a Bollywood Starlet?

2008-12-08T18:57:00.000-08:00

Every Desi Girl needs a Tashaan role model. This individual - your older sister, a girl at school, a movie star, a top model, or a ficational character - is the one that we turn to teach us and guide us on Tashaan and how to develop our own Tashaan.

You never want to copy your role model's Tashaan because that will not show the true you, but rather it will scream your fakeness. You want to learn from her about how to love yourself, love your body, love your strengths and learn from your weaknesses and flaws. Watch how she plays up her beauty strengths and hides her flaws, exudes confidence and is happy with life. After learning from your Tashaan role model, own your Tashaan. Find your Tashaan that makes you feel intelligent, beautiful, sexy, funny and happy.

Some of my favorite celebrity Tashaan role models are listed below. But, my real Tashaan role models are the ladies in my life - sisters, cousins, friends and co-workers. Everyday they teach me how to laugh, how to love and how to enjoy life. And yes, they even give me a few style tips! It this their zest for life that is the real Tashaan - not the designer clothes we shop for and wear!

Below are some of my favorite desi girl Tashaan role models - in no particular order.

KonKona Sen Sharm - LOVE LOVE LOVE her Tashaan. I love how she carries the "ethnic look" with sassy chic confidence, not fobby. Her Tashaan stems from her comfort to be herself and not be afraid to be her own woman. Nor is she afraid to deglamourize herself in her art and watch her Tashaan - watch her Tashaan in Aaja Nachle, Laaga Chunari Mein Daag, or Life in a Metro.

Rani Mukherjee and Priety Zinta - Both of these ladies have the peppy girl next door look. Yet, don the classic Chanel or LV or sari or churidaar with ease and grace. Their Tashaan reminds me of Jackie O or Audrey Hepburn - simple, chic and classic. Their Tashaan exudes sweetness, beauty and friendship from their smiles, eyes and confidence.

Bipasha Basu - she is the epitome of a sexy desi girl. She knows how to use her Tashaan to make both men and women wanting more of her. Her curves, hair and no nonsense confidence are her signature Tashaan. Choreographer Ahmed Khan has been quoted to say that as a dancer she knows how to position and show her body's greatest assets. Be it a Beedi girl from Omkara or a top executive from Corporate, she shows all sides of her Tashaan.

Ashwariya Rai and Sushmita Sen - Both of these ladies are classic beauty queens. While one plays it safe and traditional, the other pushes the envelope with her boldness. One is the fair-skinned people's princess, the other excudes confidence in her 'skin the colour of mocha.' Their different Tashaan's are evident by the roles that they have chosen - Ash's roles were of the damsel in stress, whereas Sush has played the independent thinking woman - and their relationships.

Priyanka Chopra – As a previous Miss World, she exudes beauty in everything that she does. She believes that “sensuality is in a woman’s eyes rather than the clothes she wears.” Priyanka’s Tashaan reminds me of a classic Sridevi; and, yet she is a desi girl that looks HOT HOT HOT whether in a traditional sari or a Californian mini dress. She is a great blend of East meets West Tashaan.

There are other desi girls who excude Tashaan - Tabu (actress), Shabana Azmi (actress, activist), Shoba De (author), Ektaa Kapoor (BalaJi Telefilms), Gurinder Chadha (Bend it Like Bekham), Deepa Mehta (Earth, Fire, Water), Kiran Desai (the Inheritance of Loss), Chitra Baneerjee Divakaruni (Arranged Marriages), Bapsi Sidhwa (An American Brat) and Jhumpa Lahiri (the Namesake). Their Tashaan flows from their intelligence, confidence, determination and pursuit for equality. Above all, their Tashaan is from their art and creativity.

Who's your Tashaan role model? Tell me about it...post on the blog or email me at desigirlhouston@gmail.com

Salwaar Kameez Tips

2008-12-01T12:56:00.001-08:00

I was looking for outfit ideas for upcoming weddings and came across this. I thought you might find it helpful as well!! I adapted some of their rules based upon current trends, but you can see the original post at http://www.bargello.com/salwar_kameez_tips.asp.

- The kameez should be a little longer in height. It makes you look taller. If your height is around 5 feet 3 inches then your kameez height should be around 47- 48 inches.
- If you have broad shoulders then avoid wearing puffed sleeves. If you are uncomfortable in sleeveless, then go for sleeves of about 5 inches length. This will hide the flab on your arms and your hands will look thinner.
- Churidar looks good on long kameezs or Kurtas. Avoid wearing them on short Kurtas. A churidar with a short kurta top can make your lower half look bigger.
- Chinese collar (closed neck) makes you look tall, but avoid it if you have broad shoulders.
- Wear a Salwar Kameez around your naval area, as it will pull in your stomach. If you have the tie strings on your side, it reduces the look of the paunch.
- Avoid Organza or any stiff cloth if you want to look slimmer.
- Wear colors that flatter your skin tone - shades of pink, purple, maroon complement all desi girls.
- Use colour to balance your body. Wear light colours where you're small and dark colours where larger. For example, if you have large hips, wear dark skirts or pants and a light coloured blouse. Wearing one uniform color is also very slimming.
- Don't choose clothes that are too tight. Clothes that fit well will make you appear slimmer while tight clothes will only add pounds.
- Clothes in solid colours with simple lines will make you appear taller.
- Always break in new shoes before wearing them out for a special occasion. And, please don't wear chunky heels - go for the stillettos or kitten heels.
- Wear straight silhouettes in a solid colour to hide a thick waist.
- The skinner the stripes, the thinner you appear.
- A straight cut skirt and full leg pants will hide large thighs.
- To lengthen your legs wear slim, straight leg pants.
- When you are wearing a white kameez, wear a bra close to your skin colour.
- To hide wide hips, try an a-line style dress.
- When accessorizing, don't mix gold and silver. Keep either the earrings or the necklace as the focus of the attention, not both. Add choodiyan that pick up the colors of you outfit.

Remember desi girls, your Tashaan and beauty are not solely based on the clothing or outfits that you wear, but are a complete package made up of your confidence, your grace, your charm and your humility. Your outfit, accessories and make-up only enhances your natural beauty, shows your personality, and brings out your Tashaan.

What do you think of these style tips for wearing a Salwaar Kameez? Are there any tips that I've forgotten? What are some fashion faux pas' that you've seen in desi clothes? Post on the blog or email me at desigirlhouston@gmail.com.

Tashaan Secrets

2008-12-01T11:09:00.000-08:00

Today, as I spend the day sick in bed, sipping on chicken noodle soup, I realize how little Tashaan I must be showing right now - Care Bear socks, flannel pajamas, an over sized sweater, bed hair, a pile of tissues on the floor and Vicks Vaporub on my nose and chest (doesn't that just sound sexxy). And, then it hit me! Even at our worst moments, we all still have Tashaan. It just depends on how we show it!

Tashaan is that special je ne sais quoi that takes a man's breath away at one glance and leaves him begging for more. It's that kuch kuch that makes women want to talk to you. And, emulate you.

Every desi girl has four Tashaan secrets, which if used properly even in flannel pajamas will make you shine - a stunning smile, a sparkle in your eyes, beautiful hair, and a great sense of humor.

Smile. The first step to a great smile is brush regularly and keep your teeth white - there is nothing more gross than having yellow teeth or saag paneer stuck in your teeth. Smile at everyone. The baker, the cashier at Target, the little old lady getting into her car next to you, the librarian. Hell, even the co-worker that always gives you nasty looks. Make your smile genuine, open, friendly and cheerful. Nobody wants to talk to a sour puss. After all your "smile is the second best thing you can do with you lips."

Sparkle in Your Eyes. When you make eye contact, your eyes should look excited to be where you are at that moment and the person that you are sharing it with. Show your happiness, your excitement, your passion for being able to live in this very moment. Just be where you are, and forget all else in the world around you.

Hair. Desi girls have been blessed with a great head of hair. Keep it long, flowing and shiny. Add highlights to bring out our mocha skin tones - the reds, the caramels, the browns. Let it be touchable and soft. Add a hint of scent, spray your favorite perfume on a brush while you brush your hair. Or, use a leave in product from Herbal Essences...my personal favorite it the Long Term Relationship with Red Raspberry.

Sense of Humour. Be yourself and bring out your inner goofball!! Whether its with corny jokes, naughty jokes, witty jokes, your quirky ways of being or your inner blond, laugh!! And, make others laugh...or at the very least make them smile.

Above all else, be confident of who you are. You are an intelligent, beautiful, funny woman. With these four secrets, not only does your Tashaan shine, but it makes others feel special and important. And, making others feel worthy is the ultimate goal of my Tashaan.

What do you think are your Tashaan secrets? Do you agree or disagree with my four secrets? Tell me what you think, post here or email me at desigirlhouston@gmail.com.

Thanksgiving Thanks

2008-11-29T18:25:00.000-08:00

This past weekend as we celebrated life and all that we are thankful for, I was reminded to be thankful for things that I take for granted on a daily basis.

Watching the Mumbai scenes on TV and reading the accounts of witnesses, it was like watching the scenes from 9/11 or from a movie. There are no words to describe the shock and utter sadness of the events. It was a senseless crime done for reasons beyond my comprehension.

The news media have associated the events to a group called Deccan Mujahideen. Not much is known about these men, except that they came on a boat and had been orchestrating these attacks for approximately two months. It saddens me that men and women will hurt others in the name of religion. Religion - regardless of which one it is - is an institution to guide us. My religion taught me how to be patient and to love. It gave me values and moral. Never did it say to harm others in the name of God. And, I am not aware of a God who asks his children to hurt others.

Why? Why the hate? The bloodshed? The anger?

As the events continue to unfold, we learn that these men have had relations with Pakistan, which has further heightened the anger and animosity in India. There have been some accounts of backlash towards Muslims in India because of this new information. I don't believe that we can have anger towards a whole country or a whole religion. We have to remember that these men do not represent the sentiments of Pakistanis or Muslims, but rather a very small minority of men and women who are misguided.

This is not a war between India and Pakistan, but rather between terrorists and peace. I hope we can all remember, that this is not a war between India and Pakistan, between Hindu and Muslim or between rich or poor. But rather this is a fight for freedom, for peace, for love, for acceptance. To end hate and terrorism.

This Thanksgiving I am thankful to have freedom, democracy and to feel safe. To have hope for the future. To be able to say we voted for the first African American President. I am thankful for my family, whose goofiness always puts a smile on my face. I am ever so grateful for my friends who can make me laugh. I am thankful that I have a home, a job, a career, and health insurance.

I'm also thankful for my favorite red Aldo shoes, my brown military dress, fresh air, my backyard, jokes and giggles, the songs the birds sing, my iPod, my books, silence in my home, chocolate and green tea.

May you find peace in your heart, live in a home with love and find your Tashaan.

Welcome to Tashaan!!

2008-11-26T09:27:00.000-08:00

Tashaan simple means personal style. And, personal style is different for all of us. This is not a blog to rain on ur Tashaan, but rather to define your personal Tashaan. To enhance it. To perfect it. To accept it. To own it.

I created this blog because I love fashion - the clothes, the fabrics, the colours, the designs, the jewellery. I love it all!! I strongly believe that fashion and your Tashaan are the best way to show your individuality, uniqueness and what makes you you!

Your probably wondering how Tashaan differs from other blogs. Well in several ways. I will focus on Tashaan for Asian women. And, I strongly believe that Tashaan is not just about the clothes, but also about who we are as humans - food, drink, values, lifestyle, music, books, movies...it's all a part of our Tashaan!

I'm not a fashion expert or guru of any kind. And, I'm not worthy of criticizing others. I'm just a simple desi girl with some thoughts on Tashaan - at least on my Tashaan.

So, come back for future posts, read them, comment on them, and share your Tashaan with me as well! Post on the blog or email me at desigirlhouston@gmail.com

The True Essence of Tashaan can be Found in Cinderella

2008-11-25T11:41:00.001-08:00

On Saturday nigth, I was reminded of a very importan childhood lesson as I mingled with men and women. Skinny, curvy, short, tall, white, brown, mocha - I talked and danced with a variety of women. There were some, which by society's standards would be considered beautiful because of their looks and physique - tall, blonde, size 4 frame. And, others who would be considered "fugly" because of their hair, clothes, height or weight.

I disagree with this standard. I firmly believe that true beauty and Tashaan comes from the depths of your heart and soul, from within, not from the clothes that you wear.

Anybody can purchase fashion, but Tashaan is something that grows with you as you experience life, love with all your heart and are open to others. Remember Cinderella and her step-sisters? Cinderella looked stunning even in the rags and hand-me-downs of her two step-sisters. Whereas, donning the in the lastest fabrics and pearls from Paris, the step-sisters looked hideous.

Now, I realize that Cinderella is only a fairy tale, but how true the lesson is. True beauty transcends all accessories and show-shaw.

I was reminded of this valuable lesson at the party and by two very different ladies. One, let's call her Jasmine, was average looking. She was of average height and average weight. She wore a simple black velvet dress with simple black pumps. Her hair was poker straight and shoulder length. She wasn't "fugly" but she didn't take my breath away either.

The other, let's call her Rose, was a woman of average height with slender and toned figure. She wore a beautiful saphire blue backless Cache dress to complement her blonde curls. Her accessories were divine - diamond earrings, diamond bracelet, beautiful diamond accented Marciano shoes. She walked into the warm and both the men and women were mesmerized by her beauty.

I had the chance to talk intimately to both these women and after a short while came to the conclusion that Jasmine is the true beauty and Rose is the fugliest person I had meant in a loong time!!

Jasmine was humble, interested in others, polite, eloquent and very funny! Rose was rude, arrogent, self centered and obnoxious!

After meeting them, I was reminded of Cinderella and the true essence of Tashaan. As a society, we automatically judge people based upon their clothes and their physiques. Beauty, style and Tashaan doesn't come from the clothes, purses, shoes, or diamonds that a desi girl wears. Tashaan comes from your heart; it comes from how giving you are; from how caring you are; how respectul are you to others - even those who are different; and, it comes from your confidence and ability to love you.

The true essence of Tashaan is NOT the clothes, but your heart. Is your heart pure, full of love, caring, friendly, non-judgemental, forgiving, accepting and open to others? If so, then you have Tashaan. Tashaan is not about designer clothes, big diamonds, trendy bags and shoes. These material items only enhance true Tashaan.

I believe our outfits are walking works of art. I believe our outfits are diaries to the world to tell everyone who we are. And, I believe our outfits are medium for us to express our individualitya and uniqueness to the world. But, no way are our outfits the end-all of our personality. Desi girls and Tashaan girls are complex beings and our clothes are only one dimension of that complexity.

So next time you're getting ready for a night out with the girlfriends, along with the Michael Kors shoes, don't forgot your etiquette, kind heart and soul for your Tashaan to be truely complete.

What do you think the true essence of Tashaan is? Have you ever been surprised when you met "a beautiful woman" or " fugly woman"? Tell me what you think. Post here or email me at desigirlhouston@gmail.com